Widows Often Get Stuck

Maybe you were an assertive woman, but widowhood has stopped you in your tracks.  You now have to weigh the price of being stuck and decide whether it’s worth it.  Going through life motivated only by your grief, will get you no where.  It’s normal to grieve and grief has to have its time, but when you’re ready please be open to new experiences.

Are you resisting promising ideas and opportunities because your stuck?

Widows don’t sleep well, don’t eat right and often carry tension in their bodies all the time.  If you’re feeling, burdened by endless stress, your body is telling you something.  It’s time to start listening.

A comfort zone is actually a stagnation zone:  you’re stuck because the scariest risk is taking that first step and admitting that what you have isn’t what you want.

It may be time to quit pretending that what you have is okay and that your okay.  We have the ability to create a new life and yet we often neglect that aspect of ourselves because it’s so difficult to quantify or even describe. Your life has a void and its time to make a change from the inside out.

When widows look at their own priorities and where they spend their time, they are usually way down on the list.  You don’t want to run out of time before getting around to the simple things you want to do.  Start small by just getting out of the house and trying something new, meeting new people and trying new things.

it’s time to make an effort to get out of your comfort zone. If not now, when?

9 Responses

  1. Deborah Surber
    | Reply

    How well you seem to know me! I have been telling myself that my life is okay while I’m swallowed up in my comfort zone. It’s not a bad place, just a lonely one. The isolation does bring me peace and serves as a refuge from the stress of the world. I don’t however, want to get stuck here! I know I have to open up some doors, step out and take risks. I’m in the thinking process about this, building up my courage. Those that know me, say what a “Strong Woman” I am. They have no idea!

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Hi Deborah – widows know and understand like no one else can. Let your broken heart heal and don’t hide your pain. Take care, Mary Francis

  2. Joann
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    That is very good advise. I am starting to be comfortable to venture out further. Starting small is good, but also good to continue.

  3. Patty
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    I’m the opposite. I lost my husband a year ago January. Still can’t believe it sometimes.
    My house is up for sale but things aren’t moving fast enough for me. I’d ont want to be inHouston anymore and I don’t want to be reminded of my loss with every person in the neighborhood. So many memories of him in town . I am haunted and need a fresh start.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      I’m sorry Patty and I hope you find some peace in a new home. I moved into a new house a few months after Donnie’s death. It helped a little but the memories came with me and so did my grief. Mary Francis

  4. Sherie silverman
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    I am in a stAte of recovery. I lost my husband 5 months ago yesterday. Ive been enjoying my Son and 2 grands. I went on a girls trip and I’m woa different work schedule. So I have good and bad moments so I endure and continue to the next time.

  5. Valeria
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    It’s a long hard road and only you can do it. It seems that all your friends are busy in their settled life and I know how precious those moments are. I say cherish them and go to my quiet place where my heart reconciles my memories I lone for my husband, yet I understand he’s not able to hold me or take away my pain. I must settle myself because it’s a journey mines alone. But each day strength and courage are waiting and I embrace them. One day I will be settled again and I hold on to that day tears and all.

  6. Laurie
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    There is no right road for widowhood. It’s absolutely shocking and unbelievable when it happens and it becomes something we learn to live with every day and the scar remains. I have been widowed now 24 years, he passed in his sleep at 35 and my children were 3 and twins 2 at the time. My life has been something I could never have imagined. I finally sold my home 4 years ago after my parents and inlaws passed and my children moved on with their own lives. I was so over the top involved with them that I had no time to think about anything. I am now in counseling and trying to live in the present rather than the past. My dad even told me that I will still cry at his grave when I am 70 yrs old so don’t expect that to ever change. I wish I could tell you it all goes away but I can’t. It just a new road to navigate constantly asking God to show me His plan and do the work I am here to do. My silver lining…..my children! All 3, SO amazing it would make your head spin. All college grads, my firstborn masters from Yale and I could go on and on about my other two. My younger daughter told me for what we have been through my kids should be high school dropouts, on drugs, in jail, pregnant with no future but God saw it differently and took them to the next level. They are the most compassionate, caring, grounded adults ever. I am forever grateful for them as those years were so very difficult to navigate. God Bless you all as I do know there is no road map and people over time look at you as a fifth wheel. All those times I recall walking my children down the aisle at church to sit in the front row so they wouldn’t be distracted feeling like the entire church was gawking at me….I didn’t care. My family was number one to me and that must be why we made it. God Bless you guys!!

  7. Joanne
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    I have been a widow for 5 years. I have continued my life as if my husband is still alive. I just do not buy him food. Sometimes it feels like nothing has changed. I work just as hard at me job. Often, I am too tired to do anything else. When my husband first passed away, I was in a bereavement group and a women told me I was young. I realize she thought I could go out and reinvent myself, but I cannot. I know I have to change. I have to do more than just survive. I do not have children so I cannot see the time that has passed by looking at their ages. I am stuck in a comfort place. It is very lonely. But, I do not have to put up with anybody. I would like to get out but I am afraid to make a move. I will go places but it does not lead to anything. I am still going out with my bereavement group. It is not my favorite think to do, but it gets me out for dinner once a month. I was recently asked to met someone (a cab driver) at a local club where he was singing. I could not bring myself to go alone. I thought he had a lot of confidence to ask so I did want to check it out. I just cannot bring myself to go to a club alone.

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