My encouraging words to all those that I meet is to develop a sense of humor to carry you through the hard days.  Without one, you are doomed to despair but with one you can survive.

You need to free up your sense of joy so it can pull you through the rough days when nothing else is working for you.  MAKE yourself look for joyful things.

Get yourself a “Joy box” (shoe box will do) and start today to collect things that are fun, cute and inspiring.  A really funny movie, a cute saying, a funny quote, pictures of fun times with friends and more.  They will help you to enjoy that you are here and that you are physically and mentally able to soak up life’s small gems of fun.

We have all fallen into the black pit of grief but we have earned the right to enjoy- the right back into living again.  This isn’t for your job, your friends or your family – this is strictly your time.  I know that at first these are just words and there is no way that you can see any joy in your future, a future totally different than you had planned with your loved one but time softens the pain and life goes on.

As Father’s Day approaches, not everyone is wondering about whether to get Dad a goofy tie or a fishing lure. Many are wondering how they will get through the day as they mourn for the loss of their father.

The day can be challenging for grieving sons and daughters, but there are ways to cope, says Karen Monts, Director of grief support services for Hospice of Michigan.

To read the full article by Sue Thoms go to http://tinyurl.com/m9fpj7v

Many times in our lives we are forced to our knees by circumstances that come our way.  We may feel as though we are worthless and insignificant in our own eyes but no matter what has happened or what will happen, we never lose our value as human beings.

Nothing can take our value away – Never forget that.

Yes people say things that are hurtful or thoughtless but they just don’t understand how sensitive and emotional unbalanced we are.  In return we may say things that we would never have said if we weren’t in so much pain.

I’m passing on “The Four Promises of Forgiveness” by Ken Sande, the Peacemaker

1.  I will no longer dwell on this incident.

2.  I will not bring up this incident again or use it against you.

3.  I will not talk to others about this incident.

4.  I will not allow this incident to stand between us or hinder our relationship.

Forgiveness is a two way street and I know that to not forgive is not move forward.  In the end it doesn’t really matter who is right and who is wrong because forgiveness is a gift you give yourself .  It will emotionally free you from more disappointment and pain so you can focus on healing.

Better to have spent an afternoon with them when they were ill and unable to get out.

Better to have sat with them in silence, holding their hand with care.

Better to have visited when you could share their memories with them.

Better to give the caregiver a much needed break and show both of them that you care.

Please visit your friends and loved ones – do it now and you won’t have any regrets.  You may even walk away from the visit feeling positive about life because there is something special that happens when we put the needs of others before our own.

Grief is behind much of the nation’s obesity, depression, diabetes, smoking and hospitalization.  According to the American Cancer Society, it’s important for anyone suffering from unresolved grief to gain support from family and friends in order to come to terms with their loss.

A 2004 study on family perspectives on dying found that people often don’t get enough support – according to the study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association.

Time doesn’t heal all wounds and widows who don’t accept their grief can become angry, guilt-ridden and fail to care of their health.  Of course this isn’t what a widow wants but grief can slip into depression and it happens without a widow realizing just how much her health is affected.

For more information go to:    http://sisterhoodofwidows.com/health-for-widows/

But I’ve learned that my role is not to fix the wounds caused by grief, but to support her in a way that promotes and nurtures healing from within.

Some emotional wounds, like physical wounds, need to heal with time.  Initially the wound is very inflamed but as months and years go by new growth heals over the wound.

Grief is a deep wound that affects a person’s total being, the emotional, spiritual, social and physical being.  While in pain we may ask “why” and we may even be shocked at the depth of our anger.

Like a physical wound, grief can be raw, inflamed and painful.  Grieving people require rest to support the healing process.  They are often overwhelmed and lost with low energy and fatigue.

Grief wounds can be made more painful by comments made by others.  According to one study, a person can expect to hear approximately 121 phrases in the three days following a death, of which only 19 are perceived as helpful by grievers.

Grief wounds may be invincible to others but they are just as real and painful as a physical wound.  They should not be discounted as grief can be a contributing factor to the high death rate of a widow/widower during the year following a spouse’s death.

We live in a society where we often lack compassion or understanding of emotional scars.  Comments such as “It’s been two years, when will you move on” do not honour the person’s experience of grief.

A person may be doing just fine, and all of a sudden be “bumped” by a memory, an anniversary, or by another loss and the pain raises up to overtake them.  It is then that the phrase, “grief never ends” becomes very real.

Grief wounds cannot “be fixed”, “solved”, or “healed” by others.  Our role is to support, nurture and educate so that they can heal from within.

That is grief and it doesn’t fit into a nice, tidy time frame.  It doesn’t play fair and it’s not the same for everyone.

So why does society want it wrapped up and dealt with so fast?  Is it because grief makes them uncomfortable or because it brings them face to face with just how short and unfair life can be.

It doesn’t matter how others feel about it – grief is messy and that’s the way it is.  We shouldn’t try to change a normal reaction to the loss of a loved one into something that is easy and tidy.

Let grief be what it is and let it have it’s time.

Here is a short list of questions to ask yourself before saying “Yes”:

• Do I really understand this commitment?
• How does this fit into my current goals and priorities?
• Do I have the time, energy and resources?
• What impact will this have on me in five years?
• Can someone else do it better?
• What do my friends and family think?
• How will this impact the children’s future?
• How does a “Yes” make me feel – comfortable or nervous?

It cannot cripple love

It cannot shatter hope

It cannot corrode faith

It cannot destroy peace

It cannot kill friendship

It cannot suppress memories

It cannot silence courage

It cannot invade the soul

It cannot steal eternal life

It cannot conquer the spirit.

Author Unknown