What to Say to Widows

Don’t expect all your friends and family to know what to say to you. They may try but often it does nothing to acknowledge the emotions you are feeling and comes across more like unsolicited advice.

There is one phrase “I’m Sorry” that is helpful but only if they actually knew your loved one. If they didn’t you may think “No, you’re not sorry. Why would you be?” As grievers we are sensitive and hyper-vigilant to what people say to us. It would be better said as, “I’m sorry to hear about your loss” or “I just heard what happened and I don’t know what to say”.

You don’t need your friends and family to be your therapist, you just need them to be there for you. To listen to your grief, your worries about the future and your loneliness.

We just need to talk openly about our emotions. Sometimes the talking will help us to identify our feelings and keep them from getting buried deep inside of us. Buried feeling are like silent killers that can blow up anytime and they can unexpectedly hurt those that we care about.

If you don’t have anyone to talk with, than join a Facebook group, Forum or Grief Group, online or in your community. The burden of our grief is so much lighter when we share it with others.


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