Helping a Widow Friend in Need

We have all been there, where we needed the support and comfort of friends. Now it’s time to pass it on to others that are in need. Do you know, that as a widow, you have a special connection with those that have just lost their husbands?

You can relate to their pain, confusion and sense of unbalance like no one else can. Here are three things you can do to help a new widow:

1. Arrange for some comfort food to be delivered. Start a team effort that is on autopilot for a couple of weeks. Set up a schedule to let everyone know what they are to bring, when and details on the delivery.

2. Instead of saying “Call me if I can do anything”, ask “What errands can I do for you today?” Being specific will help them pinpoint what they need.

3. If you’re up late, see if she is online, example Facebook, and ask to chat. Send her a note “Do you want to talk?” She will appreciate knowing that she is not alone and that she has someone that cares.

One of the best ways to heal is to reach out to others in their time of need. As you know most widows will not ask for help and wear a mask to the outside world that says “I’m doing okay”. We know differently because we have been where they are. Be there for them, let them know that they are not alone and that you understand.

9 Responses

  1. Lisa
    |

    Hi I am  a new window  I find the word hard to say even.  I  lost the love of my life June 13 cancer.  We were married  23 yrs and dated 5 before  that I  have  been so lost.  I  have a lot of support  but  still  feel so alone. 

  2. Mary Francis
    |

    To Lisa – I’m so sorry for your loss.  It’s natural to feel alone – your partner for the last 28 years is no longer by your side and no one can fill that spot.  Don’t hide from your grief or wear a mask of “doing okay” in public.  It’s part of grieving to allow all your feelings and you need to grieve before the healing can come.   Continue to read as much as you can on the grief journey and reach out to friends, especially widow friends because they understand the most.   Take care, Mary Francis 

  3. Linda Cooper
    |

    Dear Lisa,

    I am a recent Widow myself, June 9th cancer. My world has been turned upside down. Not only was my husband the best husband ever, he was my best friend and my work partner. We were together all the time. And to top it off our birthdays are on the exact day, Dec.5.  We were married 12 years and together 2 years before that. At times it's hard to go on. Sometimes I wonder if I can? I'm grieving and the pain is sharp. I know from all the stories it will get better. This is my hope. My healing is hearing all of your stories. 

  4. Mary Francis
    |

    Thank you Linda for sharing your story.  Keeping reaching out to others as it helps to talk about our pain as we grieve.  Take care, Mary Francis

  5. Iris Rowbotham
    |

    I have been a widow for 3 1/2 years now. Although i still miss my husband so much and still feel lonely in a crowed room, my heart has got lighter. I read "Sisterhood of Widows when I first lost my husband which helped a great deal. I love getting your newsletters and I would highly recommend these to others in their early stages of grieving  I  Keep up the good work, Mary x

     

  6. Mary Francis
    |

    Thanks Iris for your supportive comment about my newsletter and work for widows.  I’m so happy to hear that you have reached a point where your healing has started.

    Take care, Mary Francis

  7. angela
    |

    Help me

  8. angela
    |

    I lost my Husband 4 month ago, he had heart attack in my arms. We were childhood sweethearts. We were married 31 years,31 yrs gone just like that. Im lost i dont know who am am anymore all I kniw is my heartz been ripped from my chest. Please tell me how to survive without him.

  9. Mary Francis
    |

    I’m so very sorry Angela for your loss, but your 31 years are not “gone just like that”.  You have beautiful memories that nothing and no one can take away from you.  It’s normal to be lost and unbalanced as you grieve.  You and only you can take control of your life and the future path you want to take.  For now let grief have it’s time as that has to happen before you can heal.  If possible spend time with other widows that a further along in their grief journey.  They can support you as you get your feet back under you.

    Take care, Mary Francis

Leave a Reply