Five Myths About Grief

Some myths limit our ability to deal with our feelings of grief. 

Those myths contain incorrect information that most of us use when we grieve.  We need to take a closer look at these myths to see how they are limiting our ability to heal.

Myth # 1 – You will find someone else

Jumping into a new relationship when we are still raw with grief makes no sense and almost always guarantees failure.  All relationships are unique and are not replaceable or interchangeable.  Let’s face it, while you’re trying to deal with your grief, you’re not emotionally available for a new relationship.

Myth # 2 – Grieve Alone

Remember the saying “Laugh and the whole world laughs with you; Cry, and you cry alone” – it’s a powerful message that we learn from childhood up.  But, grieving is normal and we need to communicate our feelings to the people we trust so that we don’t isolate ourselves.

Myth # 3 – Time Heals All Wounds

Waiting for time alone to heal your heart, without taking any positive actions, will only slow your healing down.  Equally dangerous are any suggestions that time is the primary component to when you should start dating again.  All time-based ideas are false as its positive actions not time that heals.

Myth # 4 – Be Strong

Being strong implies that we should not show our sadness.  Frankly, I can’t see how that could possibly be helpful to anyone.  Being emotionally honest about your sadness and grief is what being strong really feels like.  The Grief Recovery course says:  Be strong or be human, pick one.

Myth # 5 – Keep Busy

This is the most common piece of bad advice given out to broken-hearted people.  It may bury your feelings but they will come back to haunt you later.  There are negative emotional and physical consequences when we stay so busy that we do not communicate our feelings.

Think about these five myths and which ones you’re used since your loved one’s death.  With your new awareness you can avoid these myths and be honest about your feelings.

3 Responses

  1. Pat Langle

    Dear Mary:

    You are right on target with myths about grief. After 47 yrs of marriage I lost my husband to an incurable illness and never thought I could contemplate a new journey in life. I was in counseling before his death and after I joined a Hospice support group which has helped me tremendously. I also spent much time in my solace digesting what had occurred.
    I lost the love of my life but life does go on and we need to take our time and ignore all of meaningful advice. Two years are coming up on the anniversary of my husband’s passing, I will always remember what a special life we shared together. I am now ready for a meaningful relationship and hopefully it will happen. In the meantime I will try to be the best person I can and appreciate all the good things in life.

    Thank your for your blog,

  2. Kristi


    I would like to attend your course on grief please

  3. Mary Francis

    Hi Kristi – sorry for the late response. The course has been filled for the last two sessions. There will not be another session until September 2014. If you live in Saint John, New Brunswick, Canada or in the area please email me to go on the next list. Take care, Mary Francis

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