Being a Care Giver

If you cared for your loved one before their death, than all you energy and focus went into that one mission. Your life may have become very isolated from the rest of the world.

When the care giving ended you would think it would be easy to get back in touch but that isn’t always the case. You’re numb with grief and this new found freedom is somewhat scary. It can be hard to adjust to a life that doesn’t have full time demands on your time.

If you are not a caregiver – then who are you? This might be scary but you have to get out and enjoy life. Make a list of all the things you wanted to do when you were a caregiver and then just go for it. Dream big or small it doesn’t matter as long as you take it one step at a time towards something just for you.

Don’t get back into “care giving” by looking after someone else that is in need. It may feed your emotional need to be needed but you may just be trying to avoid that outside scary life of being single.

6 Responses

  1. Mary leblanc
    |

    I care for my husband who died inApril 2017. He had pancreatic cancer. I had one caregiver in the morning to wash him and I took care of all the rest. The drug routine was difficult. I am ripe as far as grieving goes but I am still exhausted. I exist on subway sandwiches. An understanding friend would be welcome. I have no family here Thank you for reading this.

  2. Ann
    |

    Mary I’m so sorry. You are in a very hard place. It just takes a long time I’m afraid. One day at a time or just one hour. My husband died of prostate cancer July 4, 2016. I know we have to look at our grief and not hide from it if we want to heal but at the same time I think it is good to have distractions to give our hearts and minds a tiny reprieve. I have used sewing or jigsaw puzzles or anything that requires a bit of concentration as it just stops the downward spiral of uncontrollable grief. I find that driving helps to refocus my mind so I take a drive, get some coffee, and listen to sermons on my iphone. Try to think of some things you might do for distraction. I also joined a Griefshare group. You can find them all over just google it and put in your town. It was thirteen weeks and just helped to make contact with others who were experiencing or had experienced the same awful things I was going through. Some people go through the class two or three times. I might go again next month myself. It’s hard to be alone and my heart aches for you. Hang in there. I believe there are better days ahead for us. Keep going.

  3. Donna
    |

    I was a caregiver to my husband for many years..he suffered with a brain tumour but died suddenly while taking a nap. It was so sudden..I don’t go out much and my support system is almost non existence. .I do have dogs..which help me to get up and exist in my silent world..which helps a little..but financially. .my life is in question….a family member is pressuring me to make major changes..like moving and getting rid of my dogs and it’s making me more emotionally depressed..how do I cope with the loss of my husband and being pressured into making decisions that will cause more emotional upset..

  4. Mary Francis
    |

    Hi Donna – Don’t trust in the opinions of family members. For any and all financial decisions you need the advise of professionals. First place to go is to your bank to make an appointment with one of their advisors. Our pets are like our children and “getting rid” of them is sure to be another emotional upset that you shouldn’t have to face at this time. If you have to move because of finances and can’t take them with you, then and only then you will have to face finding them a good home. In the meantime focus on what you can control in this present moment. Dealing with one thing at a time will help ease the pressure, plus always remember that your decisions are yours to make. Mary Francis

  5. Janet
    |

    My husband passed away in Oct 2016. We were married for 37 years. He was sick for a while but died from Cancer although most of his struggle was with COPD. I was his care giver, and watched his friends and family not keep in touch with him since he couldn’t get out that much. I watched this big strong man, waste away. We have one adult son, and 2 grandchildren. I have a lot of family and friends, but I live alone and the night time is horrible. I retired early to rake care if him. I am very glad I did that. I can’t sleep very much, can’t get rid of his things. My heart is broken.

  6. Mary Francis
    |

    I’m so sorry Janet for your loss. It’s very hard going from being a full time caregiver to being totally alone. This is your time, yes you need to grieve your loss, but you also need to allow healing in your heart so that you can begin rebuilding your life. Your heart is broken and I’m sorry that you are going through this pain. I gave away some of Donnie’s things right away and kept many other items. However, over the years I moved several times and each time I was able to give away more items. Finally years later I cleaned out the shed and gave away his chain saw, tools and golf clubs. I would never use them but I had to be ready to let them go and it took me years to reach that point. Don’t worry about holding on to his things as you are just coming to the one year anniversary of his death. There is lots of time, so for now focus on your needs and grief. Healing of your heart doesn’t just come, it has to be wanted. We want to grieve first and that is normal – then we are more open to healing. Take care of yourself, Mary Francis

Leave a Reply