Widows and Perfection

As a widow do you find yourself trying to do everything perfectly? 

I always liked doing things a certain way and I didn’t trust anyone else to help me.  After Donnie’s death I felt like a failure because I couldn’t do it all.

The main thing that throws widows off track is that we confuse the goal with the journey.  In other words there are many paths to a goal and we don’t have to take the perfectly straight path. 

We need to delegate tasks so that we don’t get overwhelmed by standards that we just can’t meet.   It’s hard to do what two people used to do without the pressure of it being perfect.  Donnie used to do all the yard work at the cottage and I just took it for granted.  Now when I mow the lawn I’m happy to just get it done – no fancy edging or trimming.  It’s not perfect but “good enough” is “good enough”.

When you’re troubled with perfection ask:

  • What is the end result I’m looking for?
  • What would happen if it’s not perfect?
  • Can it be delegated and if so to whom?

The point of these questions is to call attention to the assumptions we make.  These questions should help you let go of unrealistic expectations.  You need to accept that “aiming” for perfection is “good enough” and that you don’t always have to reach it.

The reality is, I can’t do everything and neither can you.  Instead try to celebrate your daily victories and ignore that little voice that nags at you when things aren’t quite perfect.

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