When your loved one died you had no choice because you were not in a position of control. Tears flow and again you are not in control. Others around you take over and although they are trying to help, again you feel that you are not in control and maybe it didn’t matter because you did not even care.
Time has passed and slowly you need to regain a sense of control so that you can get back in balance. Start writing down all the things you are responsible for. Say “I choose” to do this task. There is something about saying the words “I choose” that will bring your control back.
Choosing not to do something is also a choice and as long as you take note of that choice you are still taking control. “I choose not to be upset when my married friend doesn’t call” is actively taking control of your emotions.
At night take a look at your day and see what you did. Even if it was only one thing, celebrate that one thing. Say to yourself, “I can and will do the next task on my list tomorrow” and then do it. Before you know it your list of things to do is done and they were done on your time schedule. Assume control of your life and you will be happier.
Old age will be hard on me if I don’t learn to accept myself, in other words, I do more of what I want and worry less about what others think. Aging is a humbling experience as not everything works as good or as fast as it did when I was younger. It has a way of making me face my limitations. I stopped comparing myself to others and that helped me gain self-acceptance for who I am – just as I am.
The Delai Lama says “If you don’t like what’s happening in your life, change your mind.” Great advice because we can’t change the fact that we are widowed or that we are getting older but we can change our response and not be a victim to life.