Holiday Honestly

posted in: Uncategorized 8

It’s been years since I began blogging on being a widow.  I want to thank you for all your support.  Hundreds of widows have visited my blog and Facebook page with many leaving comments that I have personally found inspiring.

We alone understand the challenges that widows face every day.  It’s not an easy journey, but being able to share our thoughts and fears have helped us to heal our broken hearts.

We are in the holiday triangle – Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s Eve.  Anyone of these holidays can knock us down, but all three back to back wears us down to the point of despair.  It doesn’t matter what we do to make it easier, nothing seems right.  Without our loved ones it all seems meaningless and even painful.

I have made it through these holidays twelve times and here I am again.  Same holidays, same loneliness.  Yes, I’m more balanced and happier – but holidays without Donnie are still nothing like the past.

How are you going to get through the holidays?  It’s totally up to you – retreat to your bed and wait for it all to pass or make an effort to spend at least some time with family, friends and even neighbours.  Honestly, you don’t have to do anything that your not ready for.  But, it may surprise you that when you make some effort to be sociable, it can make your journey a little bit easier.

8 Responses

  1. Sally Eynon
    | Reply

    I ammwallowing in self pity,. But i am going to Christmas Eve service and am going to try for Christmas dinner with my inlaws.,

  2. Lorna
    | Reply

    I will be visiting with my grandkids.

  3. Linda
    | Reply

    I will be spending time with my son’s and grandchildren Xmas eve. Also xmas day but I am trying to convince myself that I will be fine. Its been 2 years Dec 9 when my husband passed and this year seems to be tougher then last year. I will make it thru.

    • Thomas
      | Reply

      Linda so sorry about your loss may he his gentle soul rest in perfect peace.

  4. Sherry
    | Reply

    My sister came down from NJ to be with me here in Florida to help me get thru my first year without my Mike. I did put up a few decorations and listened to some Christmas music. My new tradition is that I gave to Toys for Tots in his honor. I refuse to hide in a shell. Yes, I miss him beyond words, but I must pick myself up and keep going as this is what he would want me to do. Of course I constantly cry for every little and/or big thing, but I know this will happen. I keep hearing that the second year is harder, but my God this first year is tearing me apart. Jan 2 will be the first year since his passing. All I can say is God keep giving me this strength and guiding me. Merry Christmas we will all get thru this together.

  5. Diane
    | Reply

    I lost my husband Terry Oct 31/19, he was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma in May 2019 , he passed suddenly from complications. We were married 21 years and co owned our business for 20 years. We have 2 granddaughters 2 and 11. We have a very small circle of family and friends that live quite a distance away, I have been supported by them as best as possible. I have community support, they have been amazing, without them I would be lost. I have been provided one on one support, I was invited to join a weekly walk with others who have also experienced a loss of recent or of late, I start my weekly spousal support Group Meetings in the New Year. I read as much as I can about loss, grief and mourning, I particularly enjoy author Alan D. Wolfelt, his books have really helped me during this very sad time. If interested, another book that is worth reading is “It’s Ok That You Are not Ok” by Megane Divine. I spent the holidays in Michigan with my brother Steve and sister in law Sandy’s family. I was happy for the time away to take a break from the tears and loneliness event for a short time. I leave you with a quote from Alan D. Wolfet’s book Greif One Day at a Time “I am not alone in my grief. I will reach out to another griever today.”
    Warm regards for the best holiday that it can be.

  6. Pamela
    | Reply

    I lost my husband of almost 30 years this past July. Our families are all out of state & we have no close friends here. My sister in Michigan also lost her husband a month after I lost mine so we talk a little but I mostly stayed by myself over the holidays. It wasn’t easy. I did get myself a dog to give me some company. That really helps but I realize I need to find a way to be with people. I’m the quiet type so I need to find that type of arena . Any suggestions?

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Dear Pamela. Just recognizing that you need to be with other people is a sign that you are grieving in a healthy way. I know a 90 year old lady that has been widowed twice and her advice to me was “never refuse an invitation”. Many times I didn’t want to go but I never refused an invitation and because of that I have meet a lot of amazing people and many doors have been opened to me. I hope this helps. Take care, Mary Francis

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