It’s just a few days from Christmas and I’m enjoying my Christmas tree. I wasn’t planning on putting up a tree – after all its just me and it seemed like alot of work. But my daughter thought I should have one and came over to help me decorate it. Funny thing is that I enjoy sitting and watching the lights every night as the Christmas music plays far more than I thought I would.
I guess that sometimes it takes someone else to know what is best for us. I will be going to spend Christmas with my son and family so I thought it was unnecessary. But now I can’t help thinking how bare and sad my place would seem without that beautifully lit up tree. I know it was work sitting it up and it will seem like even more work taking it all down but I’m glad that Angela got me to do it.
Even though I am living alone, I am not alone. I have lots of great friends and family and that is the difference. That is way I don’t have to think “lonely” but need instead to think “blessed” and enjoy the season.
I hope you also decorated your home and bless your own family with your love for them. Merry Christmas from my home to yours. 
Carol Osborne
This is my third Christmas without Bruce ! I am still in the mindset if nothingness !! To be honest: the last Christmas before Bruce passed was unreal: he had a trach put in 30 days after the dx if laryngeal cancer . I cannot remember his voice. I have a 30-45 sec tape of a phone conversation …. That’s it! He had the most beautiful deep, resonating male voice….. Used to be a DJ when a teenager on Kwaj atoll , Micronesia .
I have lived in my oldest daughters basement since June, 2013. She asked me to come here so she could take care of me and so I would not be alone . I have Never been alone!!! I am also Not in need if home health ( at this time…lol).
After all this time (2 yrs), I need to be alone!! I need to learn/experience life on MY terms , no one else’s. I need to be free!!!!!
I cannot survive one hr without talking to Him. I have pics everywhere, walks, tables, iPhone . His ashes are next to my bed ( his request). I want to be able to text him….. But have no idea how to do that. I know he won’t answer, but I keep waiting for him to come through the door !
I am not in any hurry to get myself out of my current emotional state. Bruce was / is my true soulmate and there will be NO other!! If that I am sure. Before, in past relationships I wanted company within weeks after breakup ( only 2)…. Now, I do not wish to meet/have fun with/ be friends with anyone, especially a man! Partly due to medical issues of mine: the majority of no one can compare to Bruce. So holidays are not on my to do list ! When I participate, it is with repetitious movement, not emotional. Therefore, except for my own celebration of Christs’ birth: the “season” is blank for me. All of them are.
I can truly see no reason to end my emotional attachment to mourning as my life truly ended when he passed.
Thank you for letting me vent. Please excuse any misspells, typing on my iPhone…. Lol
To all a sincere happy holiday season and blessings!!!
Carol O.
Mary Francis
Hi Carol
Even though it has been two years, this will only be your 3rd Christmas without Bruce. The holidays are hard when you don’t have your spouse to share them with. Don’t worry about not wanting to join in the festive season as grief needs to have its time. Meanwhile, try to enjoy your daughters and some time with good friends.
I was married 27 years and Donnie has been gone 7 years – I still find the holidays different without him. I have learned over time to count my blessings for what I still have, good health, children and grandchildren to love and be loved by are priceless gifts. Try not to think about what you don’t want and instead take note of what you do want – that is the key to moving forward.
You are a beautiful person and you have value. Take care, Mary Francis
Tamara Franks
This is my 4th Christmas as a widow. I’ve tried to find responses who are more like myself. I have no children and what family I do have is several hundred miles away. I have a small number of friends who are scattered around the state. I do some volunteering and try to give back to my community. I will go to a Christmas concert and Christmas Eve church service alone. I’ve learned to embrace the positive aspects of living alone. But, I still would love to have companship occasionally. Any ideas? Thank you.
Mary Francis
Sorry Tamara about the loss of your husband. It’s hard to go through the holidays on your own but I sense your positive attitude in your sentence “I’ve learned to embrace the positive aspects of living alone” and by looking at the positives in our lives we heal faster.
You sound like a social person so I would suggest that you make every effort to get out and about. There are always some groups to join or volunteer with and by doing so you will meet other positive people. I find that the more positive we are – the more positive energy / people / things we attract to us. People love to be with positive people so keep up what your doing and I have no doubts you will find what you are looking for. Take care, Mary Francis