Widows – Supporting Each Other

As widows we are all unique and we are also at different stages in our grief journey.  I try to post positive advice so that we don’t just focus on what we don’t have.

Some widows reply back to me with comments like “What the F…… is this good feel shit”, while others say “It’s just what I needed to hear today”.  Both are right for them and for where they are in their journey.

Our kids don’t get it, our family doesn’t understand and many of our friends fade away.  If we can’t count on each other, then who can we count on?  So let this be a place where we are all free to express our opinions and yet honor each other by not judging.

Let us all grieve in our own way and let there be a true “sisterhood”, where we offer support and encouragement to each other.

It’s okay to be hurting, angry and less than polite (in other words to show our pain) because we are all in this together.  But please, always honor your fellow widows for where they are in their own journey.

7 Responses

  1. Janette Lewis
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    Good morning! This is perfect for the day — especially a Friday, a time when family and friends (the ones left! — maybe gone for only for a little time — relax and we may be left out, sometimes, by choice. One of things I’ve experienced in the last four months is waiting lists for groups and professional help. This week, I almost gave up and decided to not go through a grieving process at all. Go away, mad and with self-pity. Instead, I realized, the agenices and other professionals are triaging people. There is a unbelievable need for help. I am not the only one whose husband took his own life. I am not the only person who found loved one. I am learning that, as with all things, it could have been worse. This site is helping! Thank you so much. Blessings for the weekend, Jan

  2. Gloria
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    I really love all post. It has been a year since I lost the love of my life. I have gone thru a lot of the emotions mentioned here. I think I am getting better I will never be the same without my husband but I chose to try to be happy for my children and grandchildren and great grandchildren. And for myself, I know my husband would want me to be happy and move on. I read every post and it hits a lot of what is going on , I appreciate all of you being there.

  3. Patricia
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    All of our feelings are valid. I might be hopeful in the morning but by evening back in the rut of despair. I wish I had known how lonely and frightening it can feel to be a widow. It’s not like other losses, for reasons we all understand. I would have been more supportive of my mother. But i am taking some direction from how she handled it and hoping to move forward with as much courage as her. She made some mistakes and I have also. My fear of mistakes is weighing me down. That’s why this site helps, so I can relax and gain some wisdom from all of you. Thank you.

  4. Sharon
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    Most of my girlhood friends have died. Must find new friends.

  5. Mary Francis
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    Hi Sharon The best way to find some new friends is to be a friend first. Don’t look to others for your needs but instead look to see how you can support others. If you do that friends will naturally be attracted to you. Remember you are a beautiful, kind person and have a lot to offer, Mary Francis

  6. Janette Lewis
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    What a timely and helpful post. I wonder sometimes if next to Sunday — for me — Mondays are hard for others. Dinnertime. Sometimes, I go out for a drive but am very mindful of not use it as a time to cry, while driving. That was actually one of the first things I was told — no crying while driving. Yesterday was a notable birthday for my developmentally disabled step-son who I raised for 22 years. After my husband left 4 months ago, I went to court to keep my son but his biological mother — who had been accused of abuse and hadn’t seen him in 14 years — was able to prevail and took him. I’ve moved across the country to be near family and I’ve found it very hard. Others “move on”. I left a place I lived for 21 years and had support of all kinds — especially the special needs community where isolating issues are embraced and there was love and being loved. I will share that I lived in a very welcoming and diverse place and have come to a very conservative place were I am largely on the outside, looking in on an extremely large group of previous in-laws and there is unspoken deep bias about a person ending their life by suicide, due to their faith/religion. I am now experiencing classic shunning. It is chilling. At an intake for a wonderful, well-respected program for Survivors of Suicide, I was told that very frequently people make new friends — the only people who may understand your loss. They even get together on holidays! I had a few feeling of not wanting to make friends with the others! My own bias? I also belong to AA and Alanon for almost thirty years and I quilt, among other hobbies that are interactive. I’m starting to reach out and want to be a friend to others, however, my experience is showing me that I need to be discerning about who I share the entire story with but I’m finding that being a widow of any kind, under any circumstances is, at the very least, sometimes misunderstood. I tell people now that my husband had a “cardiac event”. In the end, true. Yes, reach out. How can it any more lonely that it always is sometimes. All it takes it one friend to start with and if we only make a couple of friends, it is enough! Others may need us more than we need them! Many blessings. Mary Francis, you are a gift to all of us.

  7. Mary Francis
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    Dear Janette. You are definitely a survivor and I admire your strength. If you are not finding yourself where you are at then consider moving. You have looked after your step son for 22 years and lost your husband – it’s time for you. Take that inner strength you have and use it to create the life you deserve. Mary Francis

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