Now and then, a newly bereaved person will tell me about a recurring thought or dream of a loved one. The person feels possessed by these thoughts or dreams and powerless to stop them. No one has told me that these recurring thoughts are either depressing or upsetting. It is just that they seem to have no control over them.
After Donnie’s death, I experienced a very real dream of him and he said “It’s going to be okay Mary” and that is all he said, but it was so clear and I heard it just like he was laying there beside me. I certainly had no control over the dream, but I will never forget it. I wanted to talk about this phenomenon with my friends, however, I have learned the lesson that it is much better to let people bring up the subject rather than to just launch into my experiences.
Often, somebody will mention several times that he or she can’t stop thinking about the death of the loved one. That statement usually encourages others to talk about the same subject. This has happened to me many times and usually people are visibly relieved to hear that others have had the same experience.
People say that a song or a type of music will bring on an overwhelming sense of loss that is devastating. Others have spoken about the difficulty of attending social gatherings alone. I can remember driving along and being so overwhelmed by a sense of loss that I had to pull off the road.
I would like to suggest that you take time to have occasional quiet visits with your loved ones, this strategy may go a long way to helping you accept your new life’s path, without forgetting the past. There are so many happy times to think about as well as those little tiffs that married people have now and then, the crazy things we did together, the birthdays with the kids and their friends, and so on, and so on.
It takes some people a long time to share their feelings, and sometimes all they need is a little encouragement.