Forgive – Not for them but for yourself

Grief can cause us to spun out of control and with that goes all reason.  This is a time when foolish comments and actions by others can cause us a lot of extra pain.

You don’t need to forgive others for their benefit – you need to forgive for yourself, to free you from the negative energy that unforgiveness costs you.

Unforgiveness could be keeping you stuck in bitterness and anger.  Remember that we are talking about ignorant family, friends, co-workers etc. that just don’t understand that their unintentional words and actions have hurt us.

We often expect more support and understanding from friends and family than they are able to give.  When we grieve we are messy and emotionally not with it.  Therefore, we can become very bitter, angry and touchy about things that normally we would let pass.  This may cause us to withdraw and close ourselves off in an attempt to not get hurt.  This is not healthy or recommended.

So forgive them.  Forgive them all, not because they deserve or even want it, but because we need to do it for our own self worth.  That doesn’t mean that we forget and certainly forgiveness doesn’t condone their words or actions.  Forgivness does, however, give us the freedom to move forward without carrying that burden of bitterness and anger.

While many have been forgiven, few should be allowed back into the inner circle of your life.  Learn to pick and choose a smaller circle of people that you can really share your life with.   We are not responsible for the poor words and actions of others, but we are responsible for what we continue to allow in our lives.  That is within our control and we should enforce it.

The Grief Recovery Method does not recommend that you discuss these acts of forgiveness with the person that has wronged you.  This is about YOU and your response, it’s not about THEM.  They may completely disagree with your opinion and not take responsibility for them, thus leaving you feeling even more upset.

For more on this please find a Grief Recovery Outreach program in your area.  Forgiveness is about freeing yourself so that you can devout your energy towards healing.

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