When someone you love dies an almost automatic review process begins. The widow will remember many events that occurred over the length of her marriage. Some of the events are happy and produce fond memories; some are unhappy and produce sad memories.
During this review the widow will usually discover some things that she wishes had ended “different, better, or more.” It is those unsaid things which need to be discovered and talked about.
Every widow is unique and responds to grief and healing at her own pace. It is essential never to compare one widow to another. Each and every widow has her own individual beliefs about how to deal with her feelings of loss.
Widows need to talk about “What Happened” almost immediately following the loss. It pre-occupies them, just as a person may be pre-occupied with an accident or some other tragedy.
Sociality believes that grievers want and need to be alone. How many of you remember being told not to bring up the death of your Uncle to your Aunt? Your family hoped to avoid the topic of the loss, in an attempt to protect your Aunt.
Let each widow remember her relationship with her husband and share it when and how she wants. Love and respect her enough to quietly let her talk and just be there for her.