Recovering From Trauma

Widows need to talk, to share their stories and memories. Fortunately, most of us know that talking to a compassionate person can help heal our emotional pain, but if along with grief we carry anger and bitterness, we can get stuck.

Are you honoring your feelings or stewing in them? Does it help to talk about your trauma or are you left unhappier? Is your brooding intensifying into depression?

Instead of going over and over what you have lost, try to focus on what you have. Example, instead of thinking of all the years you’re not going to have him in your life, focus on the years you did have him – ending with “we didn’t have as long as others, but we had more love than most people dream of.”

It’s important to find an accepting, empathetic person to talk to. Talk about your pain but also about your love and happy memories. These aren’t stories of self-pity – it’s part of your life, where you can find a way to honor your story without sinking beneath it.

5 Responses

  1. Josie
    | Reply

    Dear Mary,

    Going back to my hometown Philippines is a way of relief after experiencing anxiety and panic attack last year, we went to the ancestral home of my late husband and we saw all his pictures when he is still a young boy .
    When the tears are starting in my eyes, my daughter told me not to cry, I felt that a relief doing this , bringing my youngest daughter to the house where my husband spend his childhood, for me that is one way of honoring my husband, we spend Christmas with my sister & brother in laws. Spending time with families and friends back home give me the joy and happiness that I need, and I felt that I am so blessed . I am very thankful and grateful to GOD for the travelling mercy and protection.


    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Dear Josie. You have found the secret to healing your heart – the love and support of family and friends. It also helps to always be thankful for what we still have. You’re doing great and I wish you the very best. Mary Francis

  2. Heather Morrow
    | Reply

    My husband just passed away from a terrible bout with cancer on January 20, so this is all fresh for me. I’m finding that it does help to talk. It’s difficuit not to think about the fact that all the dreams we had for our future will not be shared, together. I’m only 46. I really just need to talk sometimes and everyone tries to give me answers and tell me it will be ok. They are well meaning and trying to make me feel better but sometimes it just frustrates me. I know it will be ok one day, but I’m on a roller coaster right now and no one really knows the answers to how to grieve over this loss. I’m navigating daily. My son found pictures and videos from his dads phone yesterday and it was healing for us watch and cry remembering the great memories we have. Yet, we are still very sad for what we will never have that was just taken away too soon with little warning. Thanks for your blog.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Hi Heather. Your heart is broken and things are not “OK” so let yourself grieve. In this world we want quick fixes but there is no quick easy solution. We all have to figure it out at our own pace so don’t let anyone rush you. Always talk about your memories and never hold back. You were loved – that is something to always treasure. Mary Francis

  3. Darlene
    | Reply

    I loss my husband to cancer it’s hard on me it’s been 4 months since he’s been gone we’ve been together for 46 years I am so lost with out him.

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