Being a widow changes how we think about ourselves and how the world looks at us. It’s been years for me but sometimes I still feel like I’m half here and that if I’m not careful I will in time disappear.
Some of the widows I talk to say that people look at them different now that they are no longer part of a couple. It makes them feel as though they are invisible and that what they have to say is discounted, as if they have no value. There is this sense that we could fall off the face of the earth and no one would notice for at least a week.
In the early days you may find that people avoid you – making you feel less relevant. They may be afraid that they will someday be in your shoes or perhaps they quite simply don’t know what to say or do.
Widows can feel invisible – they miss their husbands, the day to day comfort and security of having someone to share their life with. Most of all we miss the person we were when we were with them. We felt part of something, but now we are no longer anyone’s “special someone”. We must not let the world define us to the point that we become invisible.
Get out of the house and prove to the world that you are here to stay.
Do some decorating – take a room, paint and accessories it,
Control your health, finances and social life. If you can’t control it, let it go.
Make friends with other “widows” as they understand and really listen.
Take time to talk to others. When we connect with others we are visible.
Pay attention to just this one day. Do something for yourself – what will it be?
The first step can be as simple as getting out of the house – don’t let the world define you to the point that you become invisible. You matter so go out there and travel this journey with your head high and it won’t hurt to have a little bit of that “I don’t give a ….” attitude.
Michelle Clines
I’ve been getting out, involved with the local theater group, dating, but I still feel invisible. Does it ever stop
Mary Francis
Yes – but only as we take control of our journey. We don’t “move on” but we do “move forward” little by little.
Mary Francis
Michelle
Thank you. I hope this feeling eases soon
Dolores
It’s been six months. Our 48th Anniversary is coming up this week. I have emotional weeks and numb weeks. I think on the good weeks that I’m getting somewhere and then back again , the same cycle. He still seems so present. I know it takes time. I feel like I’m just not getting any traction in my life. We worked side by side, now I’m busy doing e erything myself. This leaves me with little time for exercise class or anything I did to stay healthy.
Mary Francis
Hi Dolores – don’t be too hard on yourself. Six months is a small amount of time and you may still be in a daze so don’t expect too much. You will get the hang of doing it all and still fitting in time for yourself. But that is all about making new routines and comes with time.
Take care of yourself first and the rest will fall into place. Mary Francis
Dolors
Thank you! It’s great to be heard!
I know it probably takes baby steps.
The pain is tough, but I guess it can’t be avoided. I try to remember there are some days of relief!