As You Grieve – Are You Overthinking?

Our survival instinct’s primary purpose is to protect us, so it’s always on the lookout for trouble, but that can make us overthink on even the most simple of decisions.

It keeps us focused on what is negative and what could go wrong rather than on what is positive and what could go right. This overthinking often causes us to miss out on the happy moments and so we need to learn to override the negative thoughts that cause us to worry about things that may never happen.

Luckily, we can stop and ask ourselves, “What is absolutely true about this situation?” Once you start examining the reality of what’s happening in the “moment”, your thoughts will move away from false fears.

Each time you stop to redirect your thoughts and not overthink, you get closer to letting go and enjoying your present time by really being in the “moment”.

2 Responses

  1. Theresa

    I stumbled upon your site this morning as I was searching for some validation of something I am going through lately. First, thank you for this site and for allowing us to participate.

    In short, I lost my husband just about one year ago…in fact in two and half weeks, the anniversary will hit. This will happen just in time for my oldest daughter to move into her first apartment, and my son who announced he will spend the summer in his college town. Which leads me to the fact that, suddenly, all of my loved ones have left/will leave me in some way.

    My daughter has been a blessing as she spent this first year as my “roomie”. We have an awesome relationship/friendship and I am truly happy for her to embark on her future, and she is not going far. It is just time for her now.

    I have actually been dating a man that lives 100 miles away. This was not intentional, it just sort of happened about 5 months ago (my husband was sick for a few years, so I felt ready to meet other people as I had lost the man that was my husband much longer than one year ago). Richard is a wonderful man, and cares about me and my kids. The problem I am having right now is that I am fearful and anxious in this relationship, and it hit me this morning that I am worried he will leave me too! There have been no real signs of this, other than what I have conjured in my mind, yet it is a very real fear. What is stopping him? We are not tied together by blood or marriage or anything really.

    I am trying to stay positive and self-aware of these thoughts and my focus now is to keep being myself, warts and all, not hide these thoughts and feelings from him, but also not freak him out to the point where he feels it is too much of a burden on him.

    I am curious if there is anyone else who has gone through all of these losses at once and is trying to move on despite them. I am glad to be self-aware and happy that I can identify the source of my anxiety, but it would be nice to connect with others who have had the same reaction.

    Again, so grateful I came across this site. Thanks for it!!

  2. Mary Francis

    We get fearful of many things when our lives are changed by the death of a loved one. This could be a case of just “over thinking”. Just enjoy the present moment – there will never be a sure thing in this life. Women are especially sensitive to their feelings but fear is a false feeling about something that may never even happen. Don’t let fear have any space in your life.

    Take care and enjoy. Mary Francis

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