Living Apart Together

Are you thinking about dating again?  It’s a big decision for most widows so I thought I would let you know about the big trend for our generation called “Living Apart Together”.

It’s the new thing for us boomers – we are committed to this new relationship, we are completely faithful to each other but are not getting married or living together.

It’s the widows who are making the decision to be “LATs” or “Apartners” as it’s sometimes called.  One of the reasons is financial – they want to ensure that their assets are left to their children.  That may get complicated if you live together so this keeps it clean and easy.

The other reason is that men want to be married or living together because they get taken care of.  Widows are getting wise to this and are keeping it as a faithful “dating relationship”.

Getting married does create a psychological shift and the expectations change when you’re married or living together.  But for some, marriage is the goal and if that’s you than go for it.  But if it isn’t than I hope this little postings has helped you realize that you’re not alone in the “Living Apart Together” world.

8 Responses

  1. Lou
    | Reply

    I was very happy to come across this post.  I have never heard the LAT term but I have been in just such a relationship with a widower for 1.5 years now.  He has his place, I have mine and we get together and travel frequently.  So far, so good. I was married for many years, divorced, remarried and widowed after a brief marriage.   This current situation works for both of us.  There is no less love or commitment than if we were married, in fact,  I feel much healthier knowiing that I am with him for all the right reasons and still need to take care of my own future and finances.

  2. Michelle
    | Reply

    Where was this site a year ago? I guess I wasn’t looking right. I’m so glad this site is here. Thank you for doing this for us widows.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Thank you Michelle I lost my husband nine years ago and found myself lost in my grief. This website has been growing over the years as I’ve healed. It is for widows and gives us a place to find support and also to offer support. Please join in the new “Community for Widows” and offer your story and support to others.

      • Michelle
        | Reply

        Definitely will do the. Is it easier now?

        • Mary Francis
          | Reply

          Yes Michelle it is easier, but it is still a journey with ups and downs. Mary Francis

      • Michelle
        | Reply

        Definitely will do the. That is what I wanted to do. I’m keeping a journal starting from when he passed. I want to see how I progress over time

  3. Erica
    | Reply

    I lost my husband 3 years ago , had been married 54 years. Recently I have been seeing some one who is also a widower, it has been 10 months now, living together has come up in discussion on several occasions, where would this leave us re House ownership , finance sharing, and if one of us died, the legal situation. Are you better to stay separate. or be married.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Dear Erica – No right or wrong answer to the question of living separate or together.  It is totally a personal choice between the two of you.   Just make sure that you have honest discussions so that you go into this with open eyes.  Also, make an appointment for the two of you to see a lawyer for advice in estate planning.
      Take care and be safe.  Mary Francis

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