You’re lonely without your spouse and yes, there is no going back. And, just for now, complaining can make you feel better – if done within limits.
The very word “vent” tells us that letting off some pressure is cathartic. Venting is so necessary that it can be easily overdone. On the other side many widows fear that if they get started they will explode, releasing so much pressure that others may get hurt.
It’s easy to tell whether you need to vent or if you are venting too freely. You’re not venting enough if you are refusing to share intense emotional issues of anger, grief and suicide. If you are hiding something you consider unpleasant you must vent. Talk to the person or people you can trust not to share, even if you have to find a therapist or support group. Believe me when I say that you will feel better once you have a safe place to let some of your pain go.
On the flip side, you are venting too much when you complain about something constantly without doing anything to change or accept it. Consistent venting can become truly toxic and creates a sense of powerlessness that causes even more venting.
We all know people who endlessly vent about what’s wrong, being a victim of circumstance becomes a role they play in life. The cure for excessive venting is confronting the issue and using all your energy to push yourself through your fear to reach for positive change.
If you want change, it’s time to actually take a step towards it. If something is unfair, stand up for change. If it’s in the past, let it go and if it’s in the present stop venting and do something about it or let it go.
Get some paper and write a list all your anger, disapproval and grief. Just doing this will let off enough pressure to help you think more clearly. Now describe the way you feel about each item on your “bothering you” list. Don’t lay blame but instead just describe in detail what’s happening and your feelings. What steps can you take to change or release it? Also, write out what happens if you don’t take action and instead just continue to vent about it.
Now that you’ve clarified exactly what steps you need to take and what will happen if you don’t, you can get pass your fears and disappointment to end victim venting. Remember not all venting is bad, keep your positive venting and live a bolder life, no holding back.