O.K. – here it is, I’m going to talk about sex, that forbidden topic that no one wants to bring up. What do you think of when the word sex is mentioned? Most of us tend to be interested, but scared and we react emotionally. But the truth is that sex is over emphasized and glamorized by society as a whole.
The funny thing is that married couples think single people get all the action and are free to get all they want, anytime, anyplace – and single people think that married couples are the ones that are having all the fun.
In reality, a widow often finds the hassle of sexuality the most trying in starting up another relationship.
Having a loving husband made having a sexual life easy and comfortable. Just because our husbands are gone doesn’t mean our sexual needs automatically go away.
Most widows are more or less terrified by the thought of dating again, especially if it’s been years and the dating rules have changed. They feel old, unattractive, unsure of themselves and fearful of the unknown.
Also, no matter what our age we still hear our parents telling us to be good girls. At this stage we may even find our grown children telling us the same thing.
No wonder dating is confusing and uncertain when you are a widow. I can’t give you any magic words of wisdom on this issue. Everyone has their own moral compass about what is right or wrong.
What I do know is that sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith if it feels right because otherwise you may miss the chance to have another great guy in your life. On the other side it can be easy to get mixed up with the wrong guy, so listen to your heart and be careful but not fearful.
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MARY
My husband died 6 months ago and I am missing the sexual relationship in my life. We were sexually active all through our marriage; right up until the end. So living without this intimacy is difficult. My kids are not against me dating.
The confusion comes in the part of the country which I live which in in a rural Midwest area. Ultra conservative! Remarriage and dating are not seen as normal activities to talk about or participate in. It leaves me in limbo.
I need to join activities that have active men participating. Maybe church groups etc. No matter what I do it won’t be easy.
Mary Francis
Hi Mary – you do what feels right for you and not what others think is right. Everyone is different, with different marriages and different grieving so its never good to compare one widow to another. Some widows do well with online dating so they can connect with men in a wider area. Just be careful and don’t give out any personal information. If you do decide to meet up with someone do it for coffee in a public place first. Take care, Mary Francis
Joyce
I’ve been widowed for 8 years. We had a great sex life, but now I’m afraid of what sex might be like. I’m older now, will it hurt? What if ”my parts’ don’t work as well as they used to? I do kegles. fairly regularly, but I just don’t know what to expect! I’m 67 and not ready to give up on another relationship.
Mary Francis
Hi Joyce, I think your best bet would be to talk to your doctor and maybe a checkup will help ease your mind. I know women who have remarried in their seventies and didn’t have any issues but everyone is different so its best to get a doctor’s opinion. Take care, Mary Francis