When your loved one died you had no choice because you were not in a position of control. Tears flow and again you are not in control. Others around you take over and although they are trying to help, again you feel that you are not in control and maybe it didn’t matter because you did not even care.
Time has passed and slowly you need to regain that sense of control so that you can get back in balance. Start writing down all the things you are responsible for. Say “I choose” to do this task. There is something about saying the words “I choose” that will bring your control back.
Choosing not to do something is also a choice and as long as you take note of that choice you are still taking control. “I choose not to be upset when my married friend does not call” is actively taking control of your emotions.
At night take a look at your day and see what you did. Even if it was only one thing, celebrate that one thing. Say to yourself, “I can and will do the next task on my list tomorrow” and then do it.
Before you know it your list of things is done and they were done on your time schedule. Assume control of your life and you will be happier. After all, you know yourself better than anyone else knows you.