No Grief Shortcuts Allowed

As a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist, I encourage grieving.  

No “light” grief, no shortcuts because the day-in, day-out work of grief is necessary and important.

Sadly, our society wants to limit grief with comments like “You should be over your husband’s death by now”.

Older widows are frequently ask how old their husbands were and are told “Oh, then he lived a good long life.” That’s like a slap in the face. What would have been wrong with him living another few years?

They ask “Had he been sick?” and then continue to tell you “Well, then, it’s best because his suffering is over.” But why did he have to suffer in the first place and what about our suffering?

I feel that many people think that because the husband was “old” or “sick”  that the loss should be less significant.  Nothing could be further from the truth.

We are left behind with unfinished plans and we still needed our husbands.  Others try to understand but unless they have suffered the loss of a husband, future plans and are coming home to an empty house, they just are not able to comprehend our grief.  

So don’t let the comments of others make you feel that it’s not normal to grief as long as you have.  Remember – No Grief Shortcuts Allowed.

2 Responses

  1. Lynn DeNofa

    Thank you, I thought I was the only one who took offense to some comments. I know that they mean well, but I was even told that I was selfish for wanting to keep my husband. That he had cancer and it is better he is gone! Those words are repeated over and over in my head each night.

  2. Mary Francis

    No one knows until they have gone through it. I’m sure that before I lost my own husband I probably said some thoughtless things because I just didn’t know any better. Replace their comments with – “It’s normal to want more time with our loved ones.” Take care of yourself, Mary Francis

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