Some widows start dating again and some never do. Some widows wait for that perfect man who is just like the husband who died.
You need to realize that you would not be the same wife because life and grief have changed you. Therefore, the same husband would probably not be the same perfect fit as it was the first time around.
Enjoy life and take control of your future. If the right man comes along then that’s great, but if not you need to be happy and contented. You and only you are responsible for how you live and feel.
Here is a link to a story of the realities of love written by a young bride, but it could also apply to some of us older ladies 🙂
http://theartinlife.wordpress.com/2013/07/22/my-husband-is-not-my-soul-mate/
Ruth Dodds
I agree that I could never hope to find a relationship like I had with my husband those first 20 years. Perhaps I should have ended the marriage when he began to change and left but I kept hoping for something that never happened.So I would like to meet someone,I don’t want a live in or marriage but it seems most of the men I meet are. So I am trying to adjust not only to life without someone I was with for 40 years,and to the fact that another relationship for me isnt going to happen
Hannah
Hi there, I have been reading a lot of your blog posts. I know I don’t have the same lasting marriages most people on this site have, but I am 22 and lost my soulmate and husband a couple years ago, suicide. I now have the strange issue of being such a young widow and the idea of marrying again terrifies me, but I know my husband wouldn’t have wanted me to spend my life pretending being alone is alright. I don’t know how to move on from him and I don’t know how to love someone that much again. He was such a unique person, and I lost out on getting to spend my life with him. I just want a future, but it’s so hard to imagine having someone else’s children or walking down the aisle for anyone else. Hopefully it isn’t offensive to say that I know if I had gotten a life with the man I chose I would never have been able to date again. Everyone tells me it’s not healthy to want to live my life alone though. I have been asking for signs that it’s okay with every guy I’ve tried to date since he died, but even when it seems like the signs are there I cannot commit. I know my situation isn’t normal, but is it at least normal to not see anyone else for the first 30 or so years because I think in my fifties I might be able to say yes to 20 year old men who want me.
Mary Francis
Dear Hannah. It doesn’t matter how old you are, all widows of all ages have a hard time thinking of dating again. Relax and when the right man comes along you will know it. Just like you did the first time.