People in Your Life

As widows we get knocked off balance but we must get back into living our lives and not just existing.

There are three parts in our life journey – yesterday, today and tomorrow and the people we allow in our lives are often here for just one part of our journey. Those that were here yesterday may not be here today or tomorrow. Let them go because we all grow in different directions and at different paces.

As a widow your life is now on a different path so you have to be prepared to see some people leave your life and some new people come in. But here is the catch – the new people can’t come into your life until you open your heart and grieving has a way of closing our hearts. I think it is our way of protecting ourselves from more pain. But to live, really live we must be open to both pain and love, the only other option is to close our hearts and be a victim of our own pain.

Take a look at your inner circle, as well as the community around you and reflect on the people in your life – do you have a solid support system in place?

• Who would you call first if your home burned down?
• Who would you turn to if you received bad news?
• Who would you go to when you wanted to have some fun?
• Who could advise you on love, work, children or faith?
• Who is your best buddy, mentor, oldest friend?
• What three people would be there for you no matter where they lived?

When you crave connection, what do you do? If your correspondence has been more email and less personal of late, list those that you want to see and schedule dates with them – coffee, movies, lunch etc. Don’t set back and wait for others to make the first step.

If the people in your life matter to you, then make the effort not to let them drift away. This is important because sometimes after a death in the group, others just don’t know what to say or do. If you take the lead you will often see that everything falls in place. And if it doesn’t then they may be one of those people that was here for only part of your life’s journey.

2 Responses

  1. Beverly
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    I lost the post re 3 parts of life’s journey and that widows must get back into the living our lives and not just existing! I had seen my sister in law after the loss of her husband, just stay home and not to enjoy life and she keeps me motivated that there is still live to enjoy and I will! My husband could not enjoy eating as he had uncontrollable diarrhea so my cooking was very limited. After he passed, I could eat things we had not for several years. Being 72, after cooking for over 50 years, I have found I do not enjoy cooking a big dinner for just myself so my cooking habits have changed considerably; I eat when I want, what I want, and don’t have the large mess to clean up afterwards….only run my dishwasher a few times a week when it was every day! I am discovering a different way of cooking using some great frozen entrees…..ie, frozen twice baked potatoes without all the preparation and they are great! and some new easy recipes….love these new adventures! Miss my husband so much but I have such wonderful memories of the many things we did together and the photo albums which help tremendously!!! Yes, there are some people that I do not hear from anymore but that is OK…they have their life to live and so do I! I took up line dancing as my husband and I did this some time ago and loved it and I am enjoying it again! I have plans of volunteering again and I am looking forward to my new life with memories of my husband still in my heart!!!!!

  2. Mary Francis
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    Hi Beverly – thanks for sharing your journey. You will inspire other widows with – “I am looking forward to my new life with memories of my husband still in my heart”. I couldn’t have expressed it better. Mary Francis

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