Reality Is Hard To Take

I hope that my words speak to your heart, that center of wisdom and compassion that is so important to our inner peace.

When we center ourselves, the practicalities of getting through the holidays will become much easier to manage.  A strong inner self is meant to support us in making the changes that are needed to craft a future totally different then what we had planned for.

As women we weave our invisible magic that holds the holidays together and we face the challenges of doing this when we are lost in our pain.  But we face our challenges of change with honesty, love and a practical wisdom that comes from our spirit.

My hope for you is that your heart stays strong and vibrant to the people in your life that love you.  Reality is hard and life is not a fairy tale but with all of our challenges life is still a gift to embrace.   I know it’s hard to see other couples as you shop, to listen to cheerful Christmas music and relive your pass memories.  But there are still memories to make and a life to live so even when you are healing stop to share your life with others.

We miss our loved ones – that is our reality.  But another reality is that the holidays are still for sharing with the people you care about. 

4 Responses

  1. Randi

    I am alone. I stand alone as I’ve Finally Reclaimed my Family. I have 2 grieving daughters..I was ill before my husband died in just 8 weeks..& now..I am across the country..Sending my youngest to spend Christmas Break with her sister on the east coast. I had them both here for Thanksgiving..I Finally Reclaimed OUR Family. No One mentioned their Dad’s name in 5 years..I was married for 20 years..I Am Alone..& That is OK..Took Me Too Long a Time to Stand Up To Bullying Loved Ones..I Reclaimed My Family..My Girls are Strong & Resilient But They Needed To See Me Strong & Unafraid..The Holidays Flood Me With Anger & Loneliness..But I Know as The New Year Comes It I Take baby Steps Forward. I am In a Strange State Alone..I Stand Strong..xo

  2. Mary Francis

    Randi – I’m sorry about the loss of your husband. It is hard at any time to be without our loved ones but at Christmas it is especially hard. May I suggest that you join some social or charity groups and meet some new people. I know that you don’t feel like socializing but if you force yourself to do it you may meet some new friends.

  3. Vicki jones

    I lost my husband on 21 Nov 2013. He had been ill off and on for this whole last year, in and out of the hospital. When got ill this last time I thought it was just like the last few times. He would spend some time in the hospital and then come home. Our son took him to the emergency room late Tuesday Nov 19. He had kept me up the night before complaining about itching and that he was having jerky movements and dropping things and that he had not been urinating. I went to see him on Wednesday Nov 20. He was on heavy pain meds, being transfused and his blood pressure was really low. I stayed for a few hours and when I got ready to leave he turned to me and said “don’t go, something might happen”. I took his face in my hands and told him “Babe you are in the hospital, nothing is going to happen”. I stayed a little while longer and then told him I was leaving. I kissed him and told him I loved him and he said “you know how much I love you”. And then I left. I got a phone call the next morning telling me that his blood pressure was really low and he was going down to ICU and asked if they could have permission to run a central line. I said to do whatever they needed to do. One hour later the doctor and asked where I lived and that I needed to come to the hospital because my husband was not going to make it. I am now 4 weeks into my grief and I feel like I will never see the end of this excruciating pain. We were together 38 years and we had just gotten to the point were we were going to be able to travel and do some of the things we had wanted to do after raising 7 children. He was my best friend. We did everything together. I am very shy so I do not have any girlfriends. He had so many male friends and I knew their wives but none like real girlfriend. I basically spent most of my life taking care of my family. When I husband became ill I was his primary care giver and I loved it. We became really close and loved each other more, if that was possible. I am so lost. My boys are in such pain and I am trying to be there for them but I feel like I can’t breathe half the time. I feel like I am going crazy. I just can’t imagine the rest of my life without him. I physically ache for him. I am feeling so much guilt, first for be to tired to go to the emergency room with our son and him and then leaving when he asked me not to.

  4. Mary Francis

    Vicky – you are grieving and with that comes a mixed bag of emotions. We often second guess our decisions and have regrets, myself included. But I learned that to heal I had to focus on my positive memories and not the regrets and guilt. You need to grieve and heal so that you can find a new path for yourself.

    Our children find their way so take this time to focus on your needs. Take care, Mary Francis

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