As widows we get knocked off balance but we must get back into living our lives and not just existing.
There are three parts in our life journey – yesterday, today and tomorrow and the people we allow in our lives are often here for just one part of our journey. Those that were here yesterday may not be here today or tomorrow. Let them go because we all grow in different directions and at different paces.
As a widow your life is now on a different path so you have to be prepared to see some people leave your life and some new people come in. But here is the catch – the new people can’t come into your life until you open your heart and grieving has a way of closing our hearts. I think it is our way of protecting ourselves from more pain. But to live, really live we must be open to both pain and love, the only other option is to close our hearts and be a victim of our own pain.
Take a look at your inner circle, as well as the community around you and reflect on the people in your life – do you have a solid support system in place?
• Who would you call first if your home burned down?
• Who would you turn to if you received bad news?
• Who would you go to when you wanted to have some fun?
• Who could advise you on love, work, children or faith?
• Who is your best buddy, mentor, oldest friend?
• What three people would be there for you no matter where they lived?
When you crave connection, what do you do? If your correspondence has been more email and less personal of late, list those that you want to see and schedule dates with them – coffee, movies, lunch etc. Don’t set back and wait for others to make the first step.
If the people in your life matter to you, then make the effort not to let them drift away. This is important because sometimes after a death in the group, others just don’t know what to say or do. If you take the lead you will often see that everything falls in place. And if it doesn’t then they may be one of those people that was here for only part of your life’s journey.