19 Responses

  1. Janette
    | Reply

    Hello, It’s been a while since I’ve tuned in. I’m so happy that I did today. Twenty months ago, I lost my husband to suicide. Ever since I lost my husband, my sleep has been disturbed; sometimes less than six hours a night; always fitful. I found my husband seconds too late to help. I needed this reminder today about self-care. It will take practice; each night going to bed a little earlier. I am not able to use a sedative for sleep. What I can say, like you mentioned, is spirituality. This has literally been my saving grace. God is good; always. I believe that nothing happens for our detriment or for the people we lose. My family and my husband’s family blame me for my husband’s death; so do I. I am fortunate to have the best of professional help, a wonderful church and a grief center specializing in survivors of suicide. The longer I grieve but have the gift of interacting with other widows, the more I realize the similarities more than the differences in widows. A loss is a loss is a loss. My loss is no greater than any of you, no matter how you’ve lost your husband/partner; even it was by suicide. I pray for everyone and know that things improve but we remain changed forever. For me, I needed to change. Sadly, the loss of my husband brought this into focus. I am grateful and fortunate woman that I had my husband as long as I did. Thank you for your message today.

  2. Sharon
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    Thank you … Almost 10 months now and I still cry, I’m still lost …

  3. Kate
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    Thank you hearing that all is normal makes me feel better about myself

  4. Janette
    | Reply

    Hello, I cry every day; sometimes very hard. I’ve learned to look at the tears as healing and releasing of many things. My experience is though is that I don’t always need to cry alone. The best places for me to share most openly are with professionals and in groups. My family dynamics aren’t conducive to sharing in this way. Sometimes, it takes a lot of work to find one on one therapy or groups. I didn’t give up. One of the most important pieces of wisdom I received in the first couple of days, from a stranger, was to not cry in the car. This is not always easy. I’ve been able to discipline myself to pull over and find a safe place to cry. The other thing I’ve learned is to start looking forward through the tears, even as they are coming. Over the last twenty months, I’ve slowly moved from heavy sobbing to crying to weeping to teary. Sometimes, it’s steps forward, then backward again, then a little forward. I would stay away from people to say, “Stop crying”. I’m over-functioning but if you begin to doubt that your crying is healing, reach out and let as many trustworthy and kind people in to walk with you more. Isolation can creep in. You’re coming to year and the holidays are passing. Life will never be the same but it will be all right in ways we can’t imagine. This site is such a blessing.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Great advise Janette. Thank you for sharing. Take care, Mary Francis

  5. Ranae
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    Thank you its been a little over 2 months and all I do is cry.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      I’m sorry Ranae. Let yourself cry and grieve. It’s a necessary part of healing. Mary Francis

  6. Wylma Harmon
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    I wouldn’t wish this on anybody. But I’m going on two years without Curtis. And I’ve had my ups and downs but God is showing me the way to go now. I’m not as numb as I was and I’m letting God take control and he’s got plans for me. My plans are not his plans and he showing me his plans. So I’m grateful for the group because we all lift each other up and there is no pity party we won’t let anybody feel sorry for themselves. Thank you for this group this is the best group there is.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Thank you for being here and sharing your journey. Mary Francis

  7. Cassi
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    All I can say is Thank you. I lost my husband on January 2,2019 to COPD and took care of him for the last three years. One day I’m fine, the next everything makes me cry. It’s nice to know what I’m experiencing is normal. Mostly I miss him, and still think at times he’s coming back, I’m guessing that’s normal too, and why it’s feeling like I’m numb a lot of the time. So thank you for being here and letting me know it’s alright what I feel.

    • Sally D
      | Reply

      Today is day 17 since I lost my Ron. We are both 52. Met age 11. I too, still think he is coming back. In fact, I sometimes demand he return.
      I dont know what to say when people ask “how are you”. I find I am not easy to smile, and dont want to be around people because I dont want to smile. I am sad. Who smiles while they are sad?

      • Brenda M
        | Reply

        Take heart, dear friend…I promise the day will come when you will actually laugh again….it will be awhile but hang on to that hope!

        Peace be with you, Brenda M

  8. PHILLYGIRL46
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    My husband passed a little over a month ago. I’m doing better but still have times that I can’t stop the “ugly cry”. We were married for 55 years. He was not well for the past two years but on hospice home health care for the past six month. I was his main care giver other than a visiting nurse and visiting aide once a week. I was very resentful at times because I had been through a few tough illnesses over the past few years with little help from him. There were times when I was sorry that we ever got married. Now…I’m feeling so guilty and sad that I can’t get a “grip” and can’t stop crying. We have two wonderful kids and five wonderful grandchildren and I give a lot of credit for that blessing to my husband. Is there an online chat that could help me when I’m really feeling down? I have a lot of very caring friends also but I don’t want to burden them, or my family with my sadness.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Hi PhillyGirl46 – A great chat group is my Closed Facebook page just for widows. You will have to answer three security questions and once accepted it is private. No one outside the group can see any comments or discussions. There is no sharing of posts or comments. There are widows from all round the world and they talk about everything and anything. If interested go into Facebook and do a search for “The Sisterhood of Widows – Closed Group for Widows”. Don’t forget to answer ALL three security question otherwise you will not get into the group. Take care, Mary Francis

  9. Caryn R. Rosen
    | Reply

    I am very happy to have found this amazing website. Please continue to send me updates by email. Thank you, Caryn

  10. Brenda M
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    I am not moving along well even after a year and 4 months since my beloved husband’s death. At a widow’s and widower’s group I joined recently, I have met a remarkable man who’s kind, generous, and chivalrous. There are, however, recent issues in our relationship that I find irreconcilable: my still grieving for my husband is the main one. I am so lonely that I don’t think I’m thinking clearly. I need help….how does one know when it’s time to let go and move on? Any and all help would be most appreciated.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Dear Brenda. If you are having doubts then take a step back. What’s the hurry to get into another relationship? First get to know and like your own company and then you will be in a more healthy mind set to date. For the opinions of other widows join the closed Facebook page “The Sisterhood of Widows – Closed Group for Widows” and post your question there. The widows encourage and support each other on that page. Take care, Mary Francis

  11. Debbie
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    It has been 26 days since my incredible, loving, gentle husband was taken from me. We we’re married 31 years and the love if my life. He was fit and healthy. He died of a ruptured brain aneurysm. I don’t know how to BE without him..I am in such shock and denial. We lost our son in 1991 and now my soulmate

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      I’m so sorry Debbie that you are going through the loss of your husband when you have already lost your son. Life is hard to figure out and shock and denial are part of your pain. Don’t put pressure on yourself to do or be anything while you are grieving. When your broken heart starts to heal you will be in a better emotional place and then you can search for the how to “BE” going forward on your own path. Take advantage of the free guides and resources on the website as they will help you heal. Take care, Mary Francis

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