5 Responses

  1. mechelle f
    | Reply

    Hi im mechelle I lost my husband fathers day 2018 and its been pretty hard for me I started to get a little lighter around October but then it slowly kept creeping back up on me every couple of weeks then every week and now past month or a little more ive been crying about daily , first off is this normal? im not sure and I got thru Christmas and then new years came and I had no plans with anyone none of my friends called me to see if I was doing anything or wanted to do something. my sister didn’t take off work new years day and so I couldn’t go over her house new years eve so I stayed home by myself . I cant believe it past 13 yrs with him had parties went out or did something together and now I spent it alone.WOW! . Im so heartbroken , lonely, confused and afraid at times. Im tired of feeling this way I don’t want to stop thinking of him which I do pretty much most of the day every day. He was killed while on a motorcycle. he was going to be 51 in july. Im gonna be 50 in march and I was gonna have a big party , im not now im really not into it as much. I wanted him here when I turned 50. I cant believe this happened to us. I just need some people to talk too. my friends don’t talk about him at all like just 7 months have passed and he is no longer in existence . my family says a few things here and there but the usual worried to upset me .. Really? im already upset.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      I’m so sorry Mechelle. Your heart is broken and it’s normal for you to feel this pain. It helps to talk about our memories and share our losses. Don’t hide from your grief as you need to grieve before you can heal. Join the other widows on the closed Facebook page “The Sisterhood of Widows – Closed Group for Widows”. All the widows in the group support and encourage each other. You will be okay but from one widow to another I will not tell you it is an easy journey, because it’s not. But I will tell you that our hearts do heal and life does get easier. Take care, Mary Francis

  2. mechelle
    | Reply

    thank you, I did join and im just looking at all the members and reading their stories. I appreciate the invite.

  3. Helen
    | Reply

    My husband of 22 years died seven months ago. Looking back I am sure I was in shock, pretended it didn’t happen, telling myself he would be home soon, watching out the window for him to pull up and hearing the motorcycle he loved so much from blocks away, anxiously preparing myself to hear the sound of the garage door opening. I created a shrine on the fireplace mantle, I searched the computer for pictures of us together, framed them and hung them on the wall. I waited and waited along with our two little dog babies. One night I couldn’t find our dogs, found I had left the laundry door ajar, looking in the garage next to his motorcycle I found them, one laying on top of his motorcycle jacket, still laying on the floor where he had left it, the other baby laying curled up tightly on his pair of riding gloves. When I told them to come inside they both dug in deeper, staring boldly at me growling. Never before had they growled at me. It was at that moment I fell to my knees sobbing, finally unable to pretend anymore, our dogs understood what I had been denying for weeks. His coat and gloves had his scent on them and that was now the only thing left, the closest way we could feel to him ever again. Now days me and them stay mostly in bed. Exhaustion and sleep are my best friends. I feed my dogs and sometimes manage to make myself take the garbage out to the sidewalk on trash days. I have been on antidepressants for years and the doses have been increased with no relief. My father, mother and brother all committed suicide years ago and I finally understand the loss of hope they must have felt to do such a thing. I am not suicidal, I am actually terrified of dying, but I am equally terrified to live, and to live a lonely and sad life. I didn’t just lose a husband and partner, I lost myself and my future. I have so many regrets about the time we spent arguing, the nights we slept apart and the open arms I turned away from because I was mad at him. We were both retired and had every single day and night together but took it for granted. I was his caregiver, I am not well myself, I was short with him and was overwhelmed with his needs. Had I known it would end, I would have been more loving. He had always been what would in these days, abusive. Now I wonder if it wasn’t my fault, if I caused him to be so angry. Even if maybe he would still be alive if I would have tried harder. I have read all the posts and I don’t see anyone else who has these doubts and questions and regrets. Even though my head knows I need to get myself out of bed, shower and get dressed for the day, there is this heaviness and exhaustion that won’t let me. I am so fortunate to be free of financial worries, I have grown children and grandchildren who love me as I love them, I can pick up the phone and talk to them about anything and they listen to me go in and on, I am, I have been told, a young 64 years of age, I have my two dog babies I adore, and yet, here I lay paralyzed. Is this a pity party I am creating, am I a selfish and self involved person, am I ungrateful? All these questions add to the guilt I feel. Maybe, as in my married life that I took for granted, I am continuing the same behavior and taking the days I have left for granted. I wish I were robot, without a brain, empty of thoughts and living life from a printed out Guideline For A Normal Life, written by some life expert. I don’t want to be who I am turning into, but I don’t seem to be able to stop myself. Why can’t my head and heart be on the same page anymore, why do I feel like I have no foundation to steady myself? Why can’t I make a plan for a functional day and stick to it? Why does it seem that I have no desire to even try, use self discipline, have any strength or will power anymore? I see what is happening, but it seems I have no brakes to stop the downhill spiral.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Dear Helen. I am so sorry for your pain and wish that I could do something, but the truth is that only you can travel this path. Thank you for sharing your story and the love your dogs have also lost. Please keep in touch and read all the resources you can. Never stop talking about your memories, as they are more precious than gold. Take care, Mary Francis

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