Friendships That Don’t Work

For widows to fix what isn’t working, they must first acknowledge their part in the problem.

It should come as no surprise to learn that you are responsible for the way you treat people, and in turn how people treat you back.  You are worthy of dignity and respect, so why would you accept less?

There is a reason why you may keep relationships that don’t work. Are they old friends that have been faithful in the past?  Did you have issues with them before your loss?  Accept responsibility for why you may be wanting to change your friends, by uncovering why you have not done it.  Maybe you have kept the friendship even though it is not working, because you don’t want to lose someone else in your life.

If you have needs that are going unmet and it’s all about them, and if you receive less than the respect you deserve, then you are responsible to change.  Don’t try to change them, it’s hard enough to change ourselves.

To be fair you also need to be willing to take a candid look at how you may be treating them.  Are you sometimes insensitive towards their feelings or time because grief is stealing all your energy?

Friendships require effort on both sides of the fence.  Sometimes we out grow old friendships but it may be that it just requires more care and attention then we have been giving it.

Have they stopped calling because they don’t understand your grief and don’t know what to say?  Or are they calling and your not returning their calls?  Do they ask you out and at first you say okay, but later you just can’t do it and decline to go?

Grieving is emotional, with lots of ups and downs.  So before you give up on that friendship make sure that its not grief causing the friendship problems.  Once your broken heart heals, you will be ready to get out again and enjoy those friendships that currently don’t appeal to you.

4 Responses

  1. Sherry Snyder
    | Reply

    I do have a few friends who are totally different towards me. At first I thought it was due to my loss and they really didn’t know what to say to me; however they are treating me as if I have some type of a disease or something. One wont even look at me and the talking stops if I come around the corner toward them. I accept whatever it is as they act like there is nothing wrong when I ask them if all is ok. I have a few good friends who are very supportive to me. My loss is only pushing the second month this Saturday. I still don’t smile much and still cry daily and the few that support, and understand me are the few that I turn to. I have a long road ahead of me and I do realize there will be some losses. I cant change that so I will just try to go on.

  2. Patricia Riley
    | Reply

    My emotions are like being on a roller coaster. This is my first Thanksgiving alone. I just couldn’t go to my daughter’s we spoke on the phone it helps. My husband passed away the end of July. I’m so depressed and sad. Thank you for this opportunity to share.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Dear Patricia – Sorry that Thanksgiving was spent alone. It’s a hard journey to spend the holidays without our loved ones. I hope that you can spend Christmas with your daughter because family helps us to heal. Take care, Mary Francis

  3. Sherry
    | Reply

    this was my first thanksgiving without my love as well. it is almost 11 months without him, but the holidays are by myself as I have no family around here. I survived; however it was a very sad and lonely day. I miss him so much….

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