Widows dating again – when is the right time?

You know what it’s like to have a life with someone to love and its normal to wonder about dating again.  But the act of love requires work and courage.  When alone there is a certain amount of fear when reaching out to others and loving again. 

How do you know when it’s worth making a sacrifice for love? You’re still young and healthy so you start dating and you sleep with them and then wonder if you slept with them because you care or because you just needed some sex.  Plain and simple, and yet it can confuse us.

The experience of dating, of doing things differently and being on unfamiliar ground is frightening.  There is always a risk that your heart will be broken, leaving you more painfully alone than you were before.

Fear of being abandonedThe problem is that your fear of abandonment could be stopping you from making a good relationship into a great relationship.

Afraid of losing control – You may be looking for a relationship where you control everything but you won’t really learn anything new.  To always be in control can be exhausting.

Fear of being hurt – I understand the fear when you put yourself out there, but the other side is a lonely life without the hope of having someone to share your life with.  You may even flit from one relationship to another because you don’t want to be hurt again. 

Fear of intimacy – Hey, we are all afraid of intimacy – it’s not like we are as young as we used to be.  This new person only knows us by what we look like today and there is some serious aging going on.  The thing is you put more attention to this than they do.  They are just as worried about how you will react to them.  After all they aren’t as young as they used to be either.

It’s always hard to move out of our comfort zone, but for something to change you must want it to change. Only by playing with love will you get a sense of freedom and knowledge about yourself, but having different experiences isn’t about sleeping around.  It’s not about who you let into your bed, but who you let into your heart.

3 Responses

  1. Raelina
    | Reply

    I think you missed fear of dishonouring your love with the one you loved so long that left. I don't want to be with another because I want to honour and cherish what we shared. But at same time I am a woman with physical needs. Do I abstane or just fool around occasionally? I am fresh in my aloneness but this plays in my head from time to time. Right now I am just want abstane long as I can, because it wasn't always about sex. He was first man to make feel like a woman, even though he wasn't my first.

  2. Pam
    | Reply

    I am struggling because I am going out with a widower and I am a widow.  He will never give me the care and love that my late husband gave as both our past late spouses relationships were different.  My husband and I were intertwined and hardly left each other.  My boyfriend and his wife were very separate people more so than I would be.  My boyfriend says he never wants to marry because he is now used to doing things alone and does not want to lose another love.  I may not want to marry but I want to feel protected and loved.  We communicate and are connected that way and we both do love each other.  I am just taking things one day at a time…

  3. Deb Alex
    | Reply

    This has been a very hard one for me. I’ve never been alone. I did go for one sexual encounter and of course found myself having feelings that I swore I wouldn’t. I think it’s how women are built. It’s been 16 months but I don’t think I’m ready my emotions are to raw.

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