A Widow’s Loneliness – Part One

Your quiet home is a constant reminder that your loved one is gone – really gone. The silence can be crushing and you may find it hard to concentrate. TV is boring and nothing excites you! There is a nagging, restless desire to do something, but on the other hand you just want to withdraw from the world.

Loneliness is poor company and so our need for emotional warmth may become insatiable. This need may stifle our friends until they have nothing left to offer you.

Seeking ways to escape this loneliness, many widows become “busy addicts”, with an activity for every day of the week and twice on Saturdays and Sundays. They find all kinds of excuses to keep busy so they don’t have to come home to an empty house. They go out with people they really don’t care for just so they won’t be alone.

When widows do this, they are running from themselves and their grief. The truth is you can never run fast enough or change locations often enough to avoid your loneliness and your grief.

This busy-loneliness varies in length and intensity from widow to widow. Eventually we all get tired and begin to realize that there must be more to life than running from our loneliness.

91 Responses

  1. Blueoceandreamz
    | Reply

    That is so very true. I found it more exhausting & depressing to force myself to go out with people I don’t really care about & force myself to do things I don’t really care to be doing just to be out & about & not home alone crying. So I have taken a break from doing this. Thank God I have a full time job that keeps me busy & away from my lonely little sad home. I am going to force myself to join a Gym soon maybe that will help I just cant seem to get myself to do it.

    • Kelly Waller
      | Reply

      My wife passed last month and all the phone calls and visits helped but now the phone calls slowed down and the visits stopped. It’s very lonely in the house and I find myself just driving around trying not to be at home. I wish this pain and loneliness would end. It’s really tough.

      • sherry s
        | Reply

        I can truly understand as the love of my life has passed away this past jan 2. although the employees at work keep my mind busy and my sister (up in new jersey) tries to keep my mind busy there are many times when I know how alone I am. the living alone isn’t the worst part, but being lonely without him after the 19 glorious years we had together. when I am off of work I find myself crying for anything. I almost had a meltdown while grocery shopping due to him not being with me. I tend to find it getting harder with each passing day, but try to remain strong for my angel in heaven.

      • Amy
        | Reply

        This describes me exactly. Lost my husband after 43 years of marriage. Everyone there fir me at first but visists,and calls are few now. I also drive around and put so many miles on the car but cant handle the quietnesss of the house. Please feel free ti cimmunicate through this site as any communication with others going threw this helos

        • putty
          | Reply

          i’ve been widowed 5 years. no one ever called or visited. I’ve been a hundred percent alone for 5 years. i talk to the dog. sometimes i think she actually understands. I don’t have money to get out and do things. i work around the house and have to look as his shop everyday. I called someone 2 years ago to come get everything out of there so i could rent it out. but i haven’t been able to rent it. i live way out in the country. i have no idea what to do anymore. and now you can’t go anywhere anyway. so depressing

      • Cilya
        | Reply

        God bless you. All is done through our Lord Jesus . Love you

        • Catherine
          | Reply

          Hi Cilya,

          I know exactly how soul destroying it is to lose the love of your life.
          My husband passed away in my arms at home he was 48 years of age.
          We were best friends for 28 years and he was my Happiness.
          He was diagnosed with kidney cancer which spread to liver ,lungs and brain.
          I cared for him at home until his passing.
          He was given 3 months to live ,it only took 6 months for cancer to destroy him.
          Coming home after funeral,and being alone in our home was devastating.
          It has been a year and a half now.
          And for the first year I could not see any future or light and the end of the darkest tunnel I have ever had to travel down.
          Being at home by yourself makes you do a lot of soul searching which can be a very lonely and confronting place.
          It has taken me a year and a half to except my beautiful husband isn’t coming home.
          And that I have to stop existing and start living .
          Every day I tell myself today is going to be a beautiful day.
          I wrote on my bathroom mirror .
          Be kind to yourself.
          And I say this every time I’m looking in bathroom mirror .
          Small steps is all you need to take.
          Try not to be to hard on yourself.
          There are days I am in tears still .
          But I’m learning how to live without my husband.
          And that he would want my to live and to nurture myself instead of being angry and sad that he was taken from me .
          I wish the best for you .
          The journey is not easy.
          But with support and strength,you will find peace within .
          Take care
          Catherine

        • Amy
          | Reply

          This describes me to a tea. My poor car has thousands of miles on it from driving around not wanting to face my empty house. Lost my husband 2 years ago. Feels like yesterday

          • Catherine
            |

            Hi Amy,
            Unfortunately we need to face being alone to be able to move on .
            I understand
            It’s a gut wrenching nightmare that is reality.
            Being alone in your home that is dead quiet.
            Can be deafening.
            And people who have not experienced it can’t help you .
            Only you can help you because others just won’t understand the depth of absolute despair and heartache you are going through.
            But when you start to see light .
            You exchange sadness and anger for strength.
            Your husband would want you to be happy .
            When we stop blaming ourselves,
            We start healing.
            It’s easier said than done and there is no time limit on grievance.
            I will always have a broken heart for my husband.
            But I’m learning how to live with it.
            And I know deep in my heart you will too ,when your ready not when people tell you ,to get over it.
            I feel your pain it’s a place you wouldn’t wish on anyone but you will come out stronger and knowing what you want in your life and don’t more than ever before by facing the emptiness.
            Small steps when you can
            Catherine

          • Amy
            |

            Thank you for your response. It really helped knowing others are facing this same challenge. I guess anither way to describe it is someone not asking you to meet somewhere but being forced. I feel like i am being forced into a new identity i just do not want. It is hard to take 43 years of marriage and toss your whole lifestyle out the door as if it nevee happened. I really dont think my journey will ever end. I will hurt and miss him till i take my last breath
            Amy

          • Catherine
            |

            Hi Amy ,

            The hurt will never end ,I agree .
            I had people trying to force me to do things I didn’t want to do either .
            Until I told them to back off .
            We should not be forced into anything.
            I decided not to see anyone due to this problem.
            People think they know what’s best but they actually make matters worse I found.
            Don’t feel guilty on telling people to back off .
            This is your loss your soul destroying journey that is going to be a life time.
            I understand you got to put yourself first your emotional self first .
            It’s not your problem how others feel and neither should people expect anything out of you .
            I will never let my husband be forgotten.
            And unfortunately people tend to think just get over it.
            And that’s why I don’t see anyone.

  2. Jo
    | Reply

    Oh how true. But a shock to read just how I am feeling. Thank you.

  3. Janice B Berry
    | Reply

    Dear Mary,
    It seemed when reading your Blog that you were singling out me, and I know that this pertains to all, but it is so uncanny. What’s the saying when you are at a loss for words, “I got nothing” and my husband has been gone for almost 20 months!
    A friend of my sister’s lost his wife 10 months ago, and he is already remarried! How do men do it? A widowed man where I live said he was looking for a wife! I told him, well good luck with your search and I hope you find one! How do they move on so quickly? Are they more lonely than we are? Most women at least the ones I know are still by themselves, that included, my Grandmother, Mother and Sister and so many women where I live and know.
    I feel like my bedroom is my shrine to my late husband. I have his urn on my dresser surrounded by a host of things that jar my memory, plus 11 pictures of either him or both of us. He is in almost every room. Lately I have thought of taking some of the pictures and putting them away however I feel like I would be deserting him in some way. For the longest time I wore his wedding ring on a long gold chain I bought, however I have not worn that in awhile. Not sure why but I felt like he was coming with me every time I wore it.
    Sometimes when I am in my car and I have no visual of my husband and I know that he has never seen or been in my car, I feel a “me” awakening, if you will. I kind of like the feeling and then I feel guilty!
    Wow, this is such a trip……

  4. Laurie zroback
    | Reply

    Hi Mary, have been reading replies to posts on Facebook page. I too have changed some things around thinking that would help but I end up moving things back where they were. And at first when I changed my closets around it felt like I was taking over “his” space, I don’t feel so bad now when I take something out of that closet. I’m seriously thinking of moving, starting fresh. Maybe I’m just running who knows. But I do know that I will give myself the year before making any big decisions. Funny thing is my late husband did say to me that I’ll probably won’t stay in condo after he’s gone even though purpose of buying the condo in first place was so he wouldn’t have to worry about me after he was gone. I feel the loneliness here and there’s just not enough things to keep my busy. I don’t mind alittle yard work and gardening..still quite capable of doing.

    • Blueoceandreamz
      | Reply

      Hi Laurie,
      I am glad you posted this as I was forced to move 6 months after my husband passed because the condo we were renting was sold and when I moved I was forced to go through all my husbands cloths & personal items which made me devastatingly sad also the fact I had to give his clothes away & donate other things since I was moving to a smaller unit. I was not ready to do any of this & it set me back in the mental health dept. I too felt so guilty when I had to take up the whole closet in the new place & not leave room for him in the drawers, closets & medicine cabinet. I was also upset whenever I came across any food I found in the pantry that was bought for him – had to give all that away too. So sad..take your time

      • Pauline
        | Reply

        The day you wrote this my husband died. He was the love of my life. I think I would die too if I had to give his stuff away. I am so sorry.

  5. Sharon Marshall
    | Reply

    Dear Mary,
    I am a recent widow of 6 months. Was just feeling lost and read your article. Made me feel better to know I’m not alone. So true about not wanting to come home and wanting to move .But than doesn’t feel right. Like your dishonoring your husband for all you worked for. At the same time if he was here he would tell you do whats right for you. So hard to know whats right, but good to know people understand and I’m not crazy. Thank you

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Hi Sharon. Your not crazy but I know that the emotional ups and downs sure can make us feel that way? We get stronger, so hold on tight. Take care of yourself and thanks for sharing. Mary Francis

  6. Rita Andress Andress
    | Reply

    My husband of forty years passed away November 23, 2015. He had been ill for quite sometime. My drive in life was to get him well again. Even when the doctors said his numbers were dropping I was in the firm of mind to get him fixed. On that last night at the hospital, the doctor spelled it out for me. His organs were all failing and he would pass away soon.

    I was stunted. I heard the words, but could not believe them. at 3:30 AM Nov. 23rd. He was gone. This cannot be true! I suddenly felt all the pressures of my world land on my shoulders. I had to face this bravely for the children. Be there to console them and help them through this terrible time. The funeral over, the children gone home. It was like the world took a breathe and was holding it. Now everyone watching how I handle this. Now it will soon be 24 months since I last saw my husband. Family, Friends, and Church are very supported. I am keeping busy. My children think I should be begin dating. I cannot picture myself romantically involved with a man. I really miss my partner in life. It is hard to go places alone and I feel like extra baggage when I go out with married friends. Yvonne

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Dear Rita. Don’t date because others think you should. Date because your ready and because your have met someone that is worth it. Your in control of your future so do what feels right for you. Mary Francis

  7. Sharon
    | Reply

    We were married very young, some 63 years before he passed. Cry still for him daily after almost 2 years. Children moved us while he was ill but miss my old friends and church. Each day is a challenge for me.
    S.R.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Dear Sharon – I’m sorry for your loss and can understand after 63 years that it is hard to get back on your feet without him. Is it possible to visit your old friends once in a while or are you too far away? Did you join a new church in your area? It’s important to get out and be sociable as it helps us to heal. It’s normal to still be grieving within two years but healing should be there. It may be that your not only grieving the loss of your love, you are also grieving the loss of your home, friends and church. Too many changes in a short period of time will make it harder to get rebalanced. Try to make some new friends, join a church with some good outreaches and bible study classes. Take control because your worth it. Mary Francis

      • Sybll
        | Reply

        Some people do not find being sociable heals. That is like saying to get a small blanket and place it over a wound so gaping as to be the size of the top of an open volcano. Sick of hearing that type of lame advice, especially given to a senior married sixty plus years.

  8. mary Crawford
    | Reply

    I have been a widow fir 6 years. Ivwas so lonely that 2 years after he died i married just to say im married. It lasted a month. Then after the divorce i met a man eho i thought was good and i did love him but not thr same as my late husband. He ended up being a mental abuser. He was a widower so i thought we had slot in common, it lasted almost 3 years. 2 days after i asked him for a divorce he was on pof looking for a new woman, who he of course found and married. She thinks hr is wonderful, i feel sorry for her. Ever since i got my divorce from him i have realized that i compare any man to my late husband Pat, no one will ever compare to him. So at 53 i have just decided to face the fact that i will be lonely the rest of my life. I have my 2 grown kids and few friends but just doesnt make up for losing the love of my life.

  9. Vernette Andry
    | Reply

    The loneliness is SO BAD. I am sitting up in bed at 1am in a STILL lifeless house. My husband and I were in love for forty years them he had a massive heart attack and died. I always had my grandson living with me but now he is gone and for the first time I AM totally by myself. My family do not seem to care. No male has approached me. I wonder why. I am so sad. Day by day by night I am alone. Oh I am a very active person however my life is so sad. I cry sometime.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Dear Vernette – I’m sorry for your loss. I don’t know how long you have been a widow but I do know that loneliness is the hardest part. Your family has there own lives (as do mine) and I learned early on that I have to make my own way and not depend on them to fill my needs. You don’t have to be alone every day – join a social group of anything that interests you or the gym to get out and meet new people. It’s okay to cry but there comes a time when you heal by taking control of what you want to do. Don’t let life pass you by, because I’m here to tell you it is a lot easier to stay sad and do nothing then it is to get out of your comfort zone. We are spiritual and energetic beings and our health is directly related to the environment we are in. It’s important that your emotional needs are looked after – to feel safe, loved, important are needs that when filled will help you be motivated to surround yourself with people who understand and support you. This is your life, create an inner circle of people who you enjoy being with, and free yourself up from others that will sap your strength. I wish you the very best, Mary Francis

    • Sybll
      | Reply

      Well you can only hope the loneliness, naturally and eventually takes you mercifully to your other half. Experts say each day of loneliness equals the same negative effects as smoking several packs of cigarettes. It must have been helpful to be a widow about 100 years ago when lifespans were shorter; living longer now, but alone is a type of slow torture that you wouldn’t knowingly want to inflict on another.

      • Mary Francis
        | Reply

        Hi Sybll – A life without hope is indeed a sad and lonely life. I hope that you can find your way through your grief so that you can heal your broken heart. Take care, Mary Francis

      • Sherry S
        | Reply

        I was never what one would call a social butterfly but my God do I miss the love of my life. It is only pushing three months since he went home to Heaven but I am so lonely without that man it isn’t even funny. I still get people telling me to go out with them or this and that I and I am telling them that was never me and no, I do not want to go out but thank you. My co-workers have been great with me for the most part, but basically I am hear alone and listening to the sound of silence, the pitter patter of the cats and the barking of my pitbull. I am no happy and don’t claim to be but this is the way I need to grieve; slowly and alone. I cry everyday; sometimes hard and sometimes just light tears, but I do everyday.

  10. Mary
    | Reply

    Hi, I have been a widow for 3 years with 4 grown children, plus 3 grand children, but yet I have begun to fill lonely, with no tell how I really feel. I have discussed this with my Pastor, and my church gives me great support, but still I am lonely. I am 62 years old and was with my husband for 41 years, I try to stay busy all the time but, it just tried me out, one while I was just.runni.g in and out of town for the peace of mind. It had to stop, meet someone who I thought wanted to enjoy life with me but he really didn’t, it felt like he was just playing around and I don’t need to play games so I moved on. Now I am tryi.g to find something else to get I interested in.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Hi Mary – It is tempting to date to fill in the loneliness but it rarely works out if that is the main reason we do it. I also used being busy to fill my days and I just added “being worn out” to “being lonely”. In the second year I found my passion in working with other widows and over the last ten years it has lead me here. Look for something your passionate about, means something to you, something that you really enjoy and feel is worth doing. If you find that, then your life will get back on track and you won’t be quite as lonely. Take care, Mary Francis

  11. Hazel
    | Reply

    Hi, I’ve been a widow for 3 years, my husband died of a cardiac arrest in 2014. I’ve kept myself busy ….working, taking on an Open University course, looking after my 7 step grandkids whilst their parents go on holiday. It has all helped me to get through the past 3 years however I’m exhausted and having to face what can only be described as crippling loneliness. This year I went on a short break with a friend who I considered an understanding person however I now realised that for some time I have been filling a gap for her needs and becoming a sort of lapdog who is always available to sign up to classes or some other activity to satisfy her needs when her own husband is away on golf trips with his friends. I feel like my friends want me to become more cheerful ( recently another friends told me to smile more !!) she had never spoken to me like this before and it felt like a set back. The upshot of this just makes me feel my friends do not understand what it is like to have lost the love of my life. I feel I want to cut them off but will make my excuses and instead seek out an organisation where I can speak with other widows. I feel sad most of the time, but make a huge effort to stay positive however it is hard to smile when your heart is so heavy. I doubt I ever fully understood what it was like for a widow friend of ours (she moved away and I don’t see her now) however I do know that I was always kind and considerate of her situation and tried to be respectful. Right now I feel lonelier than ever. Hazel

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Dear Hazel – Believe me when I say it’s not you, it’s them. Please don’t start wearing the mask of “I’m okay” just because your grief makes others uncomfortable. Don’t make excuses because grief is a natural part of living and it’s needed before we can heal our broken hearts. Sometimes friends just don’t know how their actions affect us and they don’t know how they sound. Speak about how you feel and if they can’t respect your feelings than it may be time to find friends that do. I did a great 40 page guide on Relationships that is available on this website that may be of some help. At the very least please go to the “Just for You” section and enjoy the samples. Take control and make the changes necessary to feel that your appreciated just as your are. Take care, Mary Francis

  12. Kathy
    | Reply

    As I struggled with another day of crippling loneliness, I came across your article and most of it descibes everything I am struggling with. It’s heartbreaking how loneliness affects so many of us. I am new to this club in which I did want to become a member. My husband and best friend went home to Jesus on Nov 22 and I feel I have been snatched out of my life and dropped in a wilderness of darkness. If only we could gather up everyone here in one place to walk with each other through these times. God bless you all.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Dear Kathy. Thank you for sharing your journey. It’s hard but one thing I’ve learned is that it helps to share our feelings and be supportive of each other. Mary Francis

  13. C Lee Rowe
    | Reply

    I have read everyones’ experience with becoming a widow on here. I truly feel so much for you all. It is truly a very harsh reality when you lose your spouse. I am going on 4 years on and haven’t a clue what to do. I don’t have a workplace to keep my mind busy since I had already retired when my husband was called to heaven. I am seriously lost and can’t seem to get it together.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Hi C. Lee – I agree it’s a harsh reality when we lose our spouse, but it does help to reach out to others that are on the same path. Keep in contact by following the blog or Face Book page for encouragement and support. You don’t have to do this on your own. Talk to others about your feelings and your memories as they are an important part of who you are. Take care, Mary Francis

  14. Kathy
    | Reply

    Hi C. Lee ~ I can relate to being lost and not being able to get it together also. We need some sense of purpose in our lives. A lady told me about a widow’s group at her church, where the ladies meet once a week for coffee at one of their houses, they do things like make teddy bears for groups to give to children and serve for different events at church. I’m thinking about something like this, even if I have to organize it, or either volunteer work maybe in a nursing home. There are so many struggling with loneliness, single mothers who need a hand, children in foster homes who need love; just makes sense to reach out to others. Hope this helps with some ideas. May God bless you with peace, comfort and strength daily.

    • Betsy Janeway
      | Reply

      Kathy, you sid it! I feel I have lost my “purpose.” It’s such a strange feeling. I am 83, married 63 years to a wonderful man. Our 5 children have been so kind to me, but I can’t burden them with my intense loneliness and sadness. So i try to be “okay.” I live on a farm in the country and it’s hard to connect except, these days, by Zoom! Good old Zoom. Some days it’s my sole connection with others. The sadness really HURTS. I do have some very kind friends, but no one truly understands how miserable I am. Betsy

      • Kathy
        | Reply

        Hi Betsy, I am so sorry for your loss. I can relate to all that you shared ~ trying to be “okay” for the sake of others, the strange feeling of losing our “purpose”, the deep hurt of sadness and loneliness magnified by the challenge of isolation due to the pandemic. And you’re so right – we can be surrounded by dear family and friends, but unless someone has experienced such a loss as we have, they can’t really understand the depth of our pain.

        Loneliness and isolation are very challenging. One thing I have found that helps when loneliness presses in, is I remind myself that I am not alone and that Jesus is with me. I spend time in prayer and in God’s Word, and I listen to praise and worship music. These have always helped to lift me out of “muddy pit” days.

        Someone once reminded me that if we are still on this earth, God has a purpose for us; something for us to complete. I am seeing that more clearly with time.
        I pray God’s comfort and peace for you, dear Betsy, and as you continue to heal, that you will find new purpose that brings you uplifting and healing moments. God Bless and keep you. ~ Kathy

  15. Janet
    | Reply

    I am truly happy to have found this site. I have been experiencing some of the
    same feelings as many of you have expressed here. I had the sudden loss of my husband November 2014. I miss him terribly. We were married for 44 years.
    people just don’t get it with some of the comments they make trying to make me feel better. I understand and feel the loneliness without my husband. May we all find comfort and peace as we continue on this journey. Thank you for listening.

  16. Constance J.
    | Reply

    Hello ladies,
    Just hit the 3yr. anniversary of his death and I feel just like C. Lee. I live in a small community-already semi-retired. Completely lost. Nothing interests me, I feel dead inside many days.I know I should help other people and get out of my shell, but it sounds so exhausting. I have been going through hospice training but think it might be too much right now. The lonliness is suffocating. My children and few women friends are all out of the area-there are few jobs here. Thank you for listening. Sigh.
    Constance J.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      I’m sorry Constance for your pain and for the loneliness that is overwhelming you. I noticed that your only semi-retired so that means you are getting out of the house part of the week. It’s hard to be single and to build a life as a “single” person, especially so when you live in a small community. Have you considered moving closer to your children and friends when you fully retire? What is holding you there? Maybe you could start looking for a job and apartment in the area they are. No harm in checking things out. Just planning something new and positive may give you something interesting to think about. Take care, Mary Francis

  17. Sherry S
    | Reply

    I just lost the love of my life Jan 2 of this year. He was never a quiet man, but this house is so empty, quiet and lonely since he has been taken Home to God. I have been put on a 6 day work week now so that I am not off for 2 days; however this will only be for a few weeks. I cry constantly and sometimes I do not want to do anything nor go anywhere due to the fact that he is not here with me. I have been told by one that “I need to get over it” and another said “I need a hobby”. It has not even been 2 months yet and they are telling me how I should be feeling or doing or whatever the case. My only salvage right now are my 4 legged children and my sister (who happens to live in New Jersey). Thank you Sisterhood for the great support.

    Sherry S

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Dear Sherry you are entitled to your grief and no one should be expressing their unwanted opinions. Your heart is broken and you will never “get over it”. As time passes you will move forward and not cry as much. Let yourself cry and grieve for your husband as long as you need to. It’s normal and natural to miss him so don’t give those comments any attention. Take care of your self and your fur babies?. Mary Francis

  18. Amy
    | Reply

    I have been widowed for a year now. My husband i i were married 43 yearrs. I feel like my heart was cut in half. I drive around in my car aimlessly with no where to go. I miss him terribly. I feel like i bither friends and family to try to fill in the lonliness but nothing helps. My faith sustains me but hurting so bad

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Hi Amy – I’m so very sorry for your loss. I hope it helps to know that its normal to be lonely and lost in your grief. Hold onto your faith as a lifeline as you grieve and heal as our broken hearts take time to heal. Follow this blog and Facebook Closed Group for Widows as you will be able to connect with other widows that are trying to find their way. You don’t have to do this by yourself – seek out others to share your journey with. Sincerely, Mary Francis

      • Amy
        | Reply

        Thankyou Mary for your response. I am not on facebook but try to fillow this blog on my email account. My email is,tomandamy@zoominternet.net. would love to hear from anyone to help through this lonely difficult time. I have met a couple widows that i go to movies with or out to eat but am so exhausted frim running everyday to escape the lonliness. Need prayer .

    • Sherry S
      | Reply

      I am still basically new to being a widow. The love of my life just passed this Jan 2. I also just aimlessly drive around not knowing where I am going or even what I am doing half of the time. If God were to send him to me for just one more day I would hold onto him. And if God were to take him back then He had better take me with him. We were together for over 19 years and part of my heart went with him. I have faith and I told him it was ok to go and that I love him, but I miss him so much that the pain is unbearable. People tell me that I will heal, but that is something I do not believe. I merely believe that one day I am going to have to accept that he is not going to be here with me to help with everyday decisions and/or just to be with me.

  19. Amy
    | Reply

    Thankyou for your response Mary! This is the first time i have reached out through a site pertaining to this situation. Went to evening services at my church but only feel temporarily comforted. Friends and family i dont think really understand because the still have their spouces. I will keep watching this site because feels so helpful to share feelings with others dealing with this same loss. Thankyou again

  20. Vicki
    | Reply

    I recently moved to be near my youngest daughter. She lives very near me but I don’t want to be the meddling mother in law. My husband died in 2003. I retired before I moved. I guess work kept me busy. I find I feel very lonely now I need to find something to keep me from being lonely. I am quite a loner anyway but some days loneliness is unbearable. I know I get depressed at times. I do love to sew and crochet. I just haven’t been interested. I keep a clean house and have 2 dogs and a dove to keep me company.I’m not interested in a new man and have not dated since my husband died. My daughter and son in law take me out at times and we have a great time. I just don’t want to.be there 24/7. They have their own married life and I dont want to be in the way.I hate being a widow. I kind of get jealous when I see couples together.Especially older ones. I guess I just need to find something to do to keep me busy and not dwell on the past.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Dear Vicki – I understand why you don’t want to make your life around your children. We all feel that way and it’s okay. We are independent women and we don’t want to lose that independence. You are right in that you need to take control and find something to do that you enjoy. It’s hard to get out but if you don’t make the effort your world will keep getting smaller and smaller. You are a strong woman and can do anything you want – so go for it. Mary Francis

  21. Wendy
    | Reply

    Hi, My name is Wendy. I was married for nearly 13 years. My husband died suddenly of cardiac arrest after an 18 year battle with prostate cancer. We have 2 beautiful sweet children ages 7 and 12, who are true miracles as doctors said we could not have children. If I didn’t have them, I would not be in a good place. I am only 44 years old. I have a job and am surrounded by amazing supportive friends in my community. I have a wonderful family that is there for me. Most days I do fine as I am involved in so many extra things. My husband was very restrictive and would not allow me to be away from my children much. He would get very angry if I volunteered even for my children’s school functions if it kept me out of the house past their bedtimes. I was under his “authority”. I feel like a butterfly most days that is blossoming into the person I have always wanted to be. He was not all bad, though. He was a generous person to his children, the community, and God. He just had old fashioned thinking like the 50’s. What I miss most is the connection he had with my children. I miss seeing their excitement when Daddy would walk through the door and they would run and jump in to his arms and hang on him. I feel for my children as daddy daughter dances happen and we have no daddy. I feel for my children when their homework helper is no longer there and I am not as good at it. I feel for my children when there are no more special daddy/kid days when mom has to work. I feel for my children who don’t have the family unit that they see their friends have. I get angry (in general-not directed) when I ask my friends to do something and I have to bring my kids and I ask if they are bringing theirs and they say “they will stay with their dad-he’s home”. I get angry when a friend comments “It’s so important for daughters to spend time with their dads” to me days after my husband passed. Other friends telling me I can “borrow their husbands for help with this or that, but I can’t keep him”. People say such stupid things sometimes. Or when one of my husband’s best friend joined us for dinner to talk and be there as a male figure for my kids and the server kept referring to him as dad and my son finally got upset and said “that’s not my dad, my dad died”. These moments are not daily, but each time one happens it’s like a new wound, that creates many scars. I am closing on a new home this week and I am feeling guilty as I should be doing this with my husband, but am doing it alone. We lived in an apartment for 5 years and wanted to buy again, but financially we were unable. Now that all our debt died with him, we are able to do it. My emotions, much like my writing are all over the place. Some days I am great, and others not so much. I am too young to be alone, but have no desire to be with someone.-probably too early anyway. I will end with that. I wish I didn’t have more to say.

  22. melissa
    | Reply

    Hello all,

    I lost my husband of 32 years to pancreas cancer. He did not live long after diagnosis. He was my absolute best friend, lover and business partner but most of all my true confidant. Luckily we have 3 grown children and we can lean on each other. Larry will have passed one month tomorrow. I feel physically sick and nauseous and sad of course most of the time. Reading all of the comments helps me to know that there are several others out there dealing with the same issues. I feel so lost now, as when he was sick (for 7 months) my world was all about caring for him which I loved to do ( I am an RN). It gave me purpose and now there is ‘nothing’ at all that keeps me occupied for long. I am not and will not be ready for professional work as an RN for a while as I am unable to focus for long. We live on a farm so there are some day to day things that have to be done and thats great as I am able to push through some of those tasks… I am looking for some advise as to how the ease the pain? Thanks in advance 🙂

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Facebook Page The Sisterhood of Widows – Closed Group for Widows
      This group of widows from around the world share their grief but also their healing. It is a great place to get support and encouragement.
      If you request to join please answer the three security questions to get approved to the closed group.

      Also, there are three FREE guides that you can download from my website at:
      https://sisterhoodofwidows.com/guide-downloads/
      After you get one or more of the free guides you will receive weekly and bi-weekly articles of support and encouragement from me for a year. You can unsubscribe at any time.

      All of this will help you to grieve and heal your broken heart. Take care, Mary Francis

    • Amy
      | Reply

      I can relate to your pain as my husband died suddenly last year after 43 years of marriage. I also to felt sick in my stomach and i still do. I have felt some comfort with other widows but after visits with rhem it is still.the horrible aline feeling all over again
      To live the rest of my lufe with this pain us unbearable and dont know where to turn.

  23. Dorothy
    | Reply

    Being a widow sucks. I hate the word. We were married for 43 years and 11 months. He decided on suicide. I miss him in so many ways. Just the way he would finish my sentences. Its really hard to realise thats gone forever. It will be 4 months next week.
    Does anyone find you’re desperately lonely but you can’t stand having people around? Its rather weird isn’t. I’m just lonely for him.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Hi Dorothy. I am so sorry about your loss. It’s not weird to have mixed emotions, just about everything is hard to deal with when your grieving. Don’t be expecting too much from yourself. For now just accept your loneliness as natural and you don’t have to apologize or make excuses to anyone. Take care, Mary Francis

  24. Sherry S
    | Reply

    May 2 marked my love being gone 4 months. We were together over 19 years; his heart gave out after the hurricane Michael tragedy. Mine had suffered 2 strokes until a heart attack took him from me. I do understand, Dorothy, when you say you are desperately lonely but cant stand having people around you. I hate being alone in this empty house and yet I do not want to go out or be with anybody at this time as I just want him back. I cry almost daily; sometimes two or three times during the day. Went to Home Depot today and our song was playing in the store (My First, My Last, My Everything). I believe this to be a long and very painful journey that will never end. Thing is that I still cant put my radio on in the car as it feels as if my music died with him. I do find a tiny bit helpful to keep a journal and daily or every few days I write in it.

    • Dorothy
      | Reply

      Thank you for agreeing with me. Many things feel so strange. It really helps if somebody says ‘I also experience it like that’.

  25. Sherry
    | Reply

    Dorothy, Maybe you and I need to really keep in touch. Our thoughts and feelings are on the same page, but a lot of people do not understand and this is why I joined the sisterhood. I have not even put on my radio since the day they told me he wasn’t going to make the night. He made the night but passed the next morning.

    Keep in touch

  26. Catherine
    | Reply

    Hello my husband 48 years young passed away in my arms on the 22 nd May 2018 from kidney RCC cancer spread to lungs ,liver and brain .One year has passed and it’s been soul destroying My happiness my best friend of 28 years isn’t coming back and I’m 48 and not sure if I will ever laugh again like I did with my husband.I am a strong independent person usually, but now I’m struggling to see any light.Am I allowed to be completely happy again or will I keep on not allowing myself to be happy.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Hi Catherine – As one widow to another I feel the need to ask you, “Why will you not allow yourself to be happy?” What is in your journey that makes you think that the more unhappy you are is equal to the more you loved your husband? Moving forward and living a full life does not mean that you loved him less. In fact, it shows that you honour his memories enough to live life to the fullest. You see, Catherine, it takes courage to live and be happy.

      I believe that you have this courage because you reached out for healing. Believe in yourself, Mary Francis

      • Catherine l
        | Reply

        Hello Mary,

        Mary you see I am my own worst enemy.I will punnish myself because I could not save my Husband .
        I find it so frustrating and soul destroying that no matter what I did for him Cancer had already decided to take my Brenton .I know I have to stop beating myself up but I feel so guilty I couldn’t help him .I would of done anything to get that cancer out of my husband .I have slept in a chair for a year in the kitchen because I can’t bring myself to lay down with him not beside me .I am a strong women but this has tested me .I want to be happy .I don’t want to just exist I want to live and embrace life, if I would only let me .
        Thank you Mary for your words of truth .
        Catherine

  27. Jeanie
    | Reply

    This resonated with me today. Hubs has been gone for almost 4 months now. Cardiac arrest. Dropped dead on our kitchen floor. We met in high school, married over 30 yrs, together for 52 yrs, It comforts me to sleep on his side of the bed…so I don’t have to keep reaching out for him. I am going to move. What bothers me is looking at new homes and when I see the garage/”workshop” of the new home…I just die. He loved carpentry and left behind so many tools, table saw, etc. I heard a man on TV saying “Well, I never peeled so many potatoes except when I was in Ireland,,,” & my heart skipped 100 beats! He was such a comfort to me when our son was killed. I am estranged from my toxic relatives. I am looking to share a home with another widow in Sacramento, CA. She would never tell me to “Snap out of it” or “Stop wallowing in grief”. Other widows walking in my shoes are my only genuine source of comfort now. I also have hobbies and 2 chirpy spoilt parakeets who miss their Dad. He built them an indoor aviary and used to go to them w/ treats each morning saying, “Well, how is my Twitterverse doing today”? I watched the documentary Woodstock, on PBS last night & it reminded me so much of him back then. I miss his voice, his smell, his touch. Thank you for all your comments & my heart aches for everyone here, too.XX

  28. Carole
    | Reply

    I am a widow, and find now I am getting very lonesome. This is just stared a few weeks ago. have lost many in my life time. I am 86 yrs old and find my self a lone. It is hard for me to get around. Oh I had 5 children,loss the youngest from Breast cancer. All 4 daughter have had cancer. #3 had Breast cancer 4th one has non-hotchkins. My second daughter has cancer again. I have 11 grandchildren and 13 great grands. I lost my 2 brothers and 2 sisters. Our Son is ok so far. I know I am loved but no one has time for me. They are busy with their own family. I lost my husband 6yrs this coming Feb 2020. I just feel I do not fit any were now. I have a pets 2 cats a a small dog .I do go out with my daughter on Wed and Fri dinner with my son and daughter in-law. for a couple of hours.. and love it. I know a lot of people but non are my age that would go to lunch or a movie with. I’s just hard to be alone sometimes. Thank you I feel a little better writing this down

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Hi Carole – Sorry for your loss and I know that change is even harder in our senior years. But most cities have a “Seniors Community” with hundreds of recreation/leisure things to do that are set up just for seniors. There are also many senior outreach programs that give seniors a chance to get some social time with others their own age. Please check out what is available in your area. Take care, Mary Francis

  29. Francie
    | Reply

    I became a widow in 1999. To this day he is in my heart, mind and sole almost every hour of every day. My last thought at night as I struggle to go to sleep is of him….. morning finally comes and he is once again my first thought. Will it ever end? I have family that loves me but they have families of their own that keep them busy. As most of you have said, when the funeral is over and life goes back to normal for our friends and family our life is forever changed and the loneliness takes over. Being invited to functions or family celebrations is comforting but also hard because I find myself wanting to go home so I can block out the laughter and joy they are all experiencing. Most people in my life have no idea of the struggles I have been experiencing all these years. I remarried less than a year after his death thinking being a wife would make me happy and things would get back to normal. My heart was just not in it and the marriage failed. He was a wonderful and loving man and I was honest about my feelings from the beginning of the relationship so he knew about my depression and that I was not in love with him…. he said that would come and he could handle being patient with me. Seventeen years later I love him as a brother but not as my husband. We have always had separate bedrooms and he has never pressured me to have a physical relationship with him. PLEASE – has anyone else experienced anything like this? Do we ever get over the loss of a marriage truly? Some of you are probably thinking I should count my blessings and move on but how can I when I feel so guilty of loving someone who has been deceased for so long and, it is not fair for this man that I can not feel the love that I should. Doctor’s have diagnosed me with a broken heart and clinically depressed. Medications have not helped and time has not helped. Suicide is on my mind so often that I have even picked out an outfit to be buried in. So I need a friend that I can talk to I guess because no one else I know has lost their husband. My mother, father, 2 brothers and the loss of one of my children has not compared to the loss of my beloved husband. Any thoughts or advice would be most appreciated. All of us on this site are suffering and my heart goes out to each and every one of you. Take care not to do as i did and think another relationship will be the answer. Take time to try to heal your heart before you try to love once again… that is what I am realizing more and more everyday!

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Hi Francie. You have many deep and important questions. The best place for all your questions is on my private Facebook pages just for widows as they will be able to share their own stories with you. Please go to “The Sisterhood of Widows – Private Group for Widows” and request to join our group. You have to answer the three security questions. Take care, Mary Francis

  30. Helena
    | Reply

    Seems like I’m in the same situation, Its only two weeks since my darling spouse left me, I don’t have family near me, no body calls me, seems like nobody understands my loss, I’m all alone just with my thoughs.

  31. Mary
    | Reply

    My husband died 3 months ago and I seem to be grappling with my identity now, I don’t have a husband to care for and talk to and laugh with and hug. I also don’t have family near me except my brother who is in his own world coping with severe illness due to heavy smoking. I know people don’ t really know how to help me and what really can they do? Yes, thoughts and good memories. Mary

  32. Diane
    | Reply

    Where do you live? If you are in the country, it sounds like you have not had regular contacts in the community, that people would know you and know what is going on. I live alone too, and after my trauma, found it so hard to be alone. It’d be great if you could find a renter, maybe someone else in your situation. May God bless you in this time.

  33. Kate
    | Reply

    My beloved husband had a heart attack 3 months ago and all but a couple members of his family have become hurtful. When I have said how deep my grief is, they immediately say the same thing: we ALL have experienced the same pain. His mother is consistently telling me that her loss is much greater than mine because I was only his wife. She was his mother after all.
    They do not understand the deep pulling of emptiness from the death of your chosen love. Just because they lost a family member whom they’d call every few weeks, they did not lose the person they were crazy-in-love-with. I was with him every single day. He was my very best friend. He was always there for me. They minimize my grief. This is because I am not the first wife, so I am not the mother of the adult children. The family is watching over and protecting them, while I am completely pushed out.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Hi Kate. You are right, “they do not understand” and they never will because you are his widow and your broken heart is different then theirs.

      Don’t waste your precious energy on others. You need all your energy to grieve and heal.

      Take care, Mary Francis

  34. Kate
    | Reply

    Mary, how are you holding up? Since we’re in the same situation, I thought I’d check in. Sending virtual hugs.

  35. Carol
    | Reply

    Hello to ALL the contributors of this blog,

    My heart aches with each and every one of you, as my tears are uncontrollably streaming down my face. This is the first time I have come across this forum. Your words hit me to the core. I have lost the love of my life two years ago, after almost 46 years of marriage. I met my angel on my seventeenth birthday, and we married three years later. A Vet who served in Vietnam for 13 months, he developed a blood disorder that became an aggressive cancer, after exposure to contaminated water in basic training, stateside. Two years out, I am still in grief counseling and still inconsolable over my loss.

    I want to thank you all because each of you have captured in words and thoughts, a little piece of my “new” being and existence, that I have not quite fully recognized, verbalized or come to terms with. I even wrote down some of your quotes, such as ” I have a broken heart”, “my life with this pain…”, “a long and very painful journey…”, “I miss his voice, his smell, his touch” and “It takes courage to live and be happy”. Your words are how I truly feel.

    I wish to share with you all, two little lifelines I have stumbled upon that first, has given me some pause and secondly has permitted me to laugh a little at some unique challenges that we widows may confront… as we attempt the difficult task in reprogramming ourselves, to love ourselves and find meaning and purpose in life going forward.

    1) Ted Talk “Jane Fonda: Life’s Third Act” _ YouTube

    2) Hulu Network, The movie, “Good Luck to You, Leo Grande” starring Emma Thompson

  36. Ellen Dean
    | Reply

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts ! We would have celebrated our 50th anniversary tomorrow. Loosing a spouse, my partner in life has been profound. It was during the covid shut down. No funeral , no friends coming to the house. I am just now, after 2 years, trying to reinvent myself. Who am I now ? What is my purpose in life? Friends, family, and my faith in God are a blessing. I try to be thankful everyday for the good things in life. I truly miss him, loneliness is a constant companion. But I am truly blessed.

  37. Lesley J.
    | Reply

    Oh my, ladies, this page is quite a find! I did a search on how to cope with the extreme loneliness that occurs after one’s husband dies and came across this forum. Your stories are so poignant – and of course, all have a similar theme to my own experience. My heart goes out to all of you; our grieving processes may not be exactly the same, but only another widow who loved her husband can truly understand how it feels to be widowed. My husband died in hospital at the end of January this year. He contracted CV-19 (we both did) and progressed rapidly through all the recognized stages to a vent. Once on life support, there is, apparently, only a 33% chance you will survive it according to our local statistics, and even then, you may not necessarily be restored to complete health but have to face months of rehab. I console myself with the fact that he did not have to struggle to regain a vestige of his earlier health. He did not have any significant co-morbidities, just a low-functioning thyroid. Doctors thought he was going to pull through . . . I mention all this because I have had to face this phase of my life not only without him, but with the knowledge that conventional treatments for CV-19 may have hastened his death. Sorry to be rather political, but he was denied the use of inexpensive, re-purposed drugs that MAY have saved his life, even tho’ I requested them. I am seeking a way to honor his, and many others’ names, for hospitals need to be accountable.

    On a positive note, I do not know how people recover without a strong faith. Mine is certainly helping me to move forward, but it’s a day at a time, for certain.

  38. Michele
    | Reply

    How are you now? I see it’s been 3 yrs since your post. I am now going through what you went through 3 yrs ago.

    • Ellen Dean
      | Reply

      I am resigned to my new life. I have moments of really missing my husband. Still adjusting to being alone. I’m not as disinterested in life as I was. I’m looking forward to the holidays this year even though I know how much I’ll miss him. This is not something I will get over, its something i’m learning to live with. I’m grateful for the small things. Life is different but I am blessed ! My faith and my friends and family are even more important!

  39. Ttt
    | Reply

    Interesting post about business and loneliness. Thank you for sharing. The only thing I would add is,as a widowed person , just as before, one size does not fit all.
    A Level of keeping yourself active is positive and healthy thing. It’s a journey. I’m 11 years since my spouse passed. You have to find the balance that works for you.

  40. Julianna
    | Reply

    I am not someone who posts, but I am grateful for finding this site and everyone’s open heart sharing. I lost my husband to leukemia a year and 7 and a half months ago in less than 3 months, with a remission in the middle followed suddenly by septic shock, intubation and finally compassionate care. I have never felt this lonely in my life. I’m an only child, but I had parents growing up. I agree with other comments, that losing family members was not as hard as losing my life partner. When I lost my parents my husband was there to support me. Now it is about “self-soothing” as one counselor put it. I’ve heard from a new widow acquaintance that the second year is the hardest, and I have felt that to be true, especially during the holidays, since our celebrations was together and with another couple, but they are still a couple! My husband and I were best friends and being more introverted, we enjoyed spending time together. We didn’t have children and I have no siblings or parents and the only cousin I was close to is near death. I still work and I think that is what keeps me sane. For me I feel that I long for family and someone to truly “know” me. That “knowing” and feeling part of a family came from being married. Now I don’t know how to fill that void. I have made a few new acquaintances, but they all have siblings and seem to depend on them. I don’t have many close friends and the ones I do have are busy with their spouses and think I am doing fine. I understand they don’t get this deep loneliness. I continue to focus on adding to the very small tribe of friends I have but I see that it is very hard to meet new people. Any advice on how to get to know new people when in your 60’s and still working? Has anyone tried “meetups” for different interests? Thanks for reading this! And thank you everyone for sharing!

  41. Jilly
    | Reply

    They say grief gets easier with time, and I used to think that was true. Now I am not sure.
    I worked overseas most of my life and came back to the UK to take care of my ageing parents. I had no friends here, only a few relatives, but all of them became sick. They are all now gone. My sister in 2016; my father in 2017; my husband in 2019; my brother-in-law a day later; my mother in 2022; my cousin a week later, and my last remaining aunt in January. Being sole carer for my husband, my father and my mother meant there was little time to grieve, and it had to be in private. Now they are all gone, and I realise that all that grief never went away. When I was diagnosed with cancer in October it was almost a relief, as crazy as that sounds. I survived surgery and I am physically okay—or getting there—but now there is nothing to stop all of that grief drowning me. I want my husband back; I want someone to tell me it’s going to be okay, but there isn’t anyone, and it’s not. How can it be when everyone I ever loved is dead, and I am still here? He was my best friend and until his last illness, he was the strong pair of arms that held me and made the world better. Now all I have are ashes and too much time.

    Thou art my life, my love, my heart,
    The very eyes of me;
    And hast command of every part,
    To live and die for thee.

  42. Linda Miller
    | Reply

    I just found this website after scrolling through different ones on my phone. So many of these stories echo my story, I lost my husband 8 months ago to bladder cancer, he was 67. We were married for 34 years and had a wonderful life we were very fortunate to be able to travel with his job and he had a job that he loved. When he retired in 2015 we moved from New Jersey to South Carolina and that was going to be our base we never intended to retire there, but we just didn’t know where we wanted to go and we looked at so many places and I finally came to the realization that I was looking for what I had left behind so although we bought a house in South Carolina near the coast in 2019 I never really liked it here and said some things to my husband not I regret and I just can’t move on from recalling what I said. Then it’s September of 2020 he was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic bladder cancer. It just came out of nowhere and it was like we fell off a cliff. However he was so fortunate to have such good medical Care here during covid because had we stayed where we were everything was in lockdown and it might have been difficult so for that I’m very thankful to be here.

    So many things happened after he passed away but before he did pass away and knowing that he wasn’t going to make it he put together a list of things for me to take care of and he was so worried about me handling things but I think you would be very proud of me for what I’ve done, it’s been difficult and I made a few mistakes but overall I’ve handled it pretty good.

    The saying is so true that you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone I know I had a wonderful husband but just how wonderful I didn’t realize until I don’t have him anymore and I’m just so lonely without it. He was my rock my safe space my connection to everything. We didn’t have children and his family lived several states away but my family are overseas. I started to volunteer at a local thrift shop that benefits animals which I’m really enjoying and it’s good to be around people. I live in a 55 plus community but I’m really considering a move and a fresh start because I don’t really like this area I want more opportunities for hiking and there is none of that here. Friends that we and I had made when we first moved here on our way to be seen now they moved on and made new friends.

    Most of our friends live in different states and they have been very supportive we mainly text or email, but I’m just so very lonely I don’t really know how to live my life as a single woman now. I used to go to the gym all the time and do classes but I just don’t have any enthusiasm for any of that and I’m finding myself not wanting to be around people anymore. I’d love to get a pet but I know it’s not the right time to do that but maybe down the road.

    Some days I just can’t believe that he’s gone I try to imagine what he was like before he got so sick. I have several voicemails that I saved when I listen to them and look up videos all of us and photographs just can’t believe but he got such a bad cancer diagnosis, somehow we always think that happens to other people never in a million years would we have thought it would happen to him.

    I’m sorry this is so long thank you to anybody who reads it.

  43. Linda Miller
    | Reply

    Jilly, your words of your husband telling you everything will be okay resounded with me ..my husband would tell me that, but now I only have myself to trust that things will be ok. I am from the UK, my sister, niece, nephew ….she would like me to move back …my story is below yours ..I lost my husband in October 22. I just don’t see a future ahead for me , my life was being a wife….I am scared about the future, when I need help, some days I just think I wish I were not here. Please feel free to reach out to me.

  44. Linda Miller
    | Reply

    So sorry for your loss. I came across this site last night. Have not had time to read the stories, it it is definitely a sisterhood none of us want to be in.

  45. Alex
    | Reply

    I’m so sorry. From three years on as the widow of a man I reconnected with after 30 years apart — my soulmate — try to ignore all the hurt from the mother etc. They don’t matter to what you two had and was sacred to you both. Try to get comfort in nature and try to feel him around you. Best of luck in this lonely time.

  46. Prof
    | Reply

    I live in England where our natural reticence inhibits expressions of grief.
    My husband and I were together for 60 years, married for 58 and now I am wandering aimlessly in a landscape without a horizon.
    He was my world and I his. Having no children, after one early loss, meant that we were everything to one another and, together, we could face whatever life threw at us.
    Now, I’m alone and never again will those strong arms hold me and never again will I hear his loving voice telling me, “We have each other.”
    I cannot leave the house unless someone takes me. I don’t WANT to leave the house. I’m desperately lonely, not speaking to a soul for days on end, sometimes weeks but I feel more alone in company than in solitude.
    There is no purpose in my life although I do volunteer with a befriending charity for widowed people.
    All my friends are dead and I have only one sibling, living with cancer, hundreds of miles away. My village has no amenities, not even a post office and I do not drive.
    My sight is rapidly deteriorating and the thought of the future terrifies me.
    During all our years living in this village we supported the church, raising funds and doing practical work for as long as we were able. Since my husband died, not one member has visited me for a chat. The Churwarden has responded to a couple of requests for help with specific tasks but that is all.
    Only my faith prevents me from putting an end to an existence no-one will miss.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Can you look for a Senior Living building where you would be in a community of other widows?

      • Kat
        | Reply

        A Senior Living Building/community would be helpful. I have a 91-yr young widow friend who was suffering from deep loneliness and depression due to living alone after her husband passed from this earth. I helped her move to an assisted living community and it has been really helpful to her. She was uneasy about trying it but as she put a toe in the water it has really been a blessing. The socialization with others has helped her tremendously and they have in a way become family.

    • Kat
      | Reply

      Dear Prof, I am sorry for your heartache. I know how challenging the isolation and loneliness is, and feeling more alone in company than in solitude. I am also sorry that your church has not reached to you more. This unfortunately happens often.
      Please remember that if you are still here, God does have a purpose for your life and He will guide you to it.
      When my husband passed I thought the loneliness would destroy me; it’s the worst part. It has always helped me to keep a Christian tv channel on such as TBN or Daystar, just to have some positive messages surrounding me. And so many times a message is shared that is just what I needed. I also lean on praise and worship music a lot which helps when I’m really challenged. It really helps to get connected with other widowed people; we understand what each other is going through. I joined a grief group, and connected with a couple people and we became “grief buddies”, reaching out when we are struggling. This has been most helpful as we’ve leaned on each other along our journeys.
      You mentioned that you volunteer with a befriending charity for widowed people. Is it possible to ask someone in the charity to see if they know of any grief support groups that you could get connected with? Or perhaps check with your church or another church? There may be a group that could help with transportation as well. And, in the meantime, consider us your “grief buddies”. Remember that God does have a plan for you and there is hope ahead for you. God bless you.?❤️??

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