Widowed by suicide – your heart and brain are in conflict and they are pulling you apart.
Your heart wants to grieve for the loss of your husband, the loss of having someone to love and that your on your own.
But your logical brain wants to acknowledge that your free of the responsibility of being married to a sick spouse, that you have money enough to live on and to do things that you have been unable to do in the past.
You need to bring your heart and brain together so you can have peace.
They both need to be acknowledged – grieve for the loss of the man you married and loved. Grieve for the loneliness you are feeling and grieve that you are on your own and confused about what you want to do.
But also let your logical brain be grateful that you are alive, that you have the funds to keep your home and do fun things- like new hobbies and travel.
Let your brain be grateful so that your broken heart can heal.
Start doing, listening and watching positive and motivational things.
Do something positive like redecorating one room of your house. The positive fun of picking colours and making a change will be good for you.
I have a closed facebook page called “The Sisterhood of Widows – Closed Group for Widows”. Please request to join and answer all three security questions. It’s an open discussion group that is private and the widows talk about everything. There are other widows there whose husbands have died from suicide.
Lastly and most importantly you are needed in this world and you matter.