How do I make sense of my husband’s death?

Widows are knocked off balanced when they lose their loved ones, but we must get back into living our life and not just existing.

It helps to make some goals for your new future as a single person.  Your goals need to be specific and measurable. Example: Not – I want to lose some weight. Instead – I want to lose 2 pounds per month.

Specific Action Steps to take. Example: Not – I will drink 8 glasses of water. Instead, I will drink 2 glasses of water before each meal and 2 in the evening before 8:00.

Your goals need to be written out. This is where you get the most benefit from keeping a personal journal. It makes your goals more real when you write them down.

You must hold yourself accountable. Set realistic deadlines and then monitor your progress. Make changes to your action steps where necessary.

Surround yourself with positive people. Have people in your life that will encourage you and when possible even help you achieve your goal.

Focus on one goal at a time. Success requires that you concentrate your efforts on the goal that you want the most. After you have achieved that goal move on to the next goal on your list.

Those that stay the course have these four characteristics:

They believe that they are capable of change.
They do not indulge in excuse making.
They don’t just wish for it – they concentrate on results.
They know what motives them.

Any goal worth achieving will have its resistance because it requires change. In order to reach your goal perseverance is the ONLY option. If you think that you can stop when it gets tough then you will. You must be willing to do whatever it takes for as long as it takes, so make your reasons for the goal strong enough to keep you committed.

Success is the result of making and keeping commitments to yourself. It’s just that simple and that important.  Grow strong by reaching your goals with the energy and unstoppable commitment that you are capable of.


6 Responses

  1. Linda Holiday
    | Reply

    My husband died September 8th suddenly. He was 75, but always thought he would live into his 90s like his parents. I always thought I would go first. I am lost. I cannot eat except by forcing myself. I am numb when I am not in pain. Do I have a life left? Am I always going to feel this way?

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Dear Linda – I’m sorry for your loss. It doesn’t matter how long we have them or how old they were – we always want more and that’s normal. You are not always going to feel your grief this deeply as you will heal as your broken heart gets used to being without him. Yes, Yes, Yes – you have lots of life left and you are important so please never think otherwise. There are free guides on the website and resources on the resource page. Please talk to others about your grieving as it’s important to talk it out. Take care, Mary Francis

  2. Tiffany
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    I’m 34, I lost my husband Sunday after being on life support for a heart attack Thursday night. I was laying next to him when it happened and did CPR on him. I literally watched him die twice. We hadn’t lived the best of lives previously, both of us being drug addicts long before we had even met. Not ever having known each other sober, 8 years together two married, he had Three weeks clean, I had 8 days and 5 days, and I lose him. I’m at a loss to even grasp the understanding of it. We were finally cleaning up our lives and for what? He was 45. I am not able to sleep in our room because that’s where it happened. We had moved to Arizona after betrayal and bad memories in Washington had us wanting to be anywhere but there. Our families are both there. Arizona was a great choice because no one here knew us and the intent was to start over. I don’t want to be alone because I literally know three people here and his family and mine are both strongly recommending I move back to Seattle. I don’t want to stay here but I’m not so sure I want to go back there either. So many big decisions at a time that I can barely decide if I want to attempt to get out of bed. Your thoughts?

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Dear Tiffany – I’m sorry for you loss, not only of your loved one but of your new life together. Arizona may not be where you want to be on your own, but back home has “betrayal and bad memories” so that may trigger your bad habits. Maybe it doesn’t have to be all or not. Give your new home some time, make an effort to get out and join groups where you can be you. After a time, if you are still unhappy there than maybe moving close to your old home but NOT too close may work. Close enough to visit but not so close that you get dragged back into the bad past. Take some time, and I wish you well. Mary Francis

  3. kathryn
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    My husband died 19 months ago, February 8th 2017; I have done a lot of practical things and have kept going but my heart is broken and I am so very sad without him. He made me promise to go on, and he wanted me to have a man friend, because he knew I would miss going out to lunch as we did every week. However, even looking at dating sites makes me feel treacherous, and in any case no other man could take his place. But, I would so like to just talk to a man as all my friends are women and I value them, it’s not easy at all. I feel I’m setting myself up to be hurt. So I stay alone.

    Any suggestions?

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Dear Kathryn – It’s normal to miss the company of a man. Many widows are lucky enough to find love a second time, but it has to be for the right reasons. Not just out of loneliness, but because you have found another love. Check out my dating guide and it’s free sample. Take care, Mary Francis

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