A Widow’s Loneliness – Part Two

Of course as widows we are lonely. It’s hard to go from being a couple to being single, plus we need to grieve before we can heal.

But in time you will arrive at the point of being “comfortable” with your own company. You will choose to go out with close friends or stay in, but it’s a conscience choice and not a keep busy at all cost decision.

Your dulling senses will start to come back to life and that leads to interests, activities, thoughts and healing, which make it more comfortable to be alone. You will have faced the ghost of loneliness and realized that you cannot run from it. Instead you have accepted loneliness as part of life and with that acceptance you are free to accept that loneliness does have some healing qualities.

Taking time for yourself allows introspection, reflection and a growing awareness of what you want. Slowly the emptiness of grief will give way to healing and you will grow strong, so you can be comfortable with the woman you are.

There is tremendous therapeutic healing in learning to love yourself, to value the person you are. No one wants to be lonely, but that’s just where you are at this time of your life and there is no denying it. So, take this time for some self-discovery of what you want, because you need to find that balance between being with others and being alone.

17 Responses

  1. Barbara

    I love this , i am newly widowed and have been running from my home to stay with my children for severel days at a time , knowing i need to accept and learn to be alone , also developed anxiety in the past few months , and have financial issues , many times have felt like ive gone crazy , hoping to
    Positive and try to live in moment tho ,

  2. Barbara Ann Flournoy

    My beloved husband of 56 years died March 7, 1917. He fought prostate cancer for 17 years. I thank God for the deep love for each other and our family. The nights are long and lonely. We lived on our ranch for most of our married life; this was twenty miles from town. As his life drew to an end, Morgan decided that we should move to town. We bought a place in a Methodist Church Retirement Community. At his death, I was surrounded by friends who help me get through the days. Yes, there are a lot of widows in our community, but there are many couples who have been married for more than 56 years. I am uncomfortable being with couples. It is so difficult to be alone. I look over at where he used to sit to tell him something and he is not there. I feel lost without him. And I know that half of me is gone.

  3. Laurie zroback

    Take your time, when they say baby steps it’s so true. My husband passed away a week before our grandson’s 1st birthday. My son had asked me to come home with him but I knew if I went I would have had a really hard time coming back thru my front door! I waited a couple of months before going out for a visit. After a couple days visiting I really was missing my home. It was nice to visit but even nicer to come home even though my husband was no longer in the present I felt his presence if that makes any sense. When I’m feeling anxious about something new I try to remember what Mary Francis has said and picture worse case scenerio and find I can over come it. Hugs to you and know you’re not alone in this!

  4. Mary Francis

    Thanks Laurie for sharing and also for encouraging me. I also have my days but it’s the positive feedback that keeps me going. In fact I think that is what keeps us all going on our bad days? Widows supporting and encouraging other widows – there is strength in that. Mary Francis

  5. Mary Francis

    Hi Barbara. There were five girls (sisters)in my family and when we used to go out there was ten of us with our spouses. After Donnie’s death I went out with them and there was only nine and I was the odd one out. I didn’t feel comfortable with all couples even though they were my sisters and brother in laws and I love them dearly. Years later and I still prefer my sisters on their own instead of all couples. I think that is natural, or at least it is for me!!

  6. Gerry Garcia

    I lost my husband for 16 yrs from Lung cancer. He passed away easter Sunday 4/16/2017 he fought 6 yrs to be with me and kept his faith till the end. He face death with courage love and faith and now I need to do the same but I really dont know how. We have no kids and I just feel like Im all alone and really having the lowest point of my life now. I know he hate to see me like this he wouldn’t want me to stop breathing but honestly thats where Im at right now I barely breath. I have all the good memries and I found comfort from it but somedays are really hard to face and yes its true baby steps. I pray and pray each time I feel like Depression is eating me up. I have no one but God now and I know someday if my time comes I will see my one great love again! ???

  7. barbara

    Thank you , i am happy to know im not alone

  8. Mary Francis

    Dear Gerry. Please hold on to your faith as it will be your life line to keep you out of depression. Grieving is healthy but once we slip into depression it can be hard to get back on our feet. I had a sister that gave up when her husband died and she died three years later. It was so hard on those that loved her. You are worthy of love and we often find it in friends. We are all here for a reason even if we don’t know what it is. It takes time to grieve and heal so don’t give up on yourself. Take care. Mary Francis

  9. barbara

    Yes i have three sisters ,and i feel
    The same , hugs to you

  10. Barbara Ann Flournoy

    Even though Morgan fought prostate cancer for 17 years, I do not think either of us thought about his death until December 7 whe his doctor at MDA told him there were no more treatments to be had. Then we had to face his death. His every thought and action from that point was done to be sure I would be taken care of. I know the move to town to the retirement community was for me. Morgan was in a great deal of pain and was in and out of the hospital. I was allowed to take him him two days before he died. I finally realized he was clinging to life for me. I knew I was going to have to release him to God. I held him close that last night and told him it was time to fly with the angels and that I loved him and understood. He was gone in 20 minutes. Did he understand that I said this it out of love for him?

  11. Gerry Garcia

    Thanks so much Mary Francis my loved ones my mom and my dad and my siblings always reminds me that they are still here and would hate to see me like this. I snap out of it when I see myself drowned in depression. Its really hard but I have to face life grieving is okay crying is part of it and its not easy coz its like you died with your husband . I just have to be grateful that When God called him home he took his pains away and all the sufferings amd my husband is in much better place now… that should be my consolation and I have to constantly remind myself that God loves me and my husband and he wouldnt let my husband suffer one more day and I dont want to see my husband in constant pain. I have to be grateful each day I am here and make the most of the life God has blessed me to be a blessing to others to be with my parents to love to live life to the fullest. I love my husband he is my one great love and I remained faithful to him we kept our promise to be together in sickness and in health till death thou us part. He will always be here in my heart and I will love him until my last breath. Hes up there guiding me and will save a spot for me. God loves me and He will continue to give me strength and will be my husband.

  12. Patti Thurman

    I lost my husband of over 20 years in a car accident almost three months ago. He was a passenger. I’m struggling every day some days are better than others but lately I feel like I’m drowning. He and I were truly best friends and had been inseparable for most of our marriage except when he traveled for work. I’m just not always sure how to keep moving. I’m staying very busy but I feel very disconnected from everyone around me.

  13. Mary Francis

    Oh Barbara, without a doubt he knew and that was why he could go in peace. How it’s time for you to grieve and find your own peace. Mary Francis

  14. Mary Francis

    Dear Patti. In the early months/years of grieving we have to move forward one step at a time and sometimes that one step is just getting out of bed. It’s normal to be disconnected so just let your grief have its time and don’t be expecting too much from yourself. It will take time to get rebalanced. It helped me to join curling that winter so I was forced to get out once a week. I knew if I didn’t I would just work and sleep my life away? I also spoke to others that had lost a loved one and that helped but in truth everyone’s journey is different and yet in a strange way the same. I realized that when I wrote “The Sisterhood of Widows” with 16 widows telling their stories. So don’t worry about others and focus instead on what you can do for yourself. Mary Francis

  15. Mary LeBlanc

    I lost my husband on April 19,2017. We were married 52yrs. I am alone. My only son is in Ontario and I am in Nova Scotia. I was not a cryer now I cry a lot. A lot of people came around at first but now not a lot. I am lonely and don’t know what to do with my life.

  16. Mary Francis

    Dear Mary. It’s only been two months since you lost your dear husband. It’s understandable that your still crying and lonely. There is no quite fix to a broken heart. What helped me was getting out with my friends and I joined groups that I thought would interest me. I tried “Red Hatters” for ladies over fifty and curling. Both only lasted a couple of years but I got to know some really nice ladies. Take your time and don’t worry about leaning on your friends. I’m sure they will be there if you reach out to them and if not then it’s time to make some new friends. Mary Francis

  17. Barbara Ann Flournoy

    Thank you, Mary Francis. I have worried about my releasing him. I know I did the right thing in releasing him; he was in do much pain and I think he was ready to go. He was staying for me. I am trying to regroup and find myself. I still cry a lot, especially at night. And though I am in a retirement community I live in my own place. I married Morgan when I was 18, I have never lived alone. There is so much I miss about Morgan and it is worse at night. I miss his love but I also miss the companionship, talking to the one individual who loved me and understood me the most. I have found some relief in writing letters to Morgan and just writing about him in a journal.

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