A Widow’s Friend – Yes or No

When our loved one died our lives and the people in them were forever changed. When we are grieving, our friendships may experience some difficulties, but there is an art to knowing when a friendship can be fixed and when it’s beyond repair.

Admit it, there are some people you are resisting spending time with. It is no use pretending that you still enjoy being with them or that they still want to be with you. You could analyze this forever – their fault, your fault, or someone else’s fault, it doesn’t matter.

For good friends, let them know that they are important to you and cultivate the friendship by letting them know you are available to them.

For other friends, by trying to avoid hurting them, you may hurt them even more. When we neglect or put off dealing with change, we just generate rumors and even more difficulty. This is selfish and cruel for both of you.

This will hang over you, until you deal with this friend. I know you want to avoid conflict but it will only frustrate you more, because you are now on a different path than they are.

Friends come and go throughout our lives and after we become widows we are much more aware of who our true friends are. When you must go another path, do so quickly and cleanly. It not only hurts you, but also them to evade or avoid the truth that the friendship has run its course.

8 Responses

  1. Sharon
    | Reply

    Loneliness can over power one.

  2. Kathy
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    Sharon, I agree, loneliness is overpowering and often causes me to crumble. I find myself dreading the evening. I am thankful to find this site and share emotions and challenges with other members of this unwelcomed journey. I pray you find peace and comfort in these times.

  3. Janetflorence
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    Its the feeling of being lost and hollow that I find the worst. I lost my husband 10 weeks ago and although I am becoming a little more organised, I still feel that I’m standing on the edge of an abyss, about to fall.

    • Mary Francis
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      I’m sorry Janet for your pain and I totally understand why you are feeling on the edge. Hold on to family and true friends as they will help support you as you grieve. Continue to read and watch positive material. Learn all that you can about this journey as it will help you heal. Take care, Mary Francis

  4. Evelyn Cramer
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    My husband died 8 weeks ago from many health issues. I was his caregiver. He was the love of my life for 53 years, since tenth grade. I feel that I am stuck out in the wilderness, lost and alone. Everything in and around our home triggers crying spells. However, yesterday was my first day to not cry. I was staying with friends. I know it will get better, but, oh my goodness, enduring the pain until then is so excruciating! So glad to have found your website! Thank you for caring…..Evelyn

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Dear Evelyn – You have been with your husband a lifetime, 53 years! What a blessing to have found your love in the tenth grade. I know that your broken heart seems unable to ever mend but your love and memories will be your strength. Share your stories and honor those 53 years by holding on to the blessings you still have in family and friends. Take care of yourself and keep on touch by commenting on the blogs and in the Forum. Widows helping widows is what gives us strength to continue. Mary Francis

  5. Zandile matshabe
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    Hi my husband died September 16 leaving me with a three month old baby and 5 years old and I’m trying hard to be strong for the kids some days it’s hard and some better and when it’s hard I take it out on the kids

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      I’m sorry Zandile for not only the loss of your husband but also that you have the burden of being a single parent of such young children. The only way that you can be there for them is if you first take care of yourself. Reach out to others in your area and take time for yourself. Read up on all the resources for parents that are left on their own. There are resources online that will help you – google search “grieving parent” and see what comes up. Take care of yourself, Mary Francis

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