The Unknown World of a Widow

As widows we start our healing by allowing the unknown, being open to a world of possibilities.  As scary as that can be, it’s the only way to find out what you really want.

Staying tied up in our past enables us to avoid our future.  Changing from wife to widow can mean a loss of identity.  You may still want to be known as a married person and fight being known as a widow.

The best advice I can give about the grieving process is that “it takes as long as it takes”.  Give it the time it needs and only you will know when your ready to explore the unknown world of a widow.  Gather up a lot of support and give yourself credit for the courage you are showing.

Get connected with others that have lost their loved ones and share support and stories.  Notice along the way the new people you meet and how much larger your world is becoming.  Don’t be too hard on yourself – give yourself some room to make mistakes.

For many of us widows, it takes a long time to realize that we create our future from our unknown world.  Your in charge, you get to decide how you want it to go.  Think about it – this your opportunity to do what you want, with the friends/family you want to be with.

You start to heal when you start thinking about your future in a more positive light:

  • Where do you want to live?
  • How do you want to spend your days?
  • Re-evaluate everything – identify what you like and don’t like, you get to decide.

 

2 Responses

  1. Rosemary
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    I liked this post. It helps me to understand why I feel like I do 4.5 years after my husband died. I wonder if anyone can help me with my dilemma. We moved to a new area to live nearer to my dtr and husband. My husband died 6 months after the move. My daughter got married 7 weeks after he died. I cannot settle I this area. I have moved from the house he died in and really dont like where i moved to. I have a yearning to move to the county where I feel my heart is still and which was semi rural and where we spent many happy years. I know I can’t go back and that isn’t what I feel I want to do, i just want to feel settled and fittings d some contentment t. I live about 20 minutes from my dtr & son I law and my gorgeous grandsons who I see about once a week. The move would take a hour to get to them. My sons says I should move to where I want to and find peace but I feel guilty about wanting to move away.
    The grandsons have school and no end of activities so I can be twiddling my fingers and waiting around if im not working . Does anyone have any suggestions please?
    Ruth

  2. Mary Francis
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    Hi Rosemary. Please check out the other comments as several widows have had the same feelings about wanting to move but feeling guilty if they do. Stay and be unhappy – move and be unhappy. Sounds like a no win situation. It comes down to doing what you want to do and accepting your decision with peace of mind. Bottom line – what do you want the do? Take care, Mary Francis

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