In the summer time we Widows get tired of being by ourselves. It seems like everyone is busy with family and friends except us.
When we do connect with others it's a quick Facebook message or phone call. But there's a cost to not spending "face to face" time with our friends. How can we heal, express our deepest sorrows, hurts and losses if we don't spend time with our friends? An online friendship or phone call just somehow misses the mark. So much of what we feel is revealed in what others see in our actions, facial expressions and tone of voice.
We all have busy lives, so you will find that some family and friends don't have time for you jurying the busy summer months. Therefore, it's up to you to make your friendships a priority because social connection is what you need.
The single most important cause of positive feelings is defined as "knowing exactly what is expected and getting it done". Friends need to know what is going on in your life and how they fit into the big picture. You can communicate with them at a deeper level when you do it "face to face".
Ask them out to a meal, coffee, movie, shopping etc. Take the first step and you will be able to book some time with them. If you don't take that step they may feel that you have things to do or that you enjoy your time alone. Don't stay home alone this summer, get out and enjoy it with some old friends or make an effort to meet some new friends.
Getting out of your comfort zone isn't always easy, but it will do you good!
Joyce
Thanks. I have been overwhelmed by always being alone. I became a widow on March 18, 2016. I know I need "face to face" time. I will reach out.
Josephine Ingallinera
I've been a widow since January 26, 2016 when my husband unexpectedly passed away of a massive heart attack in front of me and my 15-year-old son.. It has been very hard I seem to be doing a little better but there are days when I'm having a rough time
Mary Francis
I’m sorry Josephine that you and your son had to experince the death of your husband so suddenly. It’s normal to find it hard to focus and be balanced after such a loss. Don’t rush this grieving time as it’s important to let it have it’s time so you will know when your ready to heal. Read all that you can on positive thinking and taking control of your life. Motivationally material will you see that the future is still controlled by you. Take care, Mary Francis
Paula Marie
My husband and I had gone to Myrtle Beach every year since 1996 except 1997 and 2012. After his passing in April of 2015, my good friend Chris and her daughter went with me that year. It was good of them to come but I don't think Chris's husband liked it. This year I went alone. I am glad that I only booked four nights because by the last day I was pretty tired of swimming and dining by myself. Each day I tried to find some activity to keep me busy but I had trouble escaping the emptiness. My mother worried about me and asked me to call her every day when I got off the beach and then again at night. I am grateful that I have her but she has her own life and friends too. I am having trouble finding out where I fit in.
Mary Francis
Hi Paula – I know what you mean about “fitting in” once your not a couple anymore. I also struggled with being a widow after years of being married. I found that if I wanted to travel or do things I had to make the effort to get out. I joined curling for two years and took some courses so that I had something to do in the evenings. I now travel with friends that I have met as a widow and it works well for me. Unless they are my sisters I no longer have any close “couple” friends and I have accepted that change. The truth is that I am not in the “couple” groups anymore mostly because I found it uncomfortable even when they tried to include me.
Reach out to new friends and social events. In time you will find where you fit in and are comfortable. Don’t give up and stay home, that is the quickest way to depression and that is one thing you want to avoid. Take care, Mary Francis
mary
My name is mary my husband died last year December I feel so alone I have a sista who has her own family I feel like she doesn't care because she does not ask anything about how I'm doing. I know she is busy and I'm grateful she was there for me when my husband passed away is it wrong to still need her six months later please help me i feel lost.
Mary Francis
Dear Mary – it’s not wrong to still need support but you may be looking for it in the wrong place. Not everyone has the time or caregiving touch and so they are unable to be there. I suggest that you take control by seeking out the support you need somewhere else. There is no better support than from other widows that understand your grief. Ask around to see if there are any widows in your area that you can reach out to. I’m sure that if you called them they would be more than happy to have coffee with you. If your in Canada or USA you can join our online Facebook page where you can talk online to the other widows. It’s a new group and it’s just starting but it may be of some help 🙂 It’s a private group so you will have to ask to join through Facebook – search for “Chick’s Night Out-Canada & USA” It’s natural to be lonely and need support but you need to take control of your journey and not depend on family or friends. Take care, Mary Francis
Ann G K
I would truly like to connect with more widow's that understand how hard the grief process really is. I have friends, but it's hard for me to burden them with my problems. I am older and I think it's harder to make new friends now, than when I was younger. Now older folks have their own health problems and other hard things to deal with. It's been quite an uphill climb to find folks to talk with and tell how I am feeling. Next week I will be joining a Grief/share group for the second time. I was hoping to connect in the first class with others, but it was in another town and it was very minimal contact both during that class and after the class was over. This cinubg class will be closer home and I do hope to find some folks from my town I can connect with. I am so lonely on week-ends and evenings.
Mary Francis
You are doing the right thing by trying a second time to find a Grief group that suits you. It may be that you’re looking for more of a social group and if so I suggest that you join some groups that you share an interest with. It’s also possible that being a volunteer will give you something to do on the week ends and evenings. It’s a blessing to be an older widow and still be healthy enough to get out and make some new friends. Take care, Mary Francis