A Widow’s Loneliness – Part Three

The last two parts talked about loneliness, being busy and finally getting comfortable with yourself.

Now the question is – are you still grieving and in the early stages of loneliness or are you ready to develop a healthy “aloneness”?

If you’re a recent widow then you have to grieve and loneliness is part of this, but when you’re ready here are some statements to think about:

• I’m always busy and never home.
• I’m not taking time for myself.
• I have no quiet time just for me.
• I’m with people I don’t enjoy being with.

Or

• I do activities that are important to me.
• I have stopped hiding in my home.
• I am content with my own company.
• I’m not letting loneliness control my behavior.

Think about this – truthfully where are you when it comes to loneliness?

6 Responses

  1. Blueoceandreamz
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    still hiding mostly except to go to work or Walmart everyone & everyplace reminds me too much of my husband & makes me too sad

  2. Shiela A. Paduga
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    In our bedroom crying, recalling what happened & waiting for the answers why it happened? Why so soon and why Christmas season?

  3. Mary Francis
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    Dear Shiela – There are no easy answers as to why we lose our husbands or the timing of it. Some husbands die a slow painful death of cancer, others a sudden heart attack, car accident etc. There is no reasoning behind it so please don’t try to make sense of something that can’t be reasoned away. My mother had a saying “It is what it is” – meaning that there is no changing what happened so we have to accept it and move forward. I’m sorry for your loss – my husband died suddenly sitting at the kitchen table and I also questioned life. But I came to accept that “it is what it is” and found my way. I hope you also find your way. Mary Francis

  4. Cheryl
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    My husband died in January 2016, and I still have a lot of meltdowns. It’s worse when I’m sleepy, either trying to take a nap, or just get back to sleep at 2:30 am. I quit my job because I was able to get by on my tiny pension and 80% of his pension. Money is tight, but I am way too tired to be working. He was sick for more than 8 years, with Multiple Myeloma and End Stage Renal Disease. We dialyzed at home 5 nights a week for several years. I was working 30 miles away at the time, and I am still exhausted. I do get up and around every day. Our son is still living here, finishing college, and I feel like I have an obligation to try to function so I don’t drag him down. We are both depressives.
    I do a lot of gardening, and take my parents to their medical appointments. I miss Ed every day, though. Every day, there is something I want to talk to him about. I keep wondering what I’m supposed to do with the rest of my life. When I was still working, I had contact with a lot of retired widows, who were doing the whole busy busy busy thing. It was like they were frantically trying to avoid being unoccupied. I knew I would be a widow, too, before too long, and I was somewhat frightened at their frenzy.
    I guess we all have to deal with this new reality in our own way. It’s just another learning process.

  5. Violet
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    My husband and I met in 2014 at ages 60 and 67. We were married in Oct. 2015 and he died of cancer April 2017. He was the most wonderful person I’ve ever known. So much love and joy every day and now he’s gone. I am ok at work and I do have his grandkids over sometimes but every other social thing I’m invited to I accept and then change my mind and stay home. I have been sick for three weeks(cold-flu symptoms and coughing all night little sleep) which hasn’t helped. The kids(his and mine) do check on me via text but no one comes here to our apt. We moved here last May before his knee surgery before cancer diagnoses in November. I tell people I’m ok even when I’m not. The only thing in the world I want and need is gone. My Barney.

  6. Mary Francis
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    Dear Violet. Sounds like you were blessed with finding love late in life. I understand that it hurts not having him but would you go back to 2014 and never had met him? You are still blessed with memories, children and grandchild who love you. Don’t you love them? If your getting invitations then you must also have friends that care for you. You should grieve your loss but don’t forget about what you still have to love. When we go from a healthy grieving to depression we often get physically sick. Perhaps you need to talk to someone about your grief. We all need a helping hand up when we get knocked down so don’t hesitate to ask for it. Take care of yourself. Mary Francis

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