At Chick’s Night Out we widows talk about everything and the last couple of months dating has been a subject of interest. For those who have lost a spouse and are looking forward to dating again, here are some tips to help you successfully start dating again.
There is no specific time period to wait before dating again
Grieving and the process of moving on is something that’s unique to each person. Whatever you do, don’t let others tell you you’re moving too fast or waiting too long. Make sure it’s something you’re really ready to try before taking that step. There will always be someone who will not understand why you’ve chosen to date again – their opinions do not matter.
Dating for the right reasons
Take some time to understand why you want to date. If you’re dating because you think it’s going to somehow fill the void or heal the pain that comes from losing a spouse, it’s not going to happen. Dating does give you the chance to experience the joy that comes with falling in love again but it has be right for you.
The first time you go out with another man you may feel like you are cheating on your late husband. You may even look around to see if there is anyone you know, as if you are doing something wrong. That feeling of guilt should lessen after you have gone on several dates. But if the guilt’s not subsiding, you may not be ready to date again. Give dating a break and try it later when you are more up to the task.
It’s okay to talk about the deceased spouse—just don’t overdo it
It’s okay to talk about the spouse when you’re first dating someone. Answer questions he may have about your marriage, but don’t spend all your time talking about the past. Showing a genuine interest in your date and his interests shows you’re ready to start a new life.
It’s okay to make mistakes
If you find yourself forgetting simple dating etiquette, don’t worry about it. Most dates will understand if they know it has been awhile since you dated.
Take things slow
We miss the kisses, having someone’s head resting on our shoulder and the warm body next to us in bed. This lack of physical and emotional intimacy is enough to drive us to the dating scene. We want that warm body next to ours and to have the words “I love you” whispered in our ears. But it can save you a lot of emotional heartache if you wait to make sure and take it slow.
Make your date feel special
It’s a basic dating rule, but it’s often forgotten by widows and widowers. Because we already had someone special in our lives, it’s easy to forget to make our date feel special too. Even though dating can be awkward and difficult at times, it can also be a lot of fun. Part of the reason we’re here is to enjoy life and dating is a great way to start living again.