Absent Friends

Sadly just when you need your friends the most, they may present problems to your already stressed emotional well-being. You’re a widow, suffering the loss of your loved one and need support and encouragement. But some friends may be critical of your decisions and have no patience for your grieving.

Because we care about them, it hurts us even more when they are unreliable or say something that hurts us. Suddenly cutting them out of your life, isn’t necessary or realistic because you don’t need any more big life changes.

If your old friends are absent than give them a chance to do their own grieving and/or to think about what you are going through. Socially people just don’t know what to say or do when someone is grieving. Reach out to them and talk to them about your feelings.

If after a few attempts they are still distant, then let it be. You don’t have the emotional energy to give to friends that can’t be there for you. Back away gradually while focusing on creating new friendships that are more supportive to you.

A growing amount of research suggest that we need friends to reconnect with our inner child so we can learn to play again. We widows need those kind of friends and not the kind that aren’t there for us. Improving your friendships will not only benefit you emotionally, it will help you to get a more restful sleep so you can handle your everyday stress better.

So, in the end, value your friendships but also be open to making some new friends.

5 Responses

  1. Nita

    I have had alot of good friends that have been there for me, I also have made new friends. What really hurt me was my husbands BEST friend and his wife both defriended me from Facebook and wont talk to me…
    The husband is just now beginning to exchange greetings (Its been 3 months) but his wife…no communication
    When I first found out I literally cried for 24 hours

  2. Mary Francis

    Hi Nita. If it helps, your not alone as a lot of widows tell me about friends that drop them and they don’t understand why. The sad truth is that she isn’t a true friend or she would still be there for you. So, let it go and enjoy those friends that are worthy of your time. When we are good friends to others we naturally attract even more friends,so enjoy. Take care, Mary Francis

  3. Cheryl

    Some people may cut off contact because they are uncomfortable dealing with grief. A true friend will stay in contact, of course, but some of those who drift away may be less malevolent than simply emotionally immature. “Fair weather friends” is a good term for them.

  4. Diane

    It’s really sad that our old friends cut us off after my husband’s health went downhill (20 years ago). I haven’t been able to talk about this for a long long time, but it did hurt both of us. They are now in a social class that is way above ours. My husband is gone now (6 yrs) and they are having problems with his passing NOW. I have received cards from them (in the last year) and it is the first time that that they have offered sympathy on his passing.

  5. Mary Francis

    Dear Diane. Sometimes years go by and then something in their lives makes them understand what grief is all about. Some people don’t get it until they have experienced it themselves. If they have reached out to you after all these years then it may be worth it to take the high road and give then another chance. Mary Francis

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