A Widows Forgiveness

The inability or unwillingness to forgive is one of the most common emotional blocks to healing. What are you holding onto – doctor or hospital error, unfeeling or insensitive remarks, God or the unfairness of it all.

Any resentment of past events limits and restricts your ability to participate fully in life. Successful healing requires completion of your grief rather than retention of any resentment or un-forgiveness. You are the only one who suffers when you don’t forgive.

Forgiveness is the result of giving up the resentment you hold for something they actually did, did not do or you perceived to be hurtful. It doesn’t matter whether they intended to hurt you, what matters is how it affected you emotionally.

What is important now is that our life is limited by any un-forgiveness on our part. Forgiveness is never to be done directly – no one will sit still and be told they are wrong. Forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person, it is only for you, to set you free and they don’t even have to know when you do it.

Say to yourself “I need to forgive you, so I can be free”.

6 Responses

  1. Janice B Berry
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    You know Mary Francis…..Just yesterday in my car returning from a 2.5 mile walk at the mall where it is cool, I screamed at myself for being a very bad wife. I feel I could have helped my husband had I insisted we both get exercise and for him to lay off a lot of his alcohol consumption. I myself was 120 lbs heavier 21 months ago and did no exercise and today I am off meds, I am a Paleo girl and I strive to exercise everyday. He always followed my lead except for the alcohol. He was not an alcoholic but liked his cocktail in the evenings. I just should have insisted on a lot of things and perhaps I could have helped him live a longer live. I know that God wanted him home, but I wanted him as well and I just failed on my part. I try and forgive myself and then go right back to feelings of tremendous guilt. I love and miss him so much and even when I am with others I still feel very alone! How am I ever going to heal?

  2. Ruth Dodds
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    I recently watched your video on the Huff Post website. I lost my husband to cancer in January and though I am doing better I still have my share if bad days,I blame myself for not understanding more of what he was dealing with even though it was his choice to shut me out.As I listened to you Mary I said to myself,your not a terrible person,you can get through this and have a life. I’ve ordered your book and look forward to reading it and understanding by interacting with others this is a process I must go through as a widow. Thank you Mary,you’ve helped me do much. Ruth

  3. Mary Francis
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    Thank you Ruth for taking the time to send me such positive feedback. Knowing that I’m helping other widows find their way is my passion. Thanks again. Mary Francis

  4. Mary Francis
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    Dear Janice, I understand so much how you are feeling. I loved my Donnie but he wouldn’t quit smoking or drinking. I used to nag at him but it didn’t make any difference. After he died I also felt that I should have done more but part of my healing was coming to terms with the fact the only person I can change is myself. Donnie was the only one who could change his habits and so I had to let it go. As widows we take on so much guilt for the past that we forget that “it is what it is” and the past can not be changed. Your okay and it’s time to start healing. Mary Francis

  5. Janice B Berry
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    Mary I am so sorry for your loss, you help everyone so much and I forget you rowed in our boat as well. Today marks 21 months Bobby has been gone, not sure I will keep counting months after 2 years. I actually have figured it out how long we were together in years, months, days, hours and minutes. He would not let me do anything, he drove me places, he took care of all the outside and when I just once stated I hated dusting he took that on as well. He cooked, fabulous I might add, went to the store, turned over the remote when I sat in front of the TV, sat in chairs besides each other and always reached for my hand to hold. He sat down one evening after stating he did not feel well and asked if I had ever had a searing pain in my jar. I barely answered and turned my head and he was gone. I tried giving CPR while help on on the way to no avail. So many have said to me, well if you have to go he went the best way. Well I disagree, there is no more hurt if he was ill and it dragged on for years, when they are gone, they are gone! Except for sleeping not sure if ever an hour goes by without me thinking of him. I am going to try and forgive myself everyday. Thank you Mary Francis you have helped me so much, and because of you I have healed some I just need to start healing some more. God Bless!

  6. Mary Francis
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    Dear Janice. I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. It’s not better if they go fast or slow because the end result is the same – we don’t have them. Your doing okay and that is because you are taking control of your healing. Wishing you the best. Mary Francis

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