Feel The Pain Of Your Grief

As a widow you need to tell the truth about your emotions and you have to allow yourself to feel your grief.

No matter how painful it may be, the first and best way to grieve is to allow yourself to fully feel it.

Your pain isn’t going away just because you deny it exists.  Allow yourself to cry, to yell, to throw things, be angry or scared.  Realize that it’s normal to have all these feelings.  It’s also normal to be afraid of life alone or to be afraid about your future.

Don’t be surprised if you think or do “crazy” and impulsive things after your spouse dies.  Some widows also have hallucinations or other “super natural” experiences when grieving.

When you have a hard time coming to grips with your feelings, talk about it.  You need to talk with someone who is comfortable with your doing your grieving in any way you want, as often as you feel the need and as long as you need to.

10 Responses

  1. Sally Eynon
    | Reply

    Saturday nights are always bad nights for me. Bobby died on a Saturday night. I ritualize those nights and 4 months later am ready to quit making them mournful events but celebrate the amazing life and fun Saturday nights we always had.Now I don’t actually recommend this for everyone but hey, it was life affirming for me. I grilled a nice steak and made a pitcher of pina coladas. I decided to build a little fire in the fire pit he built but never got to enjoy. I live in a rural area and the fireflies are so abundant. I decided I might as well be comfortable so I put a sleeping bag down and had a pillow. I lied there and watched those fireflies and the beautiful summer sky. Then I woke up at 3am!! Hot as hell. But I just might do this again. I know he was laughing at me for another crazy idea. We always had so much fun together.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Hi Sally – thanks for sharing. I love that you have found your own unique way to enjoy and honour your memories. Good for you, Mary Francis

  2. BeckyZ
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    On our 40th wedding anniversary I gifted Jim with a puppy. A rescued pitbull to replace our dog who had passed. He was upset at first since we were approaching retirement and wanting to travel more. He fell in love with her in about 15 minutes they became good buddies. Jim passed in his sleep unexpectedly 5 years later after putting in his retirement papers. The dog was so upset at his passing her hair fell out, and she spent much time waiting art the door for him. This past Thursday our dog had to be euthanized due to cancer. She almost made it to our 50th anniversary in Sept. I’ve been feeling like I lost him all over again, and can’t seem to get out of this funk. Thank you for your book Mary Francis. It was the only thing I could read after Jim died. I’ve always been an avid reader and need to read to fall asleep. God Bless us widows, the club to which none of us wanted to belong. Hugs to all

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Dear Becky. Many widows feel like they are starting their grieving all over when they lose their pet. I think it is triggered by the fact that you now have a true “empty” house. Before when you came home you had something to greet you that loved you and cared that you were home. It’s hard to walk into a silent and empty house. I’m sorry for your loss. We miss the unconditional love that our pets give us. Take care, Mary Francis

      • BeckyZ
        | Reply

        Thank you for the kind words. My adult son lives with me so haven’t yet truly felt empty house syndrome. Not looking forward to that day

    • Sally
      | Reply

      Can you tell me more about Mary Franceis’ book? Name, etc.

      • Mary Francis
        | Reply

        Hi Sally. The book is called “The Sisterhood of Widows” and you can get a sample of it off the product page on the website of the same name. Thanks Mary Francis

      • Sylvia Najera
        | Reply

        Good morning Sally, I woke up this morning reading your post. I also lost my hubby on a Saturday.
        You made me Laugh! When you said ” I know he was laughing at me” please continue with your crazy ideas, as crazy as they might be, they’ll keep you close to him.

  3. Margaret
    | Reply

    My husband died 19 days ago. We knew death was coming. I can’t remember if I told him I’d miss him, I don’t know why this is bugging me. He knew I loved him dearly though. After 40 years of marriage this stinks.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Hi Margaret – I understand how you feel. My Donnie was only two weeks sick when he died suddenly at the kitchen table and I also don’t remember telling him just how much I loved him. It has always bothered me even though I know that after 27 years Donnie knew that I loved him. It does “stink”, but it has taken me years to understand that it is a waste of my mental energy to focus on what can not be changed. I now spend my time on the present and what I can control. I hope that you will find the peace that comes with a healing heart. Take care, Mary Francis

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