Health for widows ranges from “cooking for one” (physical) to “stages of grief” (mental) to “a widow’s faith” (spiritual)

To “survive” as per the dictionary means “to live after the death of another person; to continue, endure; to come through alive”.  I think that surviving widowhood is more than just “coming through alive”.

Do more than “survive” – get to know yourself and come out swinging.  Stand up and fight for a life that is full of friends and family.  Join groups, volunteer, find your passion and just go do it.  Don’t feel bad that you are the one that’s alive – instead be even more alive by seeking out positive people.  Be a survivor in more than body – be a survivor in your heart and soul.

Physically

Sleep – Be kind to yourself.  Sleep in if you need to and listen to your inner voice because you are the one who knows best how to take care of yourself.  Curl up in your fuzzy robe and just relax.

Exercise – I’m personally not a great one for going to the gym.  In fact the gym and I are not on great speaking terms. I do know that when I’m stressed exercise helps me relax so I often look for fun things to do that also give me the exercise I need.Every once in a while I join a gym and do it for a few months but my most enjoyable exercise is when I’m doing something with a friend and it’s fun.

On the other hand I know widows that live and breathe for their time at the gym.  They are relaxed, in control, fit and happy because they love the community of their gym. In the end it does not matter what form of exercise you do as long as you get out and do something.

Diet – How you cook for one and plan your meals will reflect in how you feel and look.  Often widows will have no interest in food and may get dangerously thin.  Sometimes, like what happened to me, you don’t like to cook for just yourself and so you eat a lot of junk and takeout food.  This will drain your energy and you will gain weight.

For more help on this issue please go to our webpage – Cooking for One  http://sisterhoodofwidows.com/cooking-for-one/

Mentally

Mentally you are at the lowest time of your life and it is hard to understand all the emotions or lack of emotions that you are going through.

Stress control – As you think ahead to any activity or celebration, plan the timing so you are in control of when you want to leave and plan ahead on how you will handle memories that will pull at your heart.  Sometimes, it’s best to take an understanding friend, especially if it’s a social with mostly couples.It can be exhausting always wearing that happy face mask.

Let people know what you are really feeling instead of always having to appear strong. When your mask gets too heavy have faith in yourself and throw it away.  The real you will be out in the open and then you can start rebuilding your life.

Take a deep breath of fresh air and enjoy a walk through a park.  Take time to stop and weep, enjoy a memory and naturally heal as you move forward.  Watch out for depression – it can sneak up on you and before you know it you have crossed over from a healthy grief to an unhealthy depression.  If you need to get professional help then ask your doctor for a referral – don’t hesitate to ask for help.

Blog Article -“Depression – Know The Signs”   http://sisterhoodofwidows.com/2011/10/07/depression-2/

Blog Article – Tips from the “Emotional Fatigue”  http://sisterhoodofwidows.com/2011/09/14/emotional-fatique/

Relationships - Often after our spouse has died, we go looking for another relationship – one that appears to have everything that the previous one had.  Because this new relationship appears to solve all of your problems, you hold onto it tightly.  You may believe that the new partner is the one who is making you happy.  But it’s really your own state of mind that makes you happy or not.

Just be watchful that the new relationship isn’t a “rebound” out of lonliness or fear of being alone.  To find someone again to share your life with is a blessing but only if you are in the right place of mind.  If not you could find yourself in a situation that is more unbearable than being by yourself.

O.K. – here it is, I’m going to talk about sex, that forbidden topic that no one wants to bring up.  What do you think of when the word sex is mentioned?  Most of us tend to be interested, but are scared and we react emotionally.  Some widows are more or less terrified by the thought of dating again, especially if it’s been years and the dating rules have changed.  They feel old, unattractive, unsure of themselves and fearful of the unknown.

I can’t give you any magic words of wisdom on this issue.  Everyone has their own moral compass about what is right or wrong.  What I do know is that sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith because otherwise you may miss the chance to have another great guy in your life.  On the other side it can be easy to get mixed up with the wrong guy, so listen to your heart and be careful but not fearful.

Because this is such a big part of your journey we have two full web pages to help you.

Grief Resources – This web page is full of the best online resource materials – just click on links http://sisterhoodofwidows.com/grief-resources/

Stages of Grief - The professionals explain grief stages plus some thoughts from me.  http://sisterhoodofwidows.com/stages-of-grief/

Spiritually

A widow’s spiritually journey is very unique to each widow.  For the purpose of providing you with support and strength we are going to talk about the spiritual needs as “faith”.

Being positive is a delusion because it’s not possible without faith in something other than ourselves.  We can’t do it on our own because the negative pull is strong and it’s like swimming against the current.  We will tire and weaken from the struggle.  But faith gives us the strength to believe that our lives will get better and we will find joy again.  Positive emotions will start to rise up and we will be able to hold on to them when we don’t try to do it all on our own.

We have a full webpage devoted to widows who have written in about the death of their spouses and how they grieved.  http://sisterhoodofwidows.com/widowed/

As you go through your grief process you may notice that churches can be very family oriented. It’s hard to watch other women with their husbands and so you may stop going. But this can cause even more separation and loneliness in your life. Take time to adjust to this new life because it’s also a spiritual journey which reflects our faith.  A lot of widows draw strength from their church and its bible studies or ladies groups.

Have faith in yourself as well as in a Higher Power because when you’re all alone you need something to hold onto. Sometimes when life kicks you to the curb, faith can be hard to come by. I know God is real because he answers my prayers, although not always the way I thought he would.

God did bring me through it better than I ever thought possible. If I didn’t have faith in God it would have been so much harder to bear. My husband is no longer in pain and I would love to have him back healthy, but that is not to be. So life moves forward and a different path is taken on my life’s journey.