As I widow I crave a break from the sadness, the draining tears, the comforting words and the hugs. The journey through grief is exhausting and I often needed a rest mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.
In those first few years I craved a few days where I didn’t feel defined by the tragedy, the loss, and even the sense of purpose I had to prevent others from experiencing this pain.
When married I had been focused on my career, children and just life in general but as a widow I wanted to bring some fun back into my life.
Life became more complicated with parenting and there were some times that were definitely not fun and involved little play.
I’ve been doing well these last few years and it’s been easier to carry on with my life. I know that laughter should be a part of that, that new experiences should be embraced, and that I eventually had to move forward.
However, I differentiate between moving on and moving forward — I’m not forgetting my grief and memories and moving on. Instead, I’m carrying them with me as I map out a new life and move forward.
I’m accepting invitations to events I’ve been invited to and I’ve said “Yes” to celebrating, to reconnecting, to creating new memories. I’ve said “Yes” to living life at a greater volume.
It’s been over five years and this peace has come over time and I welcome it. It is refreshing and rejuvenating to be distracted and engaged by celebrating life and enjoying family and friends.
I know those first few years are painful to our souls but life does come back and we heal with laughter and friends.