If you have a friend or family member going through their first Christmas, you need to tread carefully around their emotions.
If there is a get together and they hear that you invited everyone but them, they are likely to conclude that you are callously leaving them out because their a widow.
On the other hand, if you send them an invitation, they may think you have callously forgotten that they are grieving and not ready to run around partying with others.
You can’t win when there are only two choices – send an invitation or not.
Maybe, there is a third choice and that is a personal call to say how much you miss them, ask if you can stop in for a visit and then mention that you would be thrilled to see them at the party if they are up to it.
Of course, this obligates you to follow up with a visit, but that is what nice people do when their friend or family member is hurting.
If you are the widow, than understand just how confusing it is to those that care about you. They don’t know what to say and do, and the holidays make them even more unsure. Please have patience with them, and don’t hesitate to tell them what you need. They will thank you for it.
Darlene
I became a widow on June 28, 2018 so this is my first Christmas without my sweet husband. It’s Christmas Eve and I’m alone with my dog. I’m sure I could have gone to spend the evening with my daughter and her family but I chose to be alone. I needed time to reflect on the 43 Christmases my husband and I shared. I’m very sad and lonely but I will survive. Tomorrow I will spend the day with my daughter and her family and I will do the very best I can. This journey is very difficult but I’m determined to find happiness again. Thank you for allowing me to share.
Anne
Darlene, my heart aches as I read your response, I see this posted in 2018. But I’m just now reading it, and yesterday was my first Thanksgiving without my husband whom died wayyy to young and at 45 🙁 I’m 38 and we were married for 18 beautiful years. Has the holidays become any easier? A problem I am noticing about my self is my behavior. I will have a commitment to go or be somewhere (like family thanksgiving dinner), my mindset will be good and then BAM, it took me 3 hours to “get ready”, I would cry, then feel sad, then continue to get ready and this was on repeat and I took so long just to get done. I had so much anxiety “getting ready” that I never made it there. I would add task to my list and stall even longer. I just don’t understand myself. I feel so bad… my children whom are thankfully teenagers, left before me so they wouldn’t be late and I didn’t realize they were all ready, I thought we are also waiting on my daughter but I misunderstood, when they left so quickly and i didn’t expect it, well I guess it triggered me. it was like all of a sudden I realized how ALONE I really was, and that I would have to walk into the gathering all ALONE and everyone would probably be staring at me when I walk in because now “I’m the family member that just lost her husband,” YIKES.. I just couldn’t do it, I stayed home and sobbed at many different and random times instead…. Does anyone else do stuff like this? I mean I literally annoy the s*** out of MYSELF! I don’t know what to think about Christmas that’s coming up….
Anne A.
I have the same first name as you so I had to reply. 🙂
I just lost my husband on September 15, 2024. My husband was 55. I am 56. We have been together since we were 18 years old, meeting in college and married for 27 years, so a total of 38 years together. I went to my oldest son’s house for Thanksgiving and sat on the sofa most of the time by myself. I felt like I was no longer the hostess but the old woman around a bunch of youngsters. I remembered all the Thanksgivings my husband and I use to host for my family and friends and felt sad. I cry like you daily.
Even though I have supportive family members I no longer have my husband, who I would confide in daily and share life experiences with and feel like I will never be truly happy again. Christmas will be difficult but I feel that I just have to work through it and allow myself to cry anytime I want. I just joined this group so I am hoping I can learn how to move forward because my heart aches.
Betsy Presley
This is my 2nd Christmas without my Beloved husband, last year was a blurr, I stayed busy, I pretended I was ok, I can’t remember to grieve somedays, I’m tired of being watched if I do, my oldest daughter (40)still lives at home, working , and busy. So we have Christmas together, but its awkward to me, we do Christmas eve as a large family at my home, but Christmas day feels lonely..I’m not sure how to cook or just enjoy 2 women on this day, I’ll take sweet advices.
C.Ann
In a few short weeks, this will be my first Christmas without my husband of 50yrs.
He passed away in his sleep Dec.27th 2021.
These past months have been the saddest and loneliest of my life, I miss him more than I can say and now I wonder how I will ever get through the next few weeks. Everything about this Holiday reminds me of him. Every decoration, Holiday song, a single candle in the window. I am lost without him, finding myself alone most of the time. My golden retriever is a wonderful comfort, but she can’t hold my hand as I sit near the fireplace. The old Holiday movies that we enjoyed together are now just too painful to watch. I will go through the Holiday motions, for the sake of my family. But in my heart it will be 1972, the year we spent our first Christmas in that small apartment that began our amazing life together.
Thank you for listening.