Endings Are Also New Beginnings

The sense of helplessness and numbness that is common the first year, are signs of an ending and also a new beginning.

You are experiencing the end of your married life and the couple world, to begin your life as a “single”.

Fortunately, there is an internal drive inside of us that protects us from self-destruction as we travel this new path.

We can’t exist for long on hopelessness, despair, self-isolation or addictive habits.  The search for a new life begins when your driven towards self-renewal.  Enough is enough!  When you become aware of your life and want to change it, then you have started to heal.

When you get annoyed with TV, being your consistent companion and quite simply bored with being bored; that’s good, because your coming out of the dark and starting to look for the light.

It is then that the urge to meet new people and engage in new activities arises, like spring after a long hard winter.

3 Responses

  1. Nicole
    | Reply

    I am recently widowed ?…. my husband of 11 years and the father of my 3 children left us alone very unexpectedly February 20, 2018. I am 36 years old and our children are 14, 11 and 4. I’m working very part time right now, I’m home with my son during the days but I am just so sad…. I don’t want to get on medication for depression but I also just see myself eating my pain away and it’s making me feel even worse.
    I just wanna know when “enough was enough” for other fellow widows out there…. how long did it take to start loving yourself again?!
    ~Nicole

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Dear Nicole – I’m sorry about the unexpected loss of your husband. You have only been a widow for a few months so it’s very normal to be unbalanced and not happy. There is no set time for every widow to grieve. Some widows take years to get back on track and yet I’ve spoken to others that have successfully had “enough” within the first year. You’re in control, so if you want to start loving yourself, then take steps to do so. Your oldest child is old enough to watch the other two, so I suggest that you get out for yourself and have some fun. It’s hard at first but we need a social life with friends and things to do that we enjoy. Hope this has helped, Mary Francis

  2. Desirae Kalis
    | Reply

    Nicloe,
    My husband and I had been married for almost 2 years, together for almost 4 when he passed away last June. My husband had 3 children from a prebious relationship that I had taken care of for 3 years as a stay at home step mom. My husbands death came out of no where and even with the medical report I still do not feel like I got all of the answers that I want or need. Not only did I lose my husband, by my step kids were given back to their mother because my husband did not have a will…At 32 and 35 we did not think that we would need a will for many years, boy were we wrong. I had not worked outside of the home for almost 3 years, my husband took care of the kids and I. (bless that man) About a month after my husband passed I woke up one day and I couldn’t take staying in the house any more even though my brother had moved in with me to watch over me. I then realized that I had to get out of the house because I kept finding myself waiting for my husband to walk in the door, I started working at a bar in my home town and I am still working for said bar. My job, boss (who is a long time friend), family and friends had taken the time to make sure I was doing ok. If it had not been for me starting work again I would have went mad without my husband with me…Almost a year has passed with a blink of an eye and I still can not believe that the love of my life is gone and never come home along with his kids. I am doing good now, but at first it was really hard and I started drinking almost every day just to numb the pain and try and forget what had happened to my life. Don’t get me wrong, I still have my bad days and had gotten really depressed during the holdidays and now with summer coming up I am becoming sad again with his birthday this month, mine next month, then his death day in june and our wedding anniversary in July. It seems like right when I start feeling normal again and trying to move forward that is when another date that meant something to use comes up.
    You will come out of the dark Nicole, I promise. I may not be today or tomorrow, but one day you will wake up and realize that you are smiling at things and people without having to force the smile and when that happens you will realize that you are able to live a happy life on your own. I honestly think that if it had not been for me becoming a bartender and having to socialize with people I would have stayed in my dark place for a long time. I know each one of us are different but for me being around people and some of them new friends helped me so much and I am so thankful for the people that I have around me to make sure I am smiling and looking ahead in life. Nicole you and I are both still young and I know it is hard to think about living the rest of our lives without the love of our lives, but you never know what life is going to hand you. The not knowing after you have been with someone for so long is really hard to think about, but one day you will start looking forward to the new things that will come. You will never be over the death of your husband, but each day will get a little bit easier to wake up and start moving on with what you want for your life as a single women. I wish you the best of luck and I am so sorry that you and your 3 children are having to go through this pain, it is a pain I would never wish on anyone!

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