Grief Shouldn’t Be Ignored

You may have been independent in your marriage and so you didn’t fall apart due to having to make all the decisions, paying bills etc. but the finality of their death can still overwhelm you. You can’t listen to the music you both enjoyed together and meals out are just unbearable without them. You just don’t know how to keep living with whatever time you have left. You may also have lived to an age where many friends, neighbors and family members have already died.

The worst thing may be coming into that dark and empty house that was once a happy home. You have come to accept their death but life just doesn’t hold any appeal and it just seems like too much work to change. Does this sum up how you feel?

It may not be uncommon for you to visit the gravesites every day and talk to your loved one about your day as if they were still here. Eventually you will find other activities for your time but right now if you feel at peace visiting the gravesite than don’t let anyone discourage you. Experts say that it can sometimes take months for a widow, married for most of their life, to understand that her spouse is really no longer with her.

Grief, when stifled and ignored, can become exaggerated, complicated and unhealthy. The only way out of grief is to go through it to get to the healing part of your journey.

I know that you can cope with whatever feelings arise – after all, we women are the stronger sex. You have life experiences, skills and support that you can use to heal. I encourage you to bring your grief out into the open and voice your feelings so that you may understand that you can and will make it.

For more on this please check out all the free resources as well as my Guides, which are full of advice and support. You don’t have to travel this journey alone.

We need to support each other, so I’m asking you to share your words of advice with other widows who are also on this journey .

23 Responses

  1. Maddie
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    That is truly inspirational… not only did I care for my ill husband but now I’m selling my home-probably breaking even if lucky and moving in to my youngest daughters. I’m very fortunate to have four loving daughters who all have welcomed me. So sisterhood I guess I’m joining you all on a new excellent adventure! Cheers ?

  2. Rossy
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    I became a widow at the age of 32, and at the time it happened I had two young children 4 and 2, with only the 4 year old in nursery school. I was carrying our third child, unborn baby, four months pregnant. We had just started our life’s so we had nothing much, but the love of family and friends and the zeal to succeed saw us through grief to where we stand today. It happened in a far away country in Africa but to encourage you of what God can do, I speak to HIS glory that after high school in Africa. , they managed to continue their education in the USA and this year the unborn child had graduated from college. Despite the struggles I kept fixing my eyes up and I know that HE will do even more for u. As I speak I have 3 well trained college graduates and we are still looking ahead. Come out of your grief, and focus , with all the positive mind , hardwork and most importantly prayers you will do wonders

  3. Rossy
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    Pls notify me if I need to share in a forum

  4. Mary Francis
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    Hi Rossy – The forum under the “Community Page” is there for anyone that wants to share their story or has a question that they want to ask other widows about. You don’t have to join in unless you want to but you may find it interesting to interact with other widows online.

  5. Bonnie
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    My husband of 27 years died 90 days ago. We went from going to be released to rehab to sorry we are releaseing you to hospice to death in a week. I’m devastated. To get through my days of work I had to remove my wedding ring. Because looking at it reduced me to tears.

  6. Betty
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    How do I join? Am a fresh widow

  7. Betty
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    Our God is good all the time

  8. Mary Francis
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    Go to Facebook and search for the closed group “Chicks Night Out- Canada& USA” and send a request to join. You have to be a widow and respect each other’s opinions. It’s that easy as we share each other’s journey with the good, bad and ugly twists and turns? But it’s so much easier when shared.

  9. Mary Francis
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    I’m so very sorry for the sudden loss of your husband. It’s normal to be crying and emotional so please don’t hold it back. It’s not good when we start wearing a mask that says “I’m doing good” when we aren’t. Grief makes others uncomfortable but that’s their issue not yours. Grieving is a hard journey to travel but it helps when we acknowledge our feelings and don’t try to hide them. Take care. Mary Francis

  10. Bonnie
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    The facebook group lets me cry, understands my brain fog, inability to make decisions. The need to just sleep, or sit and do nothing.

  11. Tayo
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    Thanks Rossy, I find your piece so helpful… i am in the second year of my husband’s death still grieving.

    Thank you. I will focus on God Almighty from today.

  12. Nina bravery
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    Do I need to be from USA or Canada to join chicks night out group.I’m in Australia .or do you know of a Australian similar group.plz

  13. Mary Francis
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    This group is currently North America and I’m not aware of anything in your part of the world. You can take part in the Facebook group for “the Sisterhood of Widows” or the blog on the website as both are world wide. Take care of yourself. Mary Francis

  14. Rossy
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    Tayo, thank you. God is faithful and He is so close to you. You will always fall on your knees to praise Him for what He is about to do for you. Just keep your eyes fixed on the cross

  15. Linda
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    Hi all.

  16. Anita
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    My wife died july 28,2016. 4/28 is the 9 month anniversary of my wife Jackie’s death. It hit me hard today. I feel lost. I have made progress but still have those days of whole body sobbing and shaking. It is not as often but still there. I am blessed to have a wonderful support group but it is always helpful to talk to other widows. Jackie and I were in a 28 year relationship. She is the love of my life and I feel blessed to have met her. I am having a hard time organizing andgetting order in my house which is very clutered and dirty. I have not had a sense of Jackie being present for a while but I was talking to her today. Many of my supporters I have to call before 10pm so it is nice to have a website available on the nights I stay up later. thanks for listening.

  17. Mary Francis
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    I’m pleased that this site has offered you support and encouragement. Besides my Facebook page “The Sisterhood of Widows” there is another Facebook page called “Widownet”. They are both sites where you can chat with others that are also grieving and are safe places to share your feelings. Take care, Mary Francis

  18. Lucy
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    My husband of 27 years died in a horrifying house fire in November, 2016. Our children and I watched as the burning house caved in and knew he had not made it out. I hate life, I hate going to bed, I hate waking up, I hate being the only one to make any decisions; that is one of the hardest things to deal with. Not only did I lose the love of my life, but also everything we and our children had ever accumulated over our 32 total years together. Our home along with all the memories our family made in that home, photos, trinkets, memories, even our pets. People at work won’t even look at me, much less talk to me and I’ve worked with all of them for over 20 years. All alone in a room full of people every day and they all act as if nothing happened. I understand that they don’t know what to say; neither do I. But just hearing someone say “I’m praying for you” every now and then would be nice. Life is beginning to become pointless and the drudgery of each day only wears me down even more. Anxiety about the future for our children is overwhelming. If not for them, I would have been long gone by now. My income is all we have, so at 52 I am trying to put them both through college by having them only take a couple of courses each semester which is cheaper now, but more costly in the long run. I’m not searching for happiness because I am fully aware my grief will be life-long; at this point I am hoping for a very short life span after our children have graduated and become independent.

  19. Mary Francis
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    Lucy – I’m so very, very sorry for the tragic death of your husband and the father of your children. You’re right others don’t know what to say when there is a tragic loss to someone they know. Is there someone in your area that you can go talk to? If not through a church, maybe your work has something through your human resource department. Do you have family living close by? It’s important to talk about your loss and share your grief so that it doesn’t fester inside of you. Because you have children you have a future of grandchildren to look forward to. I know that when I held my first grandchild (three years after Donnie’s death) something inside of me came alive. Grandchildren are so alive and enjoy every moment so I know that when they start coming you will understand that there are still blessings out there for you. Hold on and take care of yourself, Mary Francis

  20. Betty
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    It shall be well with you ,Lucy.Am a widow in Kenya ,Africa and am telling you,its really hell.Dont ever give up on life,the kids need you so much.May the Holy Spirit guide you through and through

  21. Bonnie
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    I understand the grief, the horror, the loss of memories. I understand not wanting to live. Saddly making the decision to not go on, leaves those behind with pain that they can not outlive. There is nothing fair in this death for you. Memories can not be taken by fire, only things. That is so easy to say, such a “perfect” answer. It doesn’t help the pain of loss, nothing but time does. Time doesn’t erase it, doesn’t make you forget, doesn’t make you less sad. It only changes how you react to the loss. My husband and best friend was consumed with a rate cancer that was 8 long weeks of torture. I did not lose our house, which he designed, but am forced to live in it, alone. He has been gone 7 months. These ladies are good listeners, grief counseling is also important, crying, hollering and being mad is also important. Praying also provides an outlet. Many hugs are being sent to you from Lincoln, NE.

  22. Jahaira
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    Ever since my husband passed away I am having panic attacks and I feel as if It’s unfair that I’m still alive I feel angry that he left me I feel sad confused etc… I also feel sad for our 6 children one whom is an adult people tell me that I have to move on and I feel like I’m being given a time frame to grieve I feel so lost….

  23. Mary Francis
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    Hi Jahaira – There is no time frame for grieving. Seek out good resources and support and don’t let anyone rush you. Take care, Mary Francis

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