Widowed aged 31
Hello. I don't really know where to begin. It's 20 past 7 in the morning and as for the past 4 weeks I've barely slept. 4 weeks ago today, I left for work as usual, but my husband wasn't feeling well. He had Type 1 diabetes but managed it very well with insulin injections and diet, he was incredibly fit, and worked out multiple times a week, and like me, he was only 31. I got a text message at about half 10 that morning, 4 weeks ago today, asking me to come home because he was feeling worse. The rest is paramedics and the intensive care unit and his parents dashing across the country to be with him and us hearing words we should never hear - 'in order to let him die with dignity...'
I miss my husband. My 31 year old husband.
OH I am so sorry. Big hugs for you. I lost my first husband when I was 21. So hard when you are young. Lost my second husband last August. Still hard at 67.
With you having to go to work and all I am sure it is harder to just take care of you. Please do so as much as you possibly can. I give myself amenesty for things I just do not want to do and rest as much as possible. I know it is so hard right now. I play calming music at night for healing. Lots of the Soffelgio healing or Reiki for soothing. Helps me sleep and turns off the monkeys that keep running around in my brain. I never did take anything for sleep or to calm me because I did not want to have to experience my grief all over again when I went off those things. You really need to get your sleep.
If you want to talk just indicate this here and I will give you my email. I have free internet phone calling too. Some times talking to some one that has also experienced what you are going through and has a slightly better understanding can help. I am crazy as a loon but harmless.
You take care and I do hope you come back in and post.
Good Morning Luiseach. My email is email@example.com. Email any time and we can hold each other up some.
It is raining here today. I was working on laying patio pavers the last few days and so discouraged how it was turning out I took them all back up last night fenced off the area to keep the dog from getting muddy and went to bed. Woke to rain so guess I will be working in the garage today. Using a different set of muscles. Will probably be good for me.
Yes twice was a bit hard to take and both from cancer. I even mentioned that to his nurse the first chemo appointment so they decided they needed to watch me. Eye Roll!! I am crazy as I said but not that crazy. I needed to take care of my man for as long as he could be here with me and it was almost 4 years. I really miss him.
Be careful that you do not become ill yourself! You need your sleep! I have gone through many sleepless nights myself but after seven years, here are a few suggestions that may help. First of all go to grief counselling. At first I didn't think it was helping because I cried each time but now I realize that is what I needed. I wanted to talk about my husband to someone who was unbiased and had no preconceived ideas. You need someone to just listen. Keep busy. This is really important to me. At your age, you probably have a full time job,concentrate on that. If you are not working, get busy and find a job or volunteer. Volunteering helps me focus on others and not myself. At night , try some Bedtime Tea. It does make you drowsy. If that doesn't work, then you may need sleeping pills. Talk to your doctor. Exercise helps too. Join a group or pop in a tape. Last but maybe most important, don't isolate yourself. Accept invitations and don't be afraid to reach out. If someone says "give me a call", do it.
Thank you very much for your response, Marsy. I will try those things. I do have a full time job, which I went back to this week just gone, and although I found it exhausting, it was helpful to get back into a routine. I will seek out counselling too.
You say it's been seven years for you now, I hope things are a lot easier? x