Grieving Hard The First Year

Today I want to talk about some of the things you need to watch out for as a widow. You’re grieving hard this first year and you will be facing some major changes to your life style.

10 Responses

  1. Janette
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    Hello, It’s been a while since I’ve tuned in. I’m so happy that I did today. Twenty months ago, I lost my husband to suicide. Ever since I lost my husband, my sleep has been disturbed; sometimes less than six hours a night; always fitful. I found my husband seconds too late to help. I needed this reminder today about self-care. It will take practice; each night going to bed a little earlier. I am not able to use a sedative for sleep. What I can say, like you mentioned, is spirituality. This has literally been my saving grace. God is good; always. I believe that nothing happens for our detriment or for the people we lose. My family and my husband’s family blame me for my husband’s death; so do I. I am fortunate to have the best of professional help, a wonderful church and a grief center specializing in survivors of suicide. The longer I grieve but have the gift of interacting with other widows, the more I realize the similarities more than the differences in widows. A loss is a loss is a loss. My loss is no greater than any of you, no matter how you’ve lost your husband/partner; even it was by suicide. I pray for everyone and know that things improve but we remain changed forever. For me, I needed to change. Sadly, the loss of my husband brought this into focus. I am grateful and fortunate woman that I had my husband as long as I did. Thank you for your message today.

  2. Sharon
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    Thank you … Almost 10 months now and I still cry, I’m still lost …

  3. Kate
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    Thank you hearing that all is normal makes me feel better about myself

  4. Janette
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    Hello, I cry every day; sometimes very hard. I’ve learned to look at the tears as healing and releasing of many things. My experience is though is that I don’t always need to cry alone. The best places for me to share most openly are with professionals and in groups. My family dynamics aren’t conducive to sharing in this way. Sometimes, it takes a lot of work to find one on one therapy or groups. I didn’t give up. One of the most important pieces of wisdom I received in the first couple of days, from a stranger, was to not cry in the car. This is not always easy. I’ve been able to discipline myself to pull over and find a safe place to cry. The other thing I’ve learned is to start looking forward through the tears, even as they are coming. Over the last twenty months, I’ve slowly moved from heavy sobbing to crying to weeping to teary. Sometimes, it’s steps forward, then backward again, then a little forward. I would stay away from people to say, “Stop crying”. I’m over-functioning but if you begin to doubt that your crying is healing, reach out and let as many trustworthy and kind people in to walk with you more. Isolation can creep in. You’re coming to year and the holidays are passing. Life will never be the same but it will be all right in ways we can’t imagine. This site is such a blessing.

    • Mary Francis
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      Great advise Janette. Thank you for sharing. Take care, Mary Francis

  5. Ranae
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    Thank you its been a little over 2 months and all I do is cry.

    • Mary Francis
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      I’m sorry Ranae. Let yourself cry and grieve. It’s a necessary part of healing. Mary Francis

  6. Wylma Harmon
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    I wouldn’t wish this on anybody. But I’m going on two years without Curtis. And I’ve had my ups and downs but God is showing me the way to go now. I’m not as numb as I was and I’m letting God take control and he’s got plans for me. My plans are not his plans and he showing me his plans. So I’m grateful for the group because we all lift each other up and there is no pity party we won’t let anybody feel sorry for themselves. Thank you for this group this is the best group there is.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Thank you for being here and sharing your journey. Mary Francis

  7. Cassi
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    All I can say is Thank you. I lost my husband on January 2,2019 to COPD and took care of him for the last three years. One day I’m fine, the next everything makes me cry. It’s nice to know what I’m experiencing is normal. Mostly I miss him, and still think at times he’s coming back, I’m guessing that’s normal too, and why it’s feeling like I’m numb a lot of the time. So thank you for being here and letting me know it’s alright what I feel.

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