Widows and Their Wedding Rings

A year ago I thought about taking my rings off but I just was not ready.  It was almost four years but it didn’t feel right to me.

More time has passed and it will soon be five years that I went from wife to widow and lately I’ve put more thought into my wedding rings.

The wedding ring symbolizes our love for our spouses and afterwards it’s a comfort as a reminder of our love.  It can also stop unwanted advances as we grieve.  There are as many reasons to keep wearing them as there is to remove them.

Some widows move their rings to their other hand or pass their rings on to someone they feel close to such as a daughter or granddaughter.

In the end I took it to a jeweler and made two pendants out of them– one for me and one for our daughter.  I cannot lie, it was hard to take them off but once I dropped them off at the jeweler I felt at peace and the decision was made.

I just picked them up this week and I love what they did.  I will let our daughter have her pick because it doesn’t matter to me. No matter what I will always have one of them to wear and with it I will have all its love and memories.

Wedding rings as pendants for widow

23 Responses

  1. saintpat
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    The wedding ring as pendants is very nice! I was married to my hnusband almost 50 years, and I have our ring on now after one year of widowhood. Occasionally, I put his wedding ring, identical to mine, on a bigger finger on my right hand. I like the look of the 2 wide gold bands. It seems to me anything you do is perfectly okay. Feel no obligation to do anything except what you feel like doing then. Later, it could be different, and that’s fine too.

  2. Mary Francis
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    I agree with you that a widow should do what she is comfortable with and not let the comments of others make her feel rushed to take her rings off. It took me over four years to remove my rings and even so it was strange to have my ring finger go bare so I purchased a ring just for that finger. Thanks for sharing, Mary Francis

  3. Karen Brevard
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    My late husband and daughter decided to surprise me with a new wedding ring for Christmas. Before the plan could come into full fruition, he passed from cancer. When we went to the jewelers to pick it up, the jeweler and the other associates encouraged me to keep and wear it forever. They were all a part of the initial surprise. They were saddened to hear of my husbands death. The ring is absolutely gorgeous, the ring of a life time! He paseed December 16, 2012. I’m glad I took their advice. It brings me such joy whenever I look at my left index finger. Memories are precious.

  4. Mary Francis
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    It’s a perfect memory and as you said “memories are precious”. Take care, Mary Francis

  5. Kathleen Chamis
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    I will continue to wear my wedding ring as a reminder of
    all the love and happiness we shared not only with my
    husband and myself, but with my two sterling sons and
    daughter in laws. No more weddings for me! I am independent, have my own business as a violin teacher and professional violinist , continue my Biblical Theological
    undergraduate seminary studies, have our good long time
    friends I get together with on Sundays for church . No worries.No problems. Will be into my 2nd year and I
    praise the Lord for all my blessings!

    Kathy

  6. Alicia Baxter
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    Can’t believe it. My husband passed from cancer on May 3, 2014. A grief counselor from hospice comes out once a month to talk and I saw her just last night and we talked about this very subject because someone had asked me why I was still wearing my wedding ring. It’s only been 4 months! This morning when checking my email I received this post about wedding rings. Coincidence? This post just reaffirmed to me that it’s ok to keep wearing it. I look at it everyday and it reminds me of how lucky I was to have him for 35 years.

  7. Theresa Schwarz
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    I lost my husband the day before my birthday in October 2014. I wear both my engagement/wedding rings when we were first married and the past/present/future ring he gave me when we received the sacrament of marriage in the Catholic Church. I resized my husband’s wedding ring and wear it on my right thumb. This first year of “firsts” has been a roller coaster, but God sees me through every day and every moment. I thank Him for the 31+ years we were together.

  8. Monica Mullins
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    My husband passed 8 years ago. I still wear my original wedding ring set he bought me 42 years ago. I have no desire to remarry. And the remind me of the love we shared.

  9. IDA RUIZ
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    THE 22 YEARS WE SHARED TOGETHER ARE PRICELESS. IT WILL JUST BE 6 MONTHS 6/1 THAT I HAVE BEEN A WIDOW. AND I CAN’T HELP BUTT TO HONOR MY HUSBAND MORE EACH DAY BY WEARING MY NECKLACE URN WITH HIS ASHES AND STILL WEAR MY WEDDING BAND. I BONDED HIS BAND WITH MINE AND WEAR THEM EACH DAY ON MY RING FINGER. IT IS A CONSTANT REMINDER OF HOW LUCKY I AM TO HAVE HAD HIM AS MY HUSBAND AND THE FATHER OF MY 6 BEAUTIUL BABIES. I CANNOT IMAGINE HOW NOT TO WEAR MY WEDDING BAND. I LOVE YOU DAVID

  10. Loretta Brown
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    My husband of 25 years passed away March 24, 2015. I thought that, by tradition, I was supposed to move my wedding rings to my right hand to indicate widowhood. However, no one seems to have heard of doing this and I had a man say that yes, he had heard of it but he thought it meant a widow was ready to be “hit on”. I was horrified and quickly switched my rings back to my left hand. Was I wrong about the right-hand thing?

  11. Mary Francis
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    Sorry Loretta about the loss of your husband. I don’t think that many widows follow traditions like they used to. If we did we would still be wearing black for a year to show the world we are in mourning. Having wedding rings on your right hand doesn’t really mean anything as many people where their mothers rings on their right hand. Also, it’s hard to tell what is a wedding ring as the styles are not always what we may thing is “normal”.

    I would suggest that you do whatever feels right for you. Keep your rings on or take them off or change hands – I think the current tradition is to do what makes you comfortable. Take care, Mary Francis

  12. Maureene Timken
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    What a wonderful site. I am 16 days away from being a
    one year widow. I was married for 35 years and this is the
    most difficult loss of my life. I so appreciate everyone’s
    thoughts about our wedding rings. I have go back and forth about a decision. I took it off yesterday and after all
    of your kind words, I have put it back on and it will stay.
    Regards, Maureene

  13. Christy MCMillan
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    How wonderful to find your website! I have lost my husband also. We were married 38 hears. I cannot bring myself to remove my ring…and am glad to see others saying the same.

  14. Barbara
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    I lost my husband 10/12/11.  We were together for about 48 years.  I can't even think about taking my ring off as it represents our love & I have no desire to remarry. I keep thinking back to our wedding vows: 'til death us do part.  Then, what?  I cry every day.  I still see a bereavement therapist.  I have no life as our "friends" seemed to have disappeared.  I keep asking G-d to take me as I would rather be with him than alone.  I live with my daughter & her family in a 2-room apartment.  But that is not enough.  I can't seem to focus on anything more than food shopping, doctors' appointments, & paying my bills.  I sometimes seem to go into a fog & don't realize how much time has passed.  I get up late & go to bed late.  The high part of my day is watching TV from 8-11 PM.  This is no life.  

  15. Mary Francis
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    You’re right Barbara – your life is valuable and there has to be more to it than watching TV.  First thing is that I don’t think you should take off your rings.  Keep them on forever if that is what you want.  You said that you are going to a “bereavement therapist” but you didn’t say how long.  If it’s been for a short period have patience as it may take time to work through your grief.  If however its been a long period of time you may want to consider another therapist.  Even though that therapist may be the very best in their field that doesn’t always mean that they are a match for everyone.  I would talk to your doctor about the fact that you can’t focus and seem to go into a fog.  Some of your medications may be causing this effect and should be looked at by your doctor.  Bottom line – nothing changes unless you change.  Start with small changes that you can easily do such as seeing your doctor and revisiting your therapist.   Take care, Mary Francis 

  16. Sylvia
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    My husband passed away December 26,2015. We would have been married 60 years this past June 30th. My heart is still grieving but have wonderful support from family and Church. I,too, have wondered what to do with my rings. I cry each time I think I should do that. So they will for now stay on my left hand because he put them there. I would be open to have the rings made into something beautiful to wear with a necklace, and I still have his band. I  have heard the rings and band could be put together in a beautiful necklace piece. However, I prefer saving the band for grandson should he want it. Any suggestions would be welcome

  17. Mary Francis
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    I think you have it right Sylvia in leaving your rings on your left hand for now.  When you are ready to do something different with them I would suggest going to a jeweller to get some ideas on what you can have made out of them.  It would be great if your grandson wanted the band and I think it’s a great idea to hold on to it until he is ready to make that decision.  Take care. Mary Francis

  18. k.lovinia hedges
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    I too lost my beloved Malcolm after 54years together and I will always wear my wedding ring on my left hand and my mothers on my right hand, his gold band I wear on a chain around my neck with a gold locket saying M for L, and together they keep him closer to me. Thank you all for a wonderful site.  Lovinia H.

  19. Mathmom411
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    I'm adding – because I fear others are out there like me – I took mine off.  Initally, I NEVER thought about my band.  Of course I wore it – it was part of me.  We were together 33 years.  Love at first sight – lightning bolts and all that for both of us back in college.  He was my best friend.  He declined for 3 years from his brain tumor.  Then, several months later, while I was still in that horrendous gray fog of emptiness (going to many grief support groups), I looked at my left hand and the tears would not stop.  I wasn't married.  I had NEVER thought about that.  I was NO LONGER MARRIED!  EGADS!

    It was like that first time I had to check off "widow" at my doctor's office and I nearly fell to the floor in grief.  I was sobbing.  I couldn't finish the paperwork.  The receptionist whisked me off to a waiting room and hugged me.  That was so awful.

    As much as I was trying to survive one day at a time without him, the ring poked at my heart.  Our relationship will never change – I will always love him, he will always love me.  But I could NOT wear it on my finger – it made me so so so inconsolably lonely and sad.  This does NOT mean I do NOT love him.  I bought a gold chain and wore our bands together.  Our rings were united – next to my heart.  My little secret.  My comfort. Sometimes on display, sometimes tucked away beneath my blouse, sweater, workout clothes.

    Just like our grief journey – our wedding band "to wear or not to wear choice" is personal.  Individual.  Just like the band itself.  But I rarely see anyone post who chooses NOT to wear it.  So I thought I would.  I miss him so much.  It will be two years in just a few days.  sigh.  I am who I am because of his love … and his death.  I am learning to comfortably wear this thing called grief….. and for me, comfort is NOT seeing the wedding band on my left finger, but around my neck, with my small tiny band fitting snuggly inside of his.

  20. Chozella Undi
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    Hi. Its been 1 month and 6 days ..since my husband Patrick passed. We were together for 10 years. Im 43 now. We had no children. I live in Lusaka, Zambia in Africa.  I just want to be with him. I know my time has not yet come but i do look forward to seeing him again. Im still in shock. still waiting for him to come back…its like he went away…on a trip….right now i cant even think of removing my rings or re- marrying.  Before i met Patrick i wrote a list of all the attributes i wanted in my husband. ..out of about 25 items on that list..Patrick had 22 of the things i wanted in a spouse. The other 3 things on my list….well ..my marriage was great without them. I cant imagine God could better that. I will always love you, Patrick.  I want so much to be with you again.

  21. Barbara Chrisman
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    I appreciate so much finding this website and reading everyone’s posts sharing what I find to be a lonely road. My beloved husband of 44 years (plus a year engaged) “promoted to Heaven” on 11/1/2016 and, having devoted everything I could for 15 years to helping him live and beat kidney failure, after 3 years of very difficult but also precious and priceless days together, I’m feeling lost. We widows/widowers are all of a sudden fifth wheels of sorts and, while trying not to bring down everyone who worries about and cares for us, we must hour by hour figure out how to keep moving forward without feeling like it or wanting to, for we don’t get to know how long we must wait for the reunion with our Lord and our beloved.

    Thank you to everyone for sharing your heartfelt story of coping and thriving and existing all rolled into one journey. Thanks to Mathmom411; I put my rings on and take them off as nothing feels “right” … I will know I’m not the only one who removes them if I do choose to do that. Blessings to all.

  22. Mary Francis
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    Thank you Barbara for sharing your story. Widows supporting widows is what helps us all to heal as we grieve.

    Take care of yourself, Mary Francis

  23. Mathmom411
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    Hugs to you Barbara.

    I’ve thought about having our two rings made into some type of single piece of jewelry …. but … I like that they are our wedding RINGS … our eternal symbol of love ….. so …. I don’t know. I didn’t even want a diamond – I just wanted a wedding band that matched his. I loved our bands – they were sooo pretty. they were not smooth – they were faceted – caught the light. We were happily married 26 years.

    I DID buy a ring for me after his death …. has 5 diamonds … representing our family: me, him, 3 boys. I wear that white gold band on my right hand. THAT ring makes me happy – he loved being a dad. It was all he wanted. He told me he was “good to go” because he was proud of his 3 boys and he had a beautiful wife and marriage. He said, “what more do I need? I’ve done what I was meant to do.” Because he had brain cancer …. we had a long illness before I walked him up to the gates of Heaven. He was looking forward to it. Needless to say, Boy I Miss Him.

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