Is Willpower Overrated?

posted in: Uncategorized 2

First, willpower is definitely overrated and it’s a myth that you just need a little more willpower and you can do anything.  Not only is it overrated, it can lead to great disappointments because willpower is fueled by our emotions.  As widows we are emotionally all over the map and that makes “willpower” even more unstable in our lives.

Think about it, we start out strong, committed and we are highly motivated, all because we are emotionally invested.  But emotions change and tend to fade along with our energy.

Sure willpower has it’s purpose, as it helps to get us started, but long term change requires good solid planning and habits to get us out of bed and focused on that desired goal.

Widows need to focus on only those things that they can control, and not be drawn into pursuing things that are unattainable.  Forget “someday” – today is the day to setup a time line for achieving your goal, record it and schedule a completion date.

The second you start pursuing your goal in earnest, you’re in control again – don’t wait another day to start your healing journey.

As widows we often feel out of control.  Our husbands are no longer with us and we need something to care about – something to help our broken hearts heal.  That will only happen if we step up and take control of something, anything, that will give us some joy and happiness.  You don’t need willpower, you just need some solid plans and habits to support them.

2 Responses

  1. Caryn R. Rosen
    | Reply

    Great email…but I am faced with one crisis after another after my husband died last May 2018. I had a flood in our guest room, a fire when I was visiting my daughter in Syracuse, the fire was in my house in Florida, my dog of 13 years was put to sleep last month after
    several large expenses that tried to cure her. I have had all my so called friends die or drift away…since I have the widow disease. Now that all has been taken care of, I am facing a hysterectomy which will be done robotically which is said to be the easiest for recovery. Both my children will be coming down to help which is great, but I don’t know how I will be able to cope feeling terrified after surgery. I have many other widows that I have spoken to and they have never had such a terrible year after loosing their husbands. How do you cope with this. I am trying to be positive and saying this to shall pass, but I am having a very hard time. My only friend is my neighbor across the street that uses me as someone to insult…so I finally stopped dealing with her. I have purchased a new puppy which I love and takes my mind off all these issues. I tried a bereavement group and there were people with issues that were not related to loosing a husband, so I stopped that group. Please tell me that there is some sort of light at the end of the tunnel not more terrible problems for me to prove myself.

  2. Mary Francis
    | Reply

    I’m sorry Caryn that you have been having so many issues since your husbands death. We can only handle so much and then our stress level is over the top. When that happens anything can put us over the edge. Sounds like you need some time away to relax or at least try doing something positive for yourself. You have to take care of yourself because you matter. And yes it does get better, as our broken heart heals we find it easier to move forward. Take care. Mary Francis

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