Widows and their wedding rings – A year ago I thought about taking my rings off but I just was not ready. It was almost four years but it didn’t feel right to me.
More time has passed and it will soon be five years that I went from wife to widow and lately I’ve put more thought into my wedding rings.
The wedding ring symbolizes our love for our spouses and afterwards it’s a comfort as a reminder of our love. It can also stop unwanted advances as we grieve. There are as many reasons to keep wearing them as there is to remove them.
Some widows move their rings to their other hand or pass their rings on to someone they feel close to such as a daughter or granddaughter.
In the end I took it to a jeweler and made two pendants out of them– one for me and one for our daughter. I cannot lie, it was hard to take them off but once I dropped them off at the jeweler I felt at peace and the decision was made.
I just picked them up this week and I love what they did. I will let our daughter have her pick because it doesn’t matter to me. No matter what I will always have one of them to wear and with it I will have all its love and memories.

saintpat
The wedding ring as pendants is very nice! I was married to my hnusband almost 50 years, and I have our ring on now after one year of widowhood. Occasionally, I put his wedding ring, identical to mine, on a bigger finger on my right hand. I like the look of the 2 wide gold bands. It seems to me anything you do is perfectly okay. Feel no obligation to do anything except what you feel like doing then. Later, it could be different, and that’s fine too.
Mary Francis
I agree with you that a widow should do what she is comfortable with and not let the comments of others make her feel rushed to take her rings off. It took me over four years to remove my rings and even so it was strange to have my ring finger go bare so I purchased a ring just for that finger. Thanks for sharing, Mary Francis
Karen Brevard
My late husband and daughter decided to surprise me with a new wedding ring for Christmas. Before the plan could come into full fruition, he passed from cancer. When we went to the jewelers to pick it up, the jeweler and the other associates encouraged me to keep and wear it forever. They were all a part of the initial surprise. They were saddened to hear of my husbands death. The ring is absolutely gorgeous, the ring of a life time! He paseed December 16, 2012. I’m glad I took their advice. It brings me such joy whenever I look at my left index finger. Memories are precious.
Mary Francis
It’s a perfect memory and as you said “memories are precious”. Take care, Mary Francis
Kathleen Chamis
I will continue to wear my wedding ring as a reminder of
all the love and happiness we shared not only with my
husband and myself, but with my two sterling sons and
daughter in laws. No more weddings for me! I am independent, have my own business as a violin teacher and professional violinist , continue my Biblical Theological
undergraduate seminary studies, have our good long time
friends I get together with on Sundays for church . No worries.No problems. Will be into my 2nd year and I
praise the Lord for all my blessings!
Kathy
Alicia Baxter
Can’t believe it. My husband passed from cancer on May 3, 2014. A grief counselor from hospice comes out once a month to talk and I saw her just last night and we talked about this very subject because someone had asked me why I was still wearing my wedding ring. It’s only been 4 months! This morning when checking my email I received this post about wedding rings. Coincidence? This post just reaffirmed to me that it’s ok to keep wearing it. I look at it everyday and it reminds me of how lucky I was to have him for 35 years.
Theresa Schwarz
I lost my husband the day before my birthday in October 2014. I wear both my engagement/wedding rings when we were first married and the past/present/future ring he gave me when we received the sacrament of marriage in the Catholic Church. I resized my husband’s wedding ring and wear it on my right thumb. This first year of “firsts” has been a roller coaster, but God sees me through every day and every moment. I thank Him for the 31+ years we were together.
Monica Mullins
My husband passed 8 years ago. I still wear my original wedding ring set he bought me 42 years ago. I have no desire to remarry. And the remind me of the love we shared.
IDA RUIZ
THE 22 YEARS WE SHARED TOGETHER ARE PRICELESS. IT WILL JUST BE 6 MONTHS 6/1 THAT I HAVE BEEN A WIDOW. AND I CAN’T HELP BUTT TO HONOR MY HUSBAND MORE EACH DAY BY WEARING MY NECKLACE URN WITH HIS ASHES AND STILL WEAR MY WEDDING BAND. I BONDED HIS BAND WITH MINE AND WEAR THEM EACH DAY ON MY RING FINGER. IT IS A CONSTANT REMINDER OF HOW LUCKY I AM TO HAVE HAD HIM AS MY HUSBAND AND THE FATHER OF MY 6 BEAUTIUL BABIES. I CANNOT IMAGINE HOW NOT TO WEAR MY WEDDING BAND. I LOVE YOU DAVID
Loretta Brown
My husband of 25 years passed away March 24, 2015. I thought that, by tradition, I was supposed to move my wedding rings to my right hand to indicate widowhood. However, no one seems to have heard of doing this and I had a man say that yes, he had heard of it but he thought it meant a widow was ready to be “hit on”. I was horrified and quickly switched my rings back to my left hand. Was I wrong about the right-hand thing?
Mary Francis
Sorry Loretta about the loss of your husband. I don’t think that many widows follow traditions like they used to. If we did we would still be wearing black for a year to show the world we are in mourning. Having wedding rings on your right hand doesn’t really mean anything as many people where their mothers rings on their right hand. Also, it’s hard to tell what is a wedding ring as the styles are not always what we may thing is “normal”.
I would suggest that you do whatever feels right for you. Keep your rings on or take them off or change hands – I think the current tradition is to do what makes you comfortable. Take care, Mary Francis
Melissa
I actually find some comfort in traditions. I’m only 53 and just lost my husband almost 6 months ago. I plan on wearing my rings for the first year and I have been wearing black and plan on continuing maybe even after the first year.
The thought of wearing bright colors is distasteful to me right now. And my favorite colors were already black and pink so I was already half way there.
My husband had many tattoos and I already had a few when he passed, I got a memorial tattoo that was a smaller version of the one he had that was for us with our names and “4 ever” encircled in red roses in a heart shape. And I’m planning on getting a black widow spider tattoo on my left hand. Just some of the ways I’m dealing with my grief journey.
Maureene Timken
What a wonderful site. I am 16 days away from being a
one year widow. I was married for 35 years and this is the
most difficult loss of my life. I so appreciate everyone’s
thoughts about our wedding rings. I have go back and forth about a decision. I took it off yesterday and after all
of your kind words, I have put it back on and it will stay.
Regards, Maureene
Christy MCMillan
How wonderful to find your website! I have lost my husband also. We were married 38 hears. I cannot bring myself to remove my ring…and am glad to see others saying the same.
Barbara
I lost my husband 10/12/11. We were together for about 48 years. I can't even think about taking my ring off as it represents our love & I have no desire to remarry. I keep thinking back to our wedding vows: 'til death us do part. Then, what? I cry every day. I still see a bereavement therapist. I have no life as our "friends" seemed to have disappeared. I keep asking G-d to take me as I would rather be with him than alone. I live with my daughter & her family in a 2-room apartment. But that is not enough. I can't seem to focus on anything more than food shopping, doctors' appointments, & paying my bills. I sometimes seem to go into a fog & don't realize how much time has passed. I get up late & go to bed late. The high part of my day is watching TV from 8-11 PM. This is no life.
Mary Francis
You’re right Barbara – your life is valuable and there has to be more to it than watching TV. First thing is that I don’t think you should take off your rings. Keep them on forever if that is what you want. You said that you are going to a “bereavement therapist” but you didn’t say how long. If it’s been for a short period have patience as it may take time to work through your grief. If however its been a long period of time you may want to consider another therapist. Even though that therapist may be the very best in their field that doesn’t always mean that they are a match for everyone. I would talk to your doctor about the fact that you can’t focus and seem to go into a fog. Some of your medications may be causing this effect and should be looked at by your doctor. Bottom line – nothing changes unless you change. Start with small changes that you can easily do such as seeing your doctor and revisiting your therapist. Take care, Mary Francis
Sylvia
My husband passed away December 26,2015. We would have been married 60 years this past June 30th. My heart is still grieving but have wonderful support from family and Church. I,too, have wondered what to do with my rings. I cry each time I think I should do that. So they will for now stay on my left hand because he put them there. I would be open to have the rings made into something beautiful to wear with a necklace, and I still have his band. I have heard the rings and band could be put together in a beautiful necklace piece. However, I prefer saving the band for grandson should he want it. Any suggestions would be welcome
Mary Francis
I think you have it right Sylvia in leaving your rings on your left hand for now. When you are ready to do something different with them I would suggest going to a jeweller to get some ideas on what you can have made out of them. It would be great if your grandson wanted the band and I think it’s a great idea to hold on to it until he is ready to make that decision. Take care. Mary Francis
k.lovinia hedges
I too lost my beloved Malcolm after 54years together and I will always wear my wedding ring on my left hand and my mothers on my right hand, his gold band I wear on a chain around my neck with a gold locket saying M for L, and together they keep him closer to me. Thank you all for a wonderful site. Lovinia H.
Mathmom411
I'm adding – because I fear others are out there like me – I took mine off. Initally, I NEVER thought about my band. Of course I wore it – it was part of me. We were together 33 years. Love at first sight – lightning bolts and all that for both of us back in college. He was my best friend. He declined for 3 years from his brain tumor. Then, several months later, while I was still in that horrendous gray fog of emptiness (going to many grief support groups), I looked at my left hand and the tears would not stop. I wasn't married. I had NEVER thought about that. I was NO LONGER MARRIED! EGADS!
It was like that first time I had to check off "widow" at my doctor's office and I nearly fell to the floor in grief. I was sobbing. I couldn't finish the paperwork. The receptionist whisked me off to a waiting room and hugged me. That was so awful.
As much as I was trying to survive one day at a time without him, the ring poked at my heart. Our relationship will never change – I will always love him, he will always love me. But I could NOT wear it on my finger – it made me so so so inconsolably lonely and sad. This does NOT mean I do NOT love him. I bought a gold chain and wore our bands together. Our rings were united – next to my heart. My little secret. My comfort. Sometimes on display, sometimes tucked away beneath my blouse, sweater, workout clothes.
Just like our grief journey – our wedding band "to wear or not to wear choice" is personal. Individual. Just like the band itself. But I rarely see anyone post who chooses NOT to wear it. So I thought I would. I miss him so much. It will be two years in just a few days. sigh. I am who I am because of his love … and his death. I am learning to comfortably wear this thing called grief….. and for me, comfort is NOT seeing the wedding band on my left finger, but around my neck, with my small tiny band fitting snuggly inside of his.
Chozella Undi
Hi. Its been 1 month and 6 days ..since my husband Patrick passed. We were together for 10 years. Im 43 now. We had no children. I live in Lusaka, Zambia in Africa. I just want to be with him. I know my time has not yet come but i do look forward to seeing him again. Im still in shock. still waiting for him to come back…its like he went away…on a trip….right now i cant even think of removing my rings or re- marrying. Before i met Patrick i wrote a list of all the attributes i wanted in my husband. ..out of about 25 items on that list..Patrick had 22 of the things i wanted in a spouse. The other 3 things on my list….well ..my marriage was great without them. I cant imagine God could better that. I will always love you, Patrick. I want so much to be with you again.
Barbara Chrisman
I appreciate so much finding this website and reading everyone’s posts sharing what I find to be a lonely road. My beloved husband of 44 years (plus a year engaged) “promoted to Heaven” on 11/1/2016 and, having devoted everything I could for 15 years to helping him live and beat kidney failure, after 3 years of very difficult but also precious and priceless days together, I’m feeling lost. We widows/widowers are all of a sudden fifth wheels of sorts and, while trying not to bring down everyone who worries about and cares for us, we must hour by hour figure out how to keep moving forward without feeling like it or wanting to, for we don’t get to know how long we must wait for the reunion with our Lord and our beloved.
Thank you to everyone for sharing your heartfelt story of coping and thriving and existing all rolled into one journey. Thanks to Mathmom411; I put my rings on and take them off as nothing feels “right” … I will know I’m not the only one who removes them if I do choose to do that. Blessings to all.
Mary Francis
Thank you Barbara for sharing your story. Widows supporting widows is what helps us all to heal as we grieve.
Take care of yourself, Mary Francis
Mathmom411
Hugs to you Barbara.
I’ve thought about having our two rings made into some type of single piece of jewelry …. but … I like that they are our wedding RINGS … our eternal symbol of love ….. so …. I don’t know. I didn’t even want a diamond – I just wanted a wedding band that matched his. I loved our bands – they were sooo pretty. they were not smooth – they were faceted – caught the light. We were happily married 26 years.
I DID buy a ring for me after his death …. has 5 diamonds … representing our family: me, him, 3 boys. I wear that white gold band on my right hand. THAT ring makes me happy – he loved being a dad. It was all he wanted. He told me he was “good to go” because he was proud of his 3 boys and he had a beautiful wife and marriage. He said, “what more do I need? I’ve done what I was meant to do.” Because he had brain cancer …. we had a long illness before I walked him up to the gates of Heaven. He was looking forward to it. Needless to say, Boy I Miss Him.
PAM
I lost my husband of 45 years to cancer. I’ve thought of getting an eternity band but as of yet have not removed my wedding ring. With an eternity band I thought that might be a reminder of my eternal love for my husband. I’ve looked at eternity bands several times and each time I walk away without picking one out. I have no desire to remarry so most likely will just keep wearing my wedding ring for a while and when I am ready move to an eternity band.
Cindy
I lost my husband of 47 years to cancer just over 5 months ago. Hospice was wonderful and has kept in touch with me continually since. They even made me a “teddy bear” from one of his shirts so I have something to hug on when the need arises. Which is quite often. I did wonder about our wedding rings and what others expected me to do. I am thankful that I came across this site and realised that it’s not a set rule and it’s ok to do just what I am comfortable with. I have kept my wedding rings on and now wear his band on a chain around my neck. I don’t think I will make any change for now but I do like the idea of an eternity band as a possibility in the future. My husband was my life and I want to keep him as close to me as possible. I find comfort in keeping his pictures around me as I talk to him continuously. This grieving process is new for me and I know I have a long way to go but I total agree to do whatever you need to do. Thank you all for allowing me to express myself too. God bless you through your grieving and may you find some comfort
Mary Francis
Thank you for sharing. Mary Francis
Julie
I lost my husband suddenly on November 30, 2016 from a heart attack. He was 53 and I’m 46. This was a second marriage for both of us, and a blended family. All of our children lived with us. We had a wonderful life! Each of us had a really bad first marriage, so, we really appreciated each other all the more. We never knew that this was what God had intended true love to be! Our hearts were connected and we were soulmates. I say all that because I will never take off my wedding band. ( We couldn’t afford an engagement ring, but I would rather have a good man than a diamond.) I want to wear my husband’s wedding band on my finger as well but I’m not sure all the options. Right now a good friend bought me a special heart necklace that opens and allows the wedding band to slide on, then closes so it won’t fall off. It’s great, but I really think I would prefer to wear his ring as a ring as well. Anyone else have any ideas or do anything similar?
Mary Francis
I had my rings made into a pendant to wear around my neck. There are comments from others on my blog. I think your right about wearing it until your comfortable taking it off and for some they never do. And that’s okay? because it’s all about what you decide. Take care. Mary Francis
A B Taylor
It was with a Happy yet Broken Heart I released my Mr. Wonderful of 25 years to the Lords arms just 2 1/2 weeks ago. (2/03/2017) Tom was a 17 year post injury TBI survivor from a car accident. We were wonderful HelpMates through this journey! I had the easy part of being the solution finder for all the pain and suffering he went through daily!
I like the idea of having the 2 loves of my life (my sweet Daddy and now Tom) wedding bands worn on a gold chain-close to my heart! Together as We all move forward at different paces, know that HIS Daily bread is sufficient- One day At a Time!
susan
I lost my dearest husband Chuck to cancer in February 2017 just 7 weeks ago. We were married just over eight years and I couldn’t have received a better man to share my life with. When we said “until death do us part” I don’t think I was truly prepared for it so soon into our union, he was 50 and I am 49…I look at my rings as the symbol of my total love for him and his for me, I do not believe I will remove them. I wear his band on a chain around my neck. My plan at this moment is to never remarry, I honestly could not even dare love someone else but as I know in life there are no guarantees…I take it one hour at a time at this moment, I strive to get to one day at a time…I have faith that will guide me and the thought of being with my love again keeps me smiling…
Suzanne
I am so pleased to find this website. I have been struggling about my wedding ring and I am so glad I’m not the only one that finds comfort in wearing it. I lost my husband Nov 2014 from a heartache at the age of 48. It happened so fast, I still can’t believe he is gone. We were married for 25 years with 3 beautiful children. I can honestly say he was my sole mate. He was my everything! I was feeling people would think I was crazy still wearing my wedding ring. I was concerned about others thinking I wasn’t healing since I still had my ring on. It keeps me connected to him. I didn’t choose to be a widow, so I will not take it off. I don’t plan to remarry, so if it helps so be it. Until we are together again my love, forever in my heart!
Mary Francis
Dear Suzanne. I was married 27 years and only 50 when Donnie died so I can relate to your pain. Wedding rings are the most personal of all items and desire the respect and love we give them. Don’t worry about what others think and do what your heart tells you. Take care of yourself. Mary Francis
Annie
I lost my husband of 10 years on March 11, 2017. I had lost my previous husband of 29 years in Feb. 2005. I just ordered a “widows band” that is black titanium that I can wear with my present wedding ring. There are many beautiful black bands and some complete with CZ or diamonds that you can add to your wedding set. At 63, and after being widowed twice, I certainly don’t plan on getting married again. Loosing my second husband has been the most difficult thing I have every had to face. Sending prayers of peace and comfort to all of the women in our sisterhood.
Barbara Ann Flournoy
I lost my husband to cancer on March 7, 2017. We had been married 56 years; I was almost 19 when
We got married; he was 24. Morgan was a wonderful man, husband, father, grandfather and great-
grandfather. I cry myself to sleep every night. I miss him so very much, but I know he is in a far better
place and no longer suffering. I feel like I have lost half of me; and I have lost the best part of me.
My wedding set was a small diamond engagement ring and a delicate wedding band. Afte 30 years of marriage and loving antiques, we replaced the engagement ring with a wide gold band set with garnets that had been given to a bride over a century ago. My delicate gold bandB fits under the garnet band. The gold band will not come of of my finger and I will continue to wear both. Morgan was the love of my life.
Mary Francis
Thank you for sharing.
Mary Randall
I lost my wonderful husband in January, 2017 after 15 years of suffering the effects of chronic traumatic encephalopathy (too many concussions) which looks like Parkinson’s and dementia. We had been married almost 46 happy years and his passing has left a huge hole in my life. I had to take off my wedding band. Every time I saw it, I cried. Now I wear my engagement ring on that finger and have both our wedding bands on a bracelet that I wear on special occasions. Glad there are so many appropriate options!
Sibabalwe Mehlo
I lost my husband on the 16th September 2008. We were married for 5 years and known each other for 18 years. It was the hardest time of my life. I still miss him everyday. I took off my ring after 7 years. I feel ready at that time to take it off. He was my friend and brother. I still think lot about him. He will always be part of my life.
Debra
In,let my husband the end of January 2017. He suffered a massive stroke 2 1/2 years earlier and was paralyzed, couldn’t speak, write or do anything for himself, except feed himself. There was so much damage to his brain and the damage continued to spread, similar to Alzheimer’s. it was heart breaking to watch his decline. We met at work 36 years earlier and ended up sitting next to each other, car pooling to work, eating lunch together and even working on the same programs. He was my best friend and soul mate. I miss him so much. I wear his wedding band on my left hand next to my wedding and engagement rings. Just came across this site and thank you for sharing all the options.
Sue
I lost my husband 2 months ago today. I wear my ring and his now. I still have no idea of how to move forward. As another lady wrote, you don’t want to be a depressive bother to family and friends. So I pretty much stay in my room watching TV or just sleeping. Tried a trip to our favorite beach spot, only made it 10 times worst. No plans to remarry, no man could beat him. Just lonely in a world full of people. For now the rings stay. Don’t know whats ahead.
Mary Francis
Dear Sue you are only two months into this journey and expecting too much from yourself. It’s okay and normal to feel the way you do as grief has to have its time. None of us widows feel like doing anything for months so don’t worry that you are struggling at this early stage. However, don’t become isolated from the support of friends and family as we need them to heal. Take care of yourself because you matter. Mary Francis
Inga
I recognise so much of what others say on this page, even though my situation is slightly different. I lost my fiancé, the one true love of my life, four months ago after two years of cancer. He was 36, I am 33. We were engaged for 8 months and had been wearing our wedding bands since we got engaged – for good luck, and because we didn’t know whether we would get the chance to get married in between all the hospital visits and treatments. He was buried wearing his wedding band – but at home I found his engagement band. I’ve continued to wear my engagement ring and wedding band, and his engagement band on my left index finger, every day. So, I never even got the chance to get married, but am wearing 3 rings. I never take them off and have no plans to take them off. They make me feel physically connected to him. To me, it’s a symbol that I’m his. I always will be.
Carol
Thank you for this website I lost my husband 18 months ago today. We had been married 42 years he left me two days befor Christmas. I too am still wearing my wedding rings and at this point have no intention of taking them off. I am still working for a few more months and then will be retiring. I mention this only because one of the women I work with started 2 weeks after I went back to work asking me when I was going to take my wedding ring off. The first time I excused myself and went to the bathroom and cried the next couple of times I went home at the end of the day crying. The last time I told her it was none of her business, and sorry but it felt good to stand up to her. It is a personal choice mine is to wear the rings Bobby put on my hand 42 years ago.
Mary Francis
Dear Carol, you are right to stand up for what feels right to you. I wore my wedding rings for years before I took them off. I know some widows that choose to wear them for the rest of their lives. It’s your personal decision – period. No explanation needed. Mary Francis
Beverly Mayle
Hello my name is Beverly I recently lost my husband on 8/16/17 of 26 years to COPD and I am very lonely without him but rejoicing knowing he is no longer suffering. I look at my rings and remember how special the day was we united as one my ? Is shattered but with family members friends and God guidance I’m hoping for strength to pull through ?
Robin
When my beloved husband and best friend of more than half a century died of cancer, I slipped his wedding ring off his hand and placed it on my own hand….second finger, left hand next to the finger on which I wore my wedding rings. He had selected both my rings and his own and they were not a matched set….for me he bought white gold and diamonds, for himself a broad gold band with three inset star sapphires. He never took his wedding band off, no matter what he was doing. When he died, the sapphires were no longer beautiful but battered, dulled, and one was shattered but still intact. Still he wore it always and to me it was symbolic of him and the strength of his feelings about our marriage. It looked strange next to my white gold/diamond glitter, so I took my rings off and placed them in my jewelry box. I had his ring downsized and still wear it on the second finger, left hand. I love it and all that it symbolizes and it will remain on my hand until the day I, too, die.
Nell
I am so glad I found this website. I lost my husband of six years ( second marriages for both of us.) to cancer suddenly on June 6 2017. We only found out that he had liver cancer on March 6, 2017. We loved each other so much. We were so good together. He was the strongest and best human being I had ever known. After a lot of failed relationships we found each other and our children all loved each other. So rare. I keep thinking after over & months I would be getting better but I just can’t think of living life without him. I know in my mind he is in a better place but my heart will never understand why my loving God took him from me. So I still wear my wedding rings and can not bear to think about taking them off. I tried one time to go to a grief share group at church and could not bear to go back. It seems like our rings are what makes me feel closest to him. I just want him back.
Mary Francis
To have loved and losted twice to a mixed blessing of having had been loved and yet having the pain of grief. For sure your wedding rings are part of your love and you should do what feels right to you because that’s what is important. Take care of yourself. Mary Francis
Annie
I wear his wedding ring on the finger next to mine, so they touch, all the time. It is a great comfort to me. I, too, have been widowed twice, but this time, after only 10 years, has shattered my life, as the love was so special. We have to do what feel right for us, as we are all unique in our love and our feelings.
Annie
Your story is so similar to mine. I lost my husband on 3-11-17, and still wear his wedding ring on the finger next to mine, so they are together, as we were. Sending you loving prayers for healing.
Patty
My husband passed November 12, 2017. He suffered for 6 long years with A L S.
My heart is broken.
Mary Francis
I’m so very, very sorry Patty about the loss of your husband. Your heart is indeed broken and grieving is a major part of healing. Please just hold on to anyone or anything that is stable and positive. It will help keep you grounded as you grieve. Take care, Mary Francis
Annie
Sending you prayers of comfort and healing during your time of grieving. Allow yourself time and patience, and hold on to those around you that are positive and caring.
Patty
Thank you.
Diane
Wearing or not wearing your wedding ring is a personal thing. My husband passed away over 6 years ago and we were married for 40 years. I continue to wear my wedding ring because it is my most treasured piece of jewelry. The 40 years were the best of my life. Even through the sad times when he was very ill.
This does not mean that it should be everyone’s choice.
I am not interested in dating…but who knows if the right guy comes along, I may change my mind.
Cynthia
Thought I would comment as I no longer wear my rings. We were married for 30 years. I had to have a big surgery five months after Jack’s death and my surgeon confirmed that I needed to remove all rings for safety. It took three days to get them off. I wore my wedding band and Jack’s on a necklace for a few months and have since transfered them to my charm bracelet. I have been widowed for 16 months and without rings for 15 months- no one has hit on me yet. 😮
Jan
I just came across this site. It is Easter Sunday. I lost my husband 2 days ago. Good Friday morning. July will have been our 45th wedding anniversary.
I have my children and grandchildren around me. I am not physically alone.
He went quickly and peacefully with nursing staff beside him. He may not have had too much longer with us but not this quickly. Far too quick. No time for us to mentally prepare. He is at peace I know but I so want him to walk back in that door.
How do you get through this? I’m frightened to make any decisions in case I regret them some time in the future. I see my children and grandchildren so upset and I can’t help them. What do I say and do?
At this time I have no intention of removing my wedding rings ever. Maybe I will change my mind later but not yet. Not ready. Far too early. Need to get through this funeral first and make other decisions later. I feel selfish thinking how on earth am I going to cope without him. I need him beside me.
My vow to him was ” For richer for poorer: in sickness and in health: For better or worse: Until death do us part.” Been there, done that. And now death has parted us.
Came across a beautiful song last night by Donna Taggart. “Jealous of the Angels.”
Mary Francis
Dear Jan – I’m so very sorry for your loss. You are right “far too early” to make any changes. Let your broken heart have time to heal. You can help your children and grandchildren by talking about your husband, your memories are important and they need to be shared. This will let them know that it is okay to talk about their own memories. This sharing will honor his life and how it impacted your own life. Take care, Mary Francis
Jan
Thank you for your words Mary Francis.
We are not having a viewing at the service but a short one the afternoon before so that the grandkids can put letters, drawings. whatever they feel they need to, into his casket. I think a few Easter Eggs are going in there as well.
Kim
I lost my beautiful husband of 16 years on December 25,2018. I’m crushed beyond words. My husband had never been sick. 2018 was such a devastating year for me. My dad passed in April of 2018, and the next thing you know my husband went to the doctor for a routine check-up in July of 2018 after my dad’s death, and found out that he had cancer. Everything went so fast that I’m still in shock. It will be nine months next week and I am still wearing my rings. I cry most days, but I thank God for taking him quick. He’s was such a beautiful person and I did not want him to suffer. He was my best friend and soulmate. We loved each other very much. I don’t sleep well no matter what I do. I’ve become socially awkward. I used to be very outgoing. Now I run for the hills. God put this on my heart to say. “Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted”. God has kept me putting one foot in front of the other. He will heal us all is time. Say a small prayer each day and ask God to guide you. He will. Thank you for this site. May God Bless each and everyone of you.
Mary Francis
Dear Kim – We all find our strength in our own way- some in religion, prayer, family and friends. For me prayer and journaling helped me find peace in all the crazy emotions I was having. One thing I know, God is always there. Take care, Mary Francis
Sarah Whitley
Hi all. I have enjoyed reading the thoughts. 40, now a single mom to a 9 year old, my husband of 11 and a half years passed unexpectedly on January 24th, 2019 from a heart attack. I found him, called 911, turned him over, did compressions and watched him die. It was awful and I was in a fog for quite some time. What would be our 12 year anniversary is coming up this Sunday, 10/6/19. I still cry most days, especially this week, where I am in a fog and have had trouble focusing and talking. I have experimented with taking off my ring set but it didn’t feel right. I often find myself going to sleep without them on, which I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing. I don’t know when I’ll feel comfy taking them off, or if I should wear them with his wedding ring/ashes pendant set. Everything is complicated, especially since I met someone unexpectedly, a long-time friend of my husband’s, who is becoming more than a good friend. I have had many people tell me that I will know when the time is right, but I don’t know. Like I said, it’s complicated……
Thoughts? Advice?
Mary Francis
Dear Sarah – Grief is complicated and our broken hearts need time to heal. The best often heard advise is not to do anything for a year – don’t sell your house, don’t move, don’t date and don’t make any big money decisions. In the 12 years since I’ve become a widow this is still the best advise. It’s complicated and will only be more so if you get involved when your still grieving. What is wrong with just staying friends for a while? There is no hurry and if he is the right guy for you he won’t mind giving you some space and taking it easy until you don’t feel that it’s complicated. When you have a clear vision of what you want it will feel right, and not so complicated. Wishing you the best, Mary Francis
J` Blackhurst
I lost my husband of 45 years last April. I still wear my wedding rings and although it has crossed my mind to take them off I feel more comfortable wearing them.
Don’t push thinking that you need to do this or that. You can make the wrong decision. I am glad you have someone however, be careful as to how far this relationship will go. You are still very attached to your husband hence wearing his ring and ashes. Make sure of your feelings for the new man. Make sure you are not looking for a ‘replacement’, someone to talk to, hold you, take away the pain. You need to say goodbye to your husband first, before taking the big step of allowing another man to take his place beside you. It wouldn’t be fair to the new man.
I do wish you all the best. Stay strong.
Donna Weiche
I lost my husband of 36 years Aug 24, 2019. I am 55 with two grown girls. He was my life, my best friend who I did everything with. I am not sure how to move forward. People think I am “ok” but when I am home alone I cry all the time. I wear my husbands ring on my necklace and don’t plan on removing my rings.
I am glad I found this website.
Mary Francis
Dear Donna – None of us go into this knowing how to move forward. There is no training that we can take and so we learn as we go. Don’t be expecting too much from yourself. Your broken heart needs time to grieve and the best thing is to talk about your feelings. Don’t wear the mask “I’m okay” when you are not. Cry and grieve – it’s natural and healthy so don’t hold back. Welcome to the site and I’m so very sorry for your loss. Mary Francis
Jan Blackhurst
Donna, I lost my husband of 45 years six months ago. It was sudden and unexpected. My children and their families were also badly affected by his loss but we concentrated on the grandkids. The only decisions I wanted to make were the ones that needed to be made such as his funeral. I didn’t want to do something that I would regret months or years later. I still have him here in the house as I am not ready to put him anywhere.
Take each day one at a time. Try and get into some sort of routine. For me, 3 of my grandchildren took the loss of their grandfather extremely badly. One didn’t want to even acknowledge his passing as it was too painful. The others were able to work through their sorrow. My children, their spouses and I concentrated on helping the young ones which helped us deal with it as well. It was very hard and I still wait for him to walk in the door, but it is getting easier. Time is easing the hurt; I will never forget him or the years we spent together, but I am slowly adjusting to his absence. I still wear his rings and for now have no intention of removing them. Maybe one day I will. We have been left behind and have to learn to live without them. Step by slow step.
Don’t sit in the house and grieve but find something to occupy your days – charity work for instance. I now have been shanghaied into going to the club. We have lunch, perhaps play the Keno, the others play the poker machines but I don’t, stay for the meat raffle. Sometimes one of us wins, sometimes nobody wins. But it gets me out of the house for a few hours. The worst time is the night time which can be so lonely. Get yourself a hobby that you can do of a night to keep yourself occupied, mentally. If need be talk to your doctor, get a referral to someone that you can open up to; even your local church minister has been trained to help. Don’t bottle it up. Make your husband proud of the way you are managing without him. Good luck.
Donna
Thank you both for the kind and helpful words.
Glenda Watts
We were married for 22 yrs and together for 26 yrs. Celebrated our last anniversary in the hospital on 02/22. My husband passed away on 03/02/19. He had heart surgery on 02/13/19 for an aneurysm in his aorta and a severely leaking valve. Started running fever that night. Kept running fever and infection. Called in Infectious Disease. Kept changing IV antibiotics. Did a nuclear medicine scan and the infection was in the chest. He had staph. He went back in on 03/02/19 for a clean out. Before he left I kissed his cheek and told him I love you, he did the same. He died during surgery. They were replacing his graft and his aorta exploded. Brought him back to his room and I was holding his hand and talking to him saying I was so sorry this happened. I leaned over and kissed his cheek and when I did he had a tear run out of the corner of his eye down his cheek and my nose touched his tear. It was like he was telling me he’s ok but he didn’t want to leave us. So I have continued to wear my wedding set and have added a widow’s ring to the set. I just can’t take it off. I have lost 55 lbs before all of this, I can wear it again and now will not be off again. No remarrying. Just can’t. He was my soulmate and my best friend.
Mary Francis
Thank you Glenda for sharing your journey. I wish it could have been different, but sadly your soulmate is gone. Please try to move forward and create a future for yourself. Take care, Mary Francis
Lisa
Glenda, I hear your pain and hurting and despair in your words. At this time you literally are in shock…I call it reeling, dealing and then healing. I also am in a reeling phase as I enter into Thanksgiving without my husband of 30 years…who died June of this year. It really is tough to be the one left behind isn’t it?
Prayers to you, Lisa
Suzan B
I am about six weeks away from the one year anniversary of losing my husband. We had known each other for 23 years and were married for 16. He was the love of my life. At first, I wondered what to do about our rings. I wore his on a chain around my neck for a little while, but I am not a necklace person, so it now sits on my vanity in a jewelry shoe he bought for me as a souvenir from a trip we took. It is lodged below the diamond earrings he bought me on our 10th anniversary. It is where I place my wedding ring every night before I brush my teeth and slip into bed for the night. I tried going out without it on and that never felt right, neither did wearing it on my right hand. I talked to a jeweler one night at a poker table and he suggested turning it into something else. That isn’t right, either. I love my ring. I remember trying it on in the store, telling my husband it was too expensive. He knew I loved it, so he swiped the designer’s brochure, brought it to a diamond merchant, picked out the stone himself and the jeweler copied the design. It has always been the perfect ring for me. I cannot change it into something else. Even though I am only in my mid-fifties, I will not remarry (unless it is an act of God) so I remain married to my beloved Tom forever. The ring is on my finger everyday and will remain there.
Mary Francis
Thanks for sharing your journey Suzan. I think we should all wear our rings until we don’t. Take care, Mary Francis
Lisa
Suzan B, I needed to remove my ring because it reminded me of how much I lost. Once I removed my ring and placed it inside his ring on a necklace….which never comes off, I could manage making it through the day at work.
Suzan B
Lisa – I totally understand the feeling of finding the right place and way to express the bond with our husbands.I love the imagery of your ring nested inside your husband’s, hanging near your heart.
Lori
Lost my Hubby in May, got his ring resized to my ring finger. Made me feel so much better. Married 36 yrs. Together for 40. It’s so hard we were soul mates💔
Iris Rowbotham
I lost my soulmate 7 years ago at Christmas. My wedding ring was getting tight and cutting into my finger.
I had it and my husbands made into one so it fits my finger beautifully now . I look at it with love in my heart and remembering all the nice things we did together…
Suzan B
Thank you, Iris for posting your experience. I have been thinking about combining our rings into one and didn’t know if it was possible. Now I do! I lost my husband just last year, 4 days before Christmas. It doesn’t feel right to be without it on my finger, but someday……
Iris Rowbotham
Hi Susan
I live in England. I am at my daughters in San Diego at the moment.I will have been here 8 weeks in 10 days. before I go back…I hope you find a jeweller who can do the rings for you
I wore it round my neck at first but even after 7years it didn’t feel right not wearing it on my finger I see it will be your first anniversary..x
Jan Blackhurst
I lost my husband of 45 years last Easter. I still wear my wedding, engagement and eternity rings. I have thought about just wearing my wedding band but not ready for that. Everyone is different. I guess a lot depends on the relationship, the length of the marriage, whether you are open for the possibility of another relationship, age. At this stage in my life, I am kept busy helping my children with their children – taking to and from school and work when needed, and just been a grandmother to them all. Maybe one day I will stop wearing 2 or all of the rings but am not in a hurry to do so.
This will be the first Christmas without him so will be a very emotional time for us all. Peace and love to you all.
Laurie
I had to stop wearing my wedding rings because looking at them made me sad
Margaret M Mando
I’m still wearing my engagement & wedding ring along with my husband’s wedding ring after almost 21 yrs. together. I’m trying to find an eternity ring to memorialize him & will always love & miss him!
Linda
While it’s sad, I love my rings and the memories that go with them. I am thinking of having both wedding rings, engagement ring made into one.
Denise Leach
After a few yrs of wearing his around my neck on chain I’ve chosen to remove mine and I wear his on the middle finger of my right hand where it fits so well that I never take it off for anything.
Tanya M
I notice most everyone is still wearing their wedding rings. I’m commenting in case anyone else needs to hear it’s ok not to as well. I lost my husband to suicide and couldn’t bear answering the inevitable questions about his death any longer. I wore my ring for the 1st year (he’s been gone for 1.5 years). It’s now in a jewelry box waiting for me to get energy to have it made into a necklace or bracelet.